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staying over but no sex.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok so you may have seen my post before christmas about the guy i'd met online and couldnt wait to meet but had to wait till after chistmas?
well i have finally met him, and things are going great! i met him on thursday for the first time and then went over to his on saturday night.
we watched films and cuddled up on the sofa, chatted about anything and everything and had a great time. it got to 4am before we knew it and he said if i wanted to stay i could.
i didnt want to leave him so i stayed
he gave me shorts and t-shirt to sleep in and we cuddled up and talked some more. we kissed a little bit but he was a perfect gent and didnt try anything on.
to me it was so lovely and romantic and just perfect. but i've talked to a few people about it and they were all like 'you didnt sleep with him?!?!?!?' like i should have!
what do you guys think about it?
i think it was so nice that nothing happened and he didnt try it on...but maybe im being a bit naive?
well i have finally met him, and things are going great! i met him on thursday for the first time and then went over to his on saturday night.
we watched films and cuddled up on the sofa, chatted about anything and everything and had a great time. it got to 4am before we knew it and he said if i wanted to stay i could.
i didnt want to leave him so i stayed
he gave me shorts and t-shirt to sleep in and we cuddled up and talked some more. we kissed a little bit but he was a perfect gent and didnt try anything on.to me it was so lovely and romantic and just perfect. but i've talked to a few people about it and they were all like 'you didnt sleep with him?!?!?!?' like i should have!
what do you guys think about it?
i think it was so nice that nothing happened and he didnt try it on...but maybe im being a bit naive?
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Comments
Well to be fair, thats not what she was saying, but sometimes it IS a bad thing if someone tries it on. Sometimes its fine though.
Just cos he didnt try it on, doesnt mean hes not sexually attracted to her
Why is it on this place everything has to be spelt out?
I really need to know someone before I get intimate like that.
Like some others have said though, I wouldn't see it as a particularly bad thing if he had tried it on, as long as he didn't push it if you had said no.
Anyway, to answer your original question. No I don't think you are being naive. I think it's a positive thing.
Never in a situation like that though.
I had sex on the first date with my girlfriend, and we're still together, and it was fine. I believe that my 'gentleman-ness' hasn't been compromised by it.
i dont think you've got anything to worry about, maybe he was just having a good time as it was and didnt want to risk ruining it.
sex isnt everything! not at this early stage!
congrats
it doesnt mean anything of the sort as far as i can see.
I had sex on the first date with my boyfriend too, but i wouldnt have described him as the perfect gent about it
They had a romantic evening and he didnt try it on. Thats what they both wanted from the evening and he obviously was sensitive to what she was or wasnt up for, whether he wanted it or not. Thats what makes a perfect gent.
You're mixing yourself up, and saying two different things about the guy here.
1) That he wanted a romantic evening and didn't want sex.
2) That he wanted sex, but didn't because he was sensitive to the fact that she didn't.
Which one is it? Not trying to have sex when you're in bed with a woman you've obviously connected with, you've had a great night chatting and kissing, and you've invited her to stay the night when she doesn't want to leave makes him a gentleman? You have a vestige of a point (I get what you're saying), but I would like to think that her viewing him as a gentleman wasn't just based on whether he wanted to get in her knickers or not. You're basically reiterating the OPs point, that because he didn't try to have sex with her, he's a gentleman, and he wouldn't have been if he had tried, even though (IMO) all the signs are there that it wouldn't be negatively received.
Im saying that nobody knows what he wanted. I have no idea if he wanted nothing more than to jump her, but didnt get the signs, so held back - now that is gentlemanly.
He may have wanted to take it slow and not rush into sex for his own reasons, but still build up an intimate relationship.
Whatever way, he didnt try anything on, and she was glad he didnt, so thats perfect isnt it?
It ISNT gentalmanly to try it on with someone who doesnt want you to.
Its not a crime, but as Katralla says, better to have that yet to come than for him to sour the mood if he was rejected and possibly blow his chance.
All I'm saying is that if he had tried it and she had said 'no', the act of trying doesn't make him any less of a gentleman, especially given the context.
Staying over at a guys house, even if youre kissing and watching movies doesnt necessarily mean you want sex.
I think if youre not sure, and you actually care about seeing the person again, then best bet is to not try it on
no but being pressured about it too soon is usually not a good sign.
congrats, it sounds like a sweet evening
Fuck it, I'll toe the party line...
Great job Blonde Batman, it's great that he respected you so much that he didn't try to have sex with you, and I'm glad you had such a sweet evening. Maybe there's hope for the male race yet. And no, I don't think you're being naive at all. I mean, you're only 21, so we can't expect you to have figured this stuff all out.
Man, either I'm getting too old for this place, or everyone else is getting too young. Or maybe I'm just a grumpy bastard :grump:
I don't think it's a bad thing that he didn't try anything on, it sounds like you had a good evening together and he invited you to stay but continued with how things were rather than taking the agreement to stay as a sign you wanted to take things further.
There's nothing wrong with a guy who does, but equally there's nothing wrong with a guy who doesn't, and to me it wouldn't mean one was more interested than the other.l
Hold on a second.
He watches a movie with her, kisses and cuddles, offers her a place to stay and she accepts. Now that doesn't necessarily mean she wants sex but it does let him get away with at least trying it on, he only blows his chance if he keeps tryng after she says "no" and lets face it, we're all adults and we all know what the craic is. This isn't schoolboy schoolgirl sweetheart craic at all. Yeh, fair play to him for not trying but all this "he's a gentleman" shite is balls.
god some people take things so wrong on here.
all i wanted to know was....oh you know what? forget it. no point getting into an arguement over a simple question
:yes:
actually, the 3 posters above your post I am quoting here are understanding you and the situation pretty well...