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does trust have to be earned?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
K just a general question,when you start a relationship with your other half do they automatically have your trust or does trust have to be earned?
I was just thinking that every girl ive been in a relationship with ive always trusted them from the start,looking back now i realize how naive and stupid ive been.btw im not talking abouts randoms and one night stands im meaning relationships.
I was just thinking that every girl ive been in a relationship with ive always trusted them from the start,looking back now i realize how naive and stupid ive been.btw im not talking abouts randoms and one night stands im meaning relationships.
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At the same time, if I was with someone for two weeks and found out they were seeing someone else I wouldn't be too taken aback, probably would think some not too pleasant things about their character but would put it down to experience. On the other hand, if someone was with me for two years and had given me no reason to suspect I needed anything less than full trust in me and went behind my back it would be utterly and totally devastating.
I think it's naive to trust people at a young age though, I mean every girlfriend I've had has betrayed my trust pretty much. Maybe people grow up though
So, there is a start-trust (which is actually quite good), and gets higher quickly, but might as well be gone rather quickly.
K a question if your a liar and cheater does that give you trust issues?sorry im not good at explaining what i mean.
k the way i think is if i dont lie,bullshit or cheat why would i think any1 im in a relationship with would do any different to me.lol k just realized i must be as gullable as you get.
Yes. That's not uncommon, as far as I observed.
I think it has to do with the little remaining scattered pieces of conscience those cheating people have telling them they are not doing the right thing (even tho goving in to their lust). So they start to become distrustful, either because they think their partner could just as well cheat without them noticing (because they do, without the other one noticing), or it's some kind of 'shield'. You remember high school? When you farted you would be clean off, if you noticed the smell first and blamed someone else? Something like that...
In my opinion every new girl is like Tabula Rasa. If you bring your distrust from past women into new relationships you do them unright. It puts a strain to the relationship, not making stuff easier.
You can say there's an initial level of trust for each person, which either gets raised or lowered as you begin to know them better.
The initial level can be so low that when someone asks your name you'd reply "No! Who are you and what do you want from me?" or so high that you'd tell them anything personal that's on your mind at the moment. Or something inbetween.
I was answering about trust in a relationsip not in general, and I always trust someone at the beginning. It's only if they do soemthing a bit dodgy to make me think otherwise that I would question them.
Nah thats what i mean when i start a relationship i have always trusted the girl from the begining and usually the girl trusts me aswell,but my last ex she didnt trust me even thou there was no reason not to.
Looking back now thou she did lie and she did cheat so maybe that was why she didnt trust me.I suppose if your a cheat and a liar you'll think every1 else must be doing that and same goes if you aint a cheat and a liar you'll think every1s the same as you,hence why sum get played and sum just play.
I suppose the question should be do you wanna play or be played.
In my opinion trust and honesty plays a major part in any relationship, like i said, if you cant trust them to a certain extent from the beginning why bother going out with them? sorry if i sound harsh... didnt mean it to sound that way!!
It also depends on what type of trust, sometimes the trust has to be earned. I am quite a shy person at heart and I only trust a few people with that information, I know they would never do anything to put me in a situation that the shy side of me would find very hard to cope with. With my boyfriend that definetly came with time, as we both got to know each other more.
What I'm saying I suppose is that for me its not so much earning the trust but more gaining an understanding of each other. For me that includes friends or boyfriends.
If you break my trust, especially repeatedly and batently, you dont stand a chance of me so much as talking to you again, never mind trust you.