In your opinion...

Former Member

...without knowing the full details of my story, do you reckon a man could get someone arrested for harassment - and get the claim to stand up in court - (bearing in mind that harassment is a 'continued course of unwanted behaviour'), when only 5 days before he made the claim he'd let her stay over at his house, shared a bed and had sex with her, and told her that he wanted to "stay friends" and keep in touch?

Surely if you're feeling stressed out and deeply affected by someone's 'harassment', you'd either call the police as soon as you saw them, or not let them into your home and definitely not sleep with them!?

I don't need any snidey comments or people posting pictures of broken records, just honest answers to my question please...

Former Member

He may be able to get someone arrested for breach of a harassment order, if one has been made (bearing in mind it isn't the job of a police officer to decide guilt).
It's unlikely however in those circumstances that the CPS would charge, it's even more unlikely that a judge would convict.

If you want some advice though, I'm assuming it's you you're talking about, stay away. The guy sounds like a cock, if he's changing his mind every 2 minutes.

Former Member

no, i dont think he could.

Former Member

There aren't any harassment orders or anything on me. Although...I do have a conditional discharge for criminal damage (eek that sounds bad...I broke his window when he'd been letting me stay over then kicked me out at 3am while telling me to freeze to death "and the baby too" - I'm having his baby - he knew I had no money to get home and he laughed at me then threw a thin sheet down fromt he bathroom window...which landed in the drain. I know I shouldn't have broken his window but I was exhausted, 5 months pregnant and kind of desperate to get back into the warmth.)

He found out about the C.D and has now somehow added 'damage to his property' to my charge; well I think it's officially 'harassment with damage to property' or something like that - the damage part is from a hole in his bedroom ceileing