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Girl with boyfriend - worth persuing?

2

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blimey I can't belive this has caused so much debate.

    My main point is that we probably don't all know enough about the situation to make full sweeping judgements.

    I would say for both of you that you really shouldnt' go there unless your both single, but if she is coming on to you now thats an indication that she probably isnt' that happy in her current relationship.

    What you do depends on how well you know your her other half - if its one of your friends I really wouldnt' go there - I've seen a couple of good friendships destroyed over girls and its really not worth it!

    If thats not an issue - i would tell her your interested but not whilst she still has a boyfriend. Sometimes people just need a little kick up the backside as Kaff said.

    Lastly bear in mind that if she does dump her boyfriend for you - she probably will have taken a massive step and will be expecting a lot from the new relationship and you might not be able to deliver exactly what she wants.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »

    Lastly bear in mind that if she does dump her boyfriend for you - she probably will have taken a massive step and will be expecting a lot from the new relationship and you might not be able to deliver exactly what she wants.

    And she may move on to the next guy that tries to steal her!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    Lastly bear in mind that if she does dump her boyfriend for you - she probably will have taken a massive step and will be expecting a lot from the new relationship and you might not be able to deliver exactly what she wants.

    This is the thing.


    Id think youd need to be fairly sure you REALLY liked her before trying to entice her away from a possibly long term relationship just cos of the excitement of something new.
    Mind you, if shes comng on to you while she already has a boyfriend, then shes not that trustworthy tbh, and chances are shes not the faithful type anyway, so it depends if thats what you want from a woman or not?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    then shes not that trustworthy tbh, and chances are shes not the faithful type anyway, so it depends if thats what you want from a woman or not?

    And she may move on to the next guy that tries to steal her!

    Exactly!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Keep it going how it is and see how it goes maybe ?

    If shes got a boyfriend its a bit tight to do anything but fuck it what happens happens its her choice if she wants to cheat but if you want anything more than a shag be prepared that she might not want to break up with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Box wrote: »
    Sorry, suggesting she dumps her boyfreind for him? Thats out of fucking order in my book. I cant beleive some people suggested that. Dont go there mate. Its sneaky, caniving, dirty rat ass policy. It's low! You dont need to do that. You also take the risk in pushing things in entirely the wrong direction. Not mentioning the reaction of her boyfriend in which where I'm from you'd receive a good beating down by him and his boys.

    If she ends up coming onto you, then yes, take the chance, and tell her how you feel. But you'll feel better if she chooses you on her own accord rather than you telling her to do so because reason X, reason Y. Self gain is best gained through respect for yourself and respect for others. You'll be the better man to keep at bay until it gets close enough to talk about your feelings for each other. Dont force it by selfish suggestions.
    Bloody hell. You people are going to go nowhere in live if you don't do whatever it takes to get what you want. The person's life may be much happier with this girl in it than being single, why be a complete chump and leave that opportunity to pass just because there's an obstacle in the way, which can be overcome? I think I'm seeing this rationally by treating it the same as a job offer - it's an opportunity to upgrade your wellbeing/quality of life/happiness. Even if you're content with your current situation it may be worth taking the risk to better it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Bloody hell. You people are going to go nowhere in live if you don't do whatever it takes to get what you want. The person's life may be much happier with this girl in it than being single, why be a complete chump and leave that opportunity to pass just because there's an obstacle in the way, which can be overcome? I think I'm seeing this rationally by treating it the same as a job offer - it's an opportunity to upgrade your wellbeing/quality of life/happiness. Even if you're content with your current situation it may be worth taking the risk to better it.

    "Upgrade your well-being?"

    What.. a nerd!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Bloody hell. You people are going to go nowhere in live if you don't do whatever it takes to get what you want..

    How do you know people havn't already 'got somewhere in life (not live)' ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everyone really lol, that's why it's such a mish.

    I want to make a move because I know we like eachother, and this may be the only real chance of a decent relationship that I'll get in a while, and why the fuck don't I deserve to be happy?

    However, I also have morals, and I don't agree with cheating...I've had it happen to me and it's not nice. Although other people are selfish and don't give a fuck, so why should I be the sucker who does?
    I also see people's points about her not being trustworthy though...hmm.

    I think I'm just gonna play it cool for now and see how it goes...I may update you at a later stage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You sound like your being more than fair to me so dont give yourself a hard time over it.
    I would make it clear you like her and then leave it up to her. Its not sneaky and conving as others have said unless you pressure her or try to put her off her boyfriend. I'v in the past thought a work colleague was quite nice but even if theyd told me they liked me I'd never do anything about it because Im too happy with my boyfriend. So if she does go there then there obviosly not right together. Just think they might not be right for eachother and you may find out in a months time shes going out with another guy who made his feelings clear.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Box wrote: »
    "Upgrade your well-being?"

    What.. a nerd!

    I think he's right though. Good things don't always come to you, you have to make an effort, sometimes at another persons expense. That's business, that's love, that's life.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I would never consider a guy if he had a girlfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    Personally I would never consider a guy if he had a girlfriend.

    I only found out that she actually had a boyfriend a few days ago though.
    We've been friends and known that we like eachother for a while before that.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    lipsy wrote: »
    Personally I would never consider a guy if he had a girlfriend.

    If it her bloke was a mate of mine then no I woulnd't.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    If it her bloke was a mate of mine then no I woulnd't.

    Whereas I've never even met this guy.
    Though I'd still feel really bad about it. But I guess it's survival of the fittest or something like that.

    God, this is such a mish! lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    Whereas I've never even met this guy.
    Though I'd still feel really bad about it. But I guess it's survival of the fittest or something like that.

    God, this is such a mish! lol

    I think if you do actively pursue her and try and make her leave her boyfriend like others have suggested, then you should be prepared that other people (like her friends, or maybe even a couple of your friends) might possibly think less of you for it. If that's something that would bother you, then don't go there.

    All very well saying you should accelerate things for your own gain and look after number one, but if that's not "you" then I'd just play things by ear and wait and see. I couldn't split a couple up like that (especially if she's happy) and it'd really bother me. I wasn't brought up to be like that and I've been hurt like that before. I see anybody already in a relationship as a no-go area, an I don't see that as being weak-minded at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    Personally I would never consider a guy if he had a girlfriend.

    Me neither.

    Ditto @ Bri.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »

    All very well saying you should accelerate things for your own gain and look after number one, but if that's not "you" then I'd just play things by ear and wait and see. I couldn't split a couple up like that (especially if she's happy) and it'd really bother me. I wasn't brought up to be like that and I've been hurt like that before. I see anybody already in a relationship as a no-go area, an I don't see that as being weak-minded at all.

    But maybe she isn't happy - if she was she would just say err thanks but no. I think you should take her to the hot tub ;p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    Personally I would never consider a guy if he had a girlfriend.

    For some reason, I don't believe you...................... :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell her how you feel and find out properly how she feels, but remember if she does split up with her b/f she may still be on the rebound, not really know what she wants, etc and you may end up getting hurt if you get with her too soon afterwards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have been the girl in this situation (ie the one with the boyfriend who someone else liked) and the bloke told e how he felt, and i felt the same but i wouldnt have said anything had he not told me first.
    and him telling me made me realise just how shit my relationship is! and ive now ended it with my boyfriend, im not saying i'll get into something serious with the new guy but im greatful to hi for making me see how shit my relationship actually was!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go for it, try yar luck, who cares bout the bf, who dares wins, etc. ect.

    man do what ya like, id do it, hell her bf wouldnt have a chance

    btw jomery, you a bristol lair boy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry wrote: »
    But maybe she isn't happy - if she was she would just say err thanks but no. I think you should take her to the hot tub ;p

    :p;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tanman wrote: »
    go for it, try yar luck, who cares bout the bf, who dares wins, etc. ect.

    man do what ya like, id do it, hell her bf wouldnt have a chance

    btw jomery, you a bristol lair boy?

    Is it just me or are you encouraging him to go out with this girl whilst she's with her boyfriend?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reckon it depends a lot on how long they've been going out and how serious it is. A lot of girls I'd be interested in are always seeing someone. I guess that's just a side-effect of them being attractive, interesting people. If I thought they felt they same way, I wouldn't hesitate in making a move, even if they were seeing someone. If she had a long-term boyfriend though, I'd steer well clear. I mean I'd still make it obvious I was interested, then the ball's in her court. But actually asking her out, or attempting to split them up would be pretty shitty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure how long they've been together or how serious it is, she doesn't really talk about him much to me.
    I've made it blatantly obvious how I feel and she knows this, yet she doesn't shy away. Instead she flirts more, but hasn't actually made it clear that she wants to be with me or break up with her boyfriend.
    I don't want to split people up, I've made my feelings clear so I'm going to leave it up to her now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best thing you can do is ask her to make up her mind whether she wants you or her boyfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me and my current girlfriend have been together for nearly a year now. Prior to that, I was pursuing her for ages, as I knew there was a mutual attraction. The pursuing was horrible, made me feel constantly shit and meant that I had no chance of going after any other women, but in the end it worked out and I'm so happy that I went for it as I knew she wasright for me.

    My advice would be to follow yor heart, and if you really believe there is the potential for something to happen, go for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    The best thing you can do is ask her to make up her mind whether she wants you or her boyfriend.
    wtf! dont do that! Great conversation that could turn out to be...
    "Yeah so erm...its either me or your bf"
    "I'll stick with him then"
    "ah........"
    *que awkward silence then awkwardness for the rest of your working career there*

    You can kind of tip the scales your way a bit, just continue getting more and more flirty until (rather if) she backs down.
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