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Children are for life

**helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
in Sex & Relationships
Becca is ranting about parents. Find out why here. :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Where do you get these people from Helen?
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Yerascrote wrote: »
    Where do you get these people from Helen?

    Most of them write to us :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What an absolute tool.

    Damn her for sharing my name.

    Let's see how she feels in another 17 years.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    To be honest, I didn't see anything in it that seemed particularly wrong... :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was our parents' choice to have us.

    But there is such a thing as contraception failing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I actually didn't know what the fuck she was talking about.. did she have a point?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't quite understand what she was getting at either.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quite simple, if you aren't prepared to be a good parent and support your children for the rest of your lives, then don't have kids.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody who's having their first kid can possibly know what it's really going to be like being a parent, so it's R.I.P to any point she might have had.

    It just seems like an angsty emo-rant, I half expected her to start on about how it was "the system" who failed her too.

    Seriously, she'll look back on that in a few years and cringe.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what a spoilt brat
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    what a spoilt brat

    Yep.
    we didn't ask to be born.

    Did she just say that? :lol: :no:
    It was our parents' choice to have us. They may say that pregnancy was an accident or a surprise, but there are ways to ensure that you aren't left with dirty nappies and sleepless nights.

    Maybe you were an accident darling but the majority of births are planned (maybe not to an exact date but they are expexted.)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be a doctor right now if my parents hadn't ignored me. Their anniversary doesn't give them the right to leave me at home, alone, in my late teen years while they go to a movie.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I like it, and think she has a point.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I once said to my mum "I didnt ask to be born". She just laughed at me and said "neither did I"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good one, I'll have to remember that one, not long before I get that one thrown at me I recon.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think our parents are hugely responsible for the way we turn out BUT it's not 100% their fault if we have some sort of problem/complex or failed in something.

    I hate talking about how I feel towards the opposite sex to anyone, I think because my parents teased me for hours about it when I was younger...but it's not their fault that I am a shy person, that's just natural and one of the characteristics of my personality.

    Some people do jump in and have babies without thinking. I have reason to believe my best mate is about to make this mistake (just turned 21, just qualified as a HCP and has stopped taking her pill) but at the end of the day if someone wants to give birth that's upto them. There is no law against it. But, there are all laws protecting children from neglect/abuse.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We didn't ask to be born

    Fine. Don't complain when they add arsenic to your morning cuppa then.
    Parents seem to apply themselves to one role for the entirety of their child's life, and find it impossible to shift when their child's needs change. So they just stop trying.

    You're parents may have lovey. But some of us realise that there more to children than "the baby stage" - you know, us having been children ourselves at some point.
    But it is their responsibility, regardless of our age, to care for us, because it was their choice to have us.

    No, it was their choice to have a child not to have you there is a big difference. Sure they should take some responsibility for how you turn out, but that is ignoring the fact that we all have some personal responsibility in that too. When your parents say "don't", do you listen?

    There are some very good points in there too though:
    It means giving up your freedom. It means always thinking about someone else first. It means the rest of your life. Don't ever prepare to raise a child if you are not prepared to make these sacrifices.
    Don't think about how a child will improve your life, but think about how you will improve a child's life

    Although the final part misses something really important
    Of course they'll put themselves first once or twice because it never occurred to them that their decision will affect the child.

    I don't accept this. They do understand, more than the child does, that the decision to put themselves first occasionally will affect their child - even if it's in a minor way.

    My reposte to her point though is this... at what point following conception do parents stop being people themselves?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    I once said to my mum "I didnt ask to be born". She just laughed at me and said "neither did I"
    :lol:
    I said it to my mum once and she said "I wish you had asked, cos I'd have bloody said no!"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To me it just sounds like she has issues with her own parents rather than anything else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I might get the flaming of a lifetime for this, but to me it just sounds like a typical rant of someone who at the age of 17, thinks it's their place to tell adults what they kind of know already. Either that, or she's just a bit pissed with her parents. I mean...
    Of course, no one really sees past the baby stage when they think about the downsides to pregnancy. And they don't see past cute, needy infants with tiny hands and stumbling toddlers who they can teach to read and count and endeavour to control. That's what being a mum or a dad is about - for the first couple of years.

    And guess what: the responsibility doesn't end when children start growing up.

    How patronising can you get?! FFS, I think when people think about having a child, (most) of them would have thought this through. But thanks for the advice, I'm sure I'll sleep a lot better now knowing that raising a child is more than looking after a cute dolly :rolleyes:

    It reminds me yesterday of when I was in a shop, and this girl who was about 11 was shopping with her mum. The mum was looking for things for herself, but the daughter kept pipping in saying, "Mum, these would look really nice with jeans," or "Mum, these are really in fashion at the moment, they would suit your figure" and all the mother could do was sigh and say, "Yes, I KNOW!"
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