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Teenage parents.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Guess this is the best place to put it.

Got to love the reaction they get, lately i've had quite a negative reaction, have to love the stigma of the "teenage parents are crap parents" this is more of a rant really but it's really doing my nut it, Can't people understand that people can BE mature and 19 and look after a kid... jeez,

More of a rant anyway but some of sociaty today sucks.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Parents fight back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Parents fight back.

    :lol:

    TBH, I think alot of it is to do with them being seen as still children themseleves or not quite adults yet. TBH, I'm not too sure what I think about this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I think it's less about the fact that they're not good parents, and more about the fact that their baby "obviously must've" been the product of an unplanned pregnancy (and tbf, this usually is accurate). And this still had all sort of social stigmas in itself among certain sections of the population, which leads the more judgemental among us to suggest that you might not be a fit parent. After all, teenage pregnancies are hardly a new thing, it's just that back in the day, the teenagers were probably married first (and if they weren't, they were married pretty soon after the father of the girl found out). So be thankful you're not also a single parent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BUT thats not it, seriously, because its unplanned, MANY MANY older couples children are unplanned, but they don't suffer with any social stigma

    I must admit on the whole, most have been happy and anyone who knows us and sees us as parents do comment on how mature we are, but there are a few, only a few who are damn right disrespectful,

    I've seen people trying to say out of my earshot (which is hard as im partial deaf) that they've ruined there life, Well why not go fucking judge someone elses life, when it affects them they can complain but if not, stfu...

    Same when flying, they check my Drivers licence (internal flight) then gave me a dodgy look because im holding a child, just because my DoB is 1988, wow..

    IWS, I somewhat agree with you but it doesn't give the right for the person to be damnright rude about it, I love how quite a few (and this is not a generalisation) of these people who comment are middleaged mothers who are full of themself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to get the same reaction as you. I had my son a month after my 20th birthday. You find at whatever stage in life you start your family there is no pleasing some people. There are a lot of assumptions made about young families, generally from the middle aged mother types! I just think those people wished they had had their families younger so they had the energy to keep up with them haha!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When i was pregnant with James i was early 20's and looked probably not much more than late teens, Chris used to get terrible looks off people because they thought he had got a teenager pregnant. He hated it.

    I am in fact older than him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people of any age have unlanned pregnancies.
    There will always be people who judge you for your parenting decisions at whatever stage in life you are. People who have big families, people who only have one child, peoplke who have their children close together, people who are too young when they have children, people who are too old, people who have different views on discipline, gosh the list goes on.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people of any age have unlanned pregnancies.
    There will always be people who judge you for your parenting decisions at whatever stage in life you are. People who have big families, people who only have one child, peoplke who have their children close together, people who are too young when they have children, people who are too old, people who have different views on discipline, gosh the list goes on.....

    :yes:

    Did anyone see that documentary thing on ITV One last night about teenage parents?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but going back twenty years maybe thirty people were having babies at like 18 then and getting married really early too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's because people assume that you were being irresponsible by not using protection or not using it properly. So that makes you appear immature because 'you can't even look after yourself' so that equals unfit parent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    I think it's because people assume that you were being irresponsible by not using protection or not using it properly. So that makes you appear immature because 'you can't even look after yourself' so that equals unfit parent.

    Which is rubbish really.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know that people of all ages have unplanned pregnancies, but with young people it's always assumed that it's unplanned, whereas with an older person, people don't make that assumption. But then look on their faces when you're in your 30's they ask about the father and you say you're not together. Some people are judgemental wankers. Don't let it get you down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We get looks when we're out with my mum and her partner who's black. Get alot of 'he's obviously not their father' looks. Daft really.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you have a baby as a young woman you're a slut, if you have a baby as an older woman you're a selfish cow, and if you have a baby in your mid-twenties then you're a woman who should be out working and is not "repaying their debt to society".

    I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    If you have a baby as a young woman you're a slut, if you have a baby as an older woman you're a selfish cow, and if you have a baby in your mid-twenties then you're a woman who should be out working and is not "repaying their debt to society".

    I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.

    To have them in your early thirties :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »

    I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.

    Sod them all and do what you like?

    I think it's ridiculous that teenage parents are looked down upon because of their age. If they were unfit parents the baby would show signs of that. And seeing as all the teenage parents I know have happy healthy babies then....

    Young people should just be seen and not heard clearly :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest if I wanted a baby and i was with someone or I was pregnant then I would have the baby. I wouldn't give a flying fuck what society would think of me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was unplanned and my mum had me when she was 29, and my dad was 42....

    and just to make you feel better, you're both really really good parents, and have a gorgeous little boy who i am very willing to temporaraily steal with permission...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    you have a baby in your mid-twenties then you're a woman who should be out working and is not "repaying their debt to society".

