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Girl with boyfriend - worth persuing?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
There's a girl that I work with who I'm interested in, and I know she's interested in me. Problem is, she has a boyfriend.
What should I do? I know I shouldn't try and do anything because it's cuntish, but I can't help but want to. Know what I mean?
What should I do? I know I shouldn't try and do anything because it's cuntish, but I can't help but want to. Know what I mean?
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You don't always meet Ms/Mr Right when they're conveniently free and single. Life just isn't that easy. So I don't see the problem with liking people who have bfs/gfs, and I don't see the problem with telling them how you feel. What I DO see a problem with is cheating, so if she really is interested in you, then she's going to have to choose.
What I would do (in theory - I'm probs too much of a chicken in real life!) is to tell her that you know she has a bloke, so you're not going to do owt to mess it up, but you think she's really cool. If she wants to take things further, she'll have to break up with him.
Very sensible.
Pill'ed, let whatever happens happen man, if you get together though dont forget that she had a bf when you guys met, same thing could happen in the future with her and someone else...
get her to leave her bf for him or talk her into cheating? That's just going to cause trouble. There's nothing wrong with liking her, sticking your nose and fucking with her relationship is not on. Completely selfish and stupid.
Sort of agree, but it depends on the girl really.
I do think that there's potentially a lot of problems even with just telling the other person how they feel. Unless the girl is massively secure in her relationship (and even if she isn't doesn't always mean she's unhappy) then a mini bombshell like that might well set off paranoid thoughts in her head about her relationship and get her thinking about whether she'd be happier with the other bloke when the reality might be different. Or if he's really sneaky, he might come out with "Well if you ever want to talk about you and *enter boyfriends name* then I'm here for you", and it's all a bit of a mindfuck. Don't think this is really fair on the girl personally.
How long has she been with her b/f? And if she was up for cheating on him, would you push her away?
That's the chance you take with relationships, though, isn't it? You shouldn't stay with someone just because you met them first if you could be happier with someone else. As long as there is no lying, cheating or other general wrongdoing, I don't see the problem.
I do agree that if you're only in it for a bit of fun you should probably lay off, though.
Good luck.
Life is about opportunities, if better ones come along take them, don't feel inclined to just stay stuck with your first decision.
That's for her to decide. It's no ones place to start messing with a relationship because they're jealous. She could be happy you know? If she's not then it'll end.
:yes: Stay friends, but dont make a move unless you know she feels the smae way (or dp the classic get drunk and tell her how you feel). Do you know what sort of relationship shes has with her boyfriend?
It's not about the opportunity to upgrade. It's about the opportunity for you both to be happier.
It's easy to say that if she's not 100% with this other guy, she'll leave him, but in reality, people quite often stay with people they aren't suited to and aren't happy with. I have.
Essentially, Old Jomery and Kaffrin said pretty much the same thing, and yet Jom gets flamed for it... :yeees: Sure the wording was slightly different, but I could help but think that a few people stuck the old boot in here just because of past postings.
I am in agreement with both Kaffrin and Jomery here. Let her know what you're thinking, and let her decide. Just don't do anything until she is single, then there's no real comeback.
I think that some people do need that nudge of knowing someone wants them to leave an established relationship, I'm not saying its right, but then I guess not everyone is strong enough to do the right thing all the time.
How do you know you will be happier with a second person though? Why would you stay with someone if you weren't satisfied with them in the first place, if you see what I mean? I don't think you should settle for someone you think is alright but really you know you could do better, and then always be keeping an eye out for someone else better while with the average partner... because you're short-selling yourself. Unless I am being unrealistic and naive, and am soon to find out that things don't work like that
People do things that defy logic because we are human and unfortunatley our hearts and feelings sometimes stop us doing the logical or right thing. There are lots of people out there in unhappy relationships that stay for the wrong reasons, I was one of them. I felt I owed something to my partner for being with me and putting up with me. I wasn't happy and even though I knew in my heart I wasn't happy, my friends and family knew I was unhappy without me telling them but I was very scared of doing anything about it.
I would say if someone was happy with their relationship then someone telling them they were interested would be met with a thank you, I'm flattered but I'm attached and given no further thought.
Yet if you're content with your current choice, then there wouldn't be a need to take a risk to find someone you could be even more content with. If it ain't broke, don't fix it?
Also, I don't think that a relationship and a job move are comparable; with a job there would be quantifiable benefits you stand to gain if you take the risk of moving job (eg: higher salary at x amount p.a, more responsibility, higher job title etc) But with a relationship, you can't quantify the benefits you might gain... "sex 10 times a week instead of 5 with your old partner, dump him and choose me!" Exaggerated example but that's what I mean when I say you can't measure happiness quantitatively.
That's true tbh :yes:
Because you were satisfied with them in the first place. And by the time you're not either you don't realise, or you don't want to realise (breaking up with someone, especially someone you've been with for ages, is hard) or it happens so gradually and subtly that you attribute the change to stress or the weather, or the current political situation in Iraq or anything you can to avoid admitting to yourself that this relationship you put so much time and effort into is over with a capital O.
Sometimes it just takes a metaphorical kick up the arse for you to realise that you and your other half are going nowhere.
If she ends up coming onto you, then yes, take the chance, and tell her how you feel. But you'll feel better if she chooses you on her own accord rather than you telling her to do so because reason X, reason Y. Self gain is best gained through respect for yourself and respect for others. You'll be the better man to keep at bay until it gets close enough to talk about your feelings for each other. Dont force it by selfish suggestions.
I agree with this. Especially since you may feel insecure if you get with the said person that she could do it with someone else. If she comes to YOU then poss persue it, but dont force her to make decisions...
Nobody did.
I suggested telling her that he likes her. That's all. That's massively different to forcing anything.
Maybe you all live in worlds where everything is neat and ordered, and prospective love interests are always free and single at exactly the time you are, and always definitely interested. But in my life it never happens that way. Love is confusing, and it's messy, and it tends to happen at the worst possible time. You just have to make the best of where you find yourself.
Telling someone with a boyfriend that you're into her is absolutely not wrong. Doing anything with her would be. If she then chooses to leave her boyfriend, that's up to her, and IMO it shows she wasn't happy with the other guy, rather than that she's a loose-moralled hobag.
:yes: