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Need a bit of help...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
What would you do if your partner just did not seem to understand 'normal' etiquette in a relationship? Just did not seem to get things that upset most people?!

It is driving me mad...they are a few years younger than myself and I have quite a lot of life experience for someone my age so I know this could instantly be a problem. But I am just so stuck as to what to do. Similar things keep cropping up, and they just dont understand why they upset me. Perhaps they are just dense and insensitive? But I like to give people a chance. However, there is only so much more I can take. At times I feel like I am with a child who constantly needs a bit of an ego boost from somewhere. I know they try to understand and fix things, or they appear to...but I just think the same things will keep happening over and over. Anyone had similar experiences?

Thanks

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you mean by normal ? Every relationship is different, is there something in particular that you are upset with ?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    twinklestar wrote: »
    What do you mean by normal ? Every relationship is different, is there something in particular that you are upset with ?


    I mean the normal things that would upset most people in a relationship...for example someone quite clearly attempting to interfer with two people who are togther and making cheeky remarks about one of them to the other. And this apparently not being understood what so ever by one of the people in the relationship. And them continuing quite happily to chat along to them. Which I am reckoning is to boost their ego. Which I find quite sad.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So somebody's said something about you to your partner that wasn't very nice and now they're just acting like nothing was said at all?

    Well, every relationship is different cause if I was going with somebody and somebody else had something to say then I'd always stick up for them.

    It'd annoy me a bit if I was in your situation, but talking to her about it is the only way to get round it really.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I can gather, someone is making comments to your partner that you don't appreciate them making, however your partner is seemingly oblivious to the fact that you feel this is inappropriate and continues to be friendly with the person.

    It's difficult to be honest, what someone sees as inappropriate another person may see as acceptable, it depends on the relationship the person has with your partner and how they behave with other people.


    I have a friend who makes rude cheeky comments to me, he also does it to everyone else he knows and is a really lovely guy so I don't take any notice of it and laugh along with him.If someone else were to behave that way but only with me then I would be concerned and ask them to stop.

    I would suggest that you sit down and have a chat about why it makes you feel so unhappy with your partner express exactly how badly it makes you feel. The only way for this to be resolved is by communication with your partner and agreeing to either live with things as they are or that they will make compromises in the way they behave.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »
    So somebody's said something about you to your partner that wasn't very nice and now they're just acting like nothing was said at all?

    Well, every relationship is different cause if I was going with somebody and somebody else had something to say then I'd always stick up for them.

    It'd annoy me a bit if I was in your situation, but talking to her about it is the only way to get round it really.

    Yeah thats exactly it! I have spoken to them...but there are only so many times I can keep repeating myself. It just doesnt seem to sink in. Perhaps I should put it to them...how would you feel if a complete stranger I was chatting to said that about you...Maybe then they will finally get it!?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    twinklestar wrote: »
    From what I can gather, someone is making comments to your partner that you don't appreciate them making, however your partner is seemingly oblivious to the fact that you feel this is inappropriate and continues to be friendly with the person.

    It's difficult to be honest, what someone sees as inappropriate another person may see as acceptable, it depends on the relationship the person has with your partner and how they behave with other people.


    I have a friend who makes rude cheeky comments to me, he also does it to everyone else he knows and is a really lovely guy so I don't take any notice of it and laugh along with him.If someone else were to behave that way but only with me then I would be concerned and ask them to stop.

    I would suggest that you sit down and have a chat about why it makes you feel so unhappy with your partner express exactly how badly it makes you feel. The only way for this to be resolved is by communication with your partner and agreeing to either live with things as they are or that they will make compromises in the way they behave.

    Thanks, yes I see what you are saying. It is hard in particular though when it is someone that they hardly know. It almost makes it worse! I will try speaking to them again. Perhaps our brains and emotions are just too different :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [QUOTE=Crumbs;2018839. Perhaps our brains and emotions are just too different :)[/QUOTE]

    I think unless you each open up honestly about the situation neither of you will really get anywhere and won't understand each other better. Hopefully a chat will sort it out, perhaps not when you feel so upset so that you are calm and in control of your emotions would be best.

    Good luck with it xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    twinklestar wrote: »
    I think unless you each open up honestly about the situation neither of you will really get anywhere and won't understand each other better. Hopefully a chat will sort it out, perhaps not when you feel so upset so that you are calm and in control of your emotions would be best.

    Good luck with it xx

    I guess it is worth one last try. My friends seem to understand where I am coming from but I guess we are quite similar mentality wise and dont put up with something if it gets to us. I guess if similar things keep happening I will just have to take a hike and find someone who is more similar to myself.
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