    :eek2: What debt?:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand the reaction if a 13 - 15 year old was walking around with a baby (or even some 16year olds), BUT some teenagers as young as 15 seem to be mature enough to bear the responsibility of having a child. And to me, if the child is healthy, not being mistreated in any way then whats the problem?

    And as hellfire said, so what if the pregnancy was unplanned, i bet there are just as many unplanned babies born to older women....but they wont admit to it, or "they are old/mature enough to bring a child into the world" in the words of someone i know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    If you have a baby as a young woman you're a slut, if you have a baby as an older woman you're a selfish cow, and if you have a baby in your mid-twenties then you're a woman who should be out working and is not "repaying their debt to society".

    I'm sure there's a moral in there somewhere.
    If you're a man who has irresponsible sex and a one night stand with a woman and accidentily gets her pregnant. It's her fault and responsibility and she's a slut. She shouldn't have worn a slightly low cut top, that could of caused her to be raped which of course would be her fault too if it happened.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,283 Skive's The Limit
    Namaste wrote: »
    She shouldn't have worn a slightly low cut top, that could of caused her to be raped which of course would be her fault too if it happened.

    Who here thinks that?
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Who here thinks that?
    I was being sarcastic, although there were the Amnesty statistics that suggested something similar in public attitude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Who here thinks that?


    Sadly there are people...
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,283 Skive's The Limit
    Sadly there are people...

    I don't see what it has to do with teenage pregnacy though.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Amira wrote: »
    I can understand the reaction if a 13 - 15 year old was walking around with a baby (or even some 16year olds), BUT some teenagers as young as 15 seem to be mature enough to bear the responsibility of having a child. And to me, if the child is healthy, not being mistreated in any way then whats the problem?

    And as hellfire said, so what if the pregnancy was unplanned, i bet there are just as many unplanned babies born to older women....but they wont admit to it, or "they are old/mature enough to bring a child into the world" in the words of someone i know.

    Surely it's better to finish education before having a child? Presumably, a 15 year old with a baby, would find it difficult or impossible to get even GCSEs, therefore not putting themselves in a good position regarding future careers etc.

    There's a lot of judgemental people around though. Some girls just look young, but are in fact in their 20s, with a partner, working etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I found out I was pregnant - about 3 months ago I was really worried about what people would think of me, I'd just left college, was 19 and thought people would think "she doesnt want to get a job, wants to sit on her arse all day" but now I dont dont care, this is the best thing thats happend to me and my fella and we both are really looking forward to when s/he is born!! I like telling people my good news, and if they dont like it, tough shit.


    Hold your head up high, you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have no problems with teenage parents - infact, in a way I think that a teenage parent can make a better parent that somebody who has a baby in their 40's. My mum works at a preschool and she gets all sorts of parents dropping the kids off - old ones, young ones, full time mums, people who have nannies, etc. IMO as long as you are fit and well enough to have the kid and look after it and have the money to feed and clothe it properly, and the time to be with it, there's no problem with having a kid at any age. As long as you're looking after it properly, there's no problem. However, it's the people who have kids as teenagers cause they have nothing better to do that get me - one of my sister's mates is 16, unemployed, dropped out of college early to get pregnant, still living in her bedroom at the parents house, to try and get pregnant with a guy she'd been with for a few months. That was just daft as she has no way to actually support that baby.

    But then with teenage parents, there's a bit of a difference between being a 13yr old mum/dad, and a 19yr old mum/dad though. Age of consent is 16 for a reason!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My friend had a baby 8 months ago and she's 18.

    It makes me laugh because the baby is really happy and rarely cries, but nobody seems to think 'aw she must be doin a good job'. But then the other day we took him to the docs because he was ill and was crying. We was sat down and had so many dirty looks off people and one even said to her mate 'well she cant be taking her responsibility very seriuosly if she's in here with him'. I was fuming.

    She's a single parent living with her mum. She's trying everything she can to get a house, but it seems that no-one wants to know because she's a young mum. Makes me real angry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jelly tots wrote: »
    But then the other day we took him to the docs because he was ill and was crying. We was sat down and had so many dirty looks off people and one even said to her mate 'well she cant be taking her responsibility very seriuosly if she's in here with him'. I was fuming.

    :eek2: that's so out of order! For all they knew she could have been taking him in for his booster shot, or a baby check up! Would still still have been a bad mother if that was what she was doing?... some people :(
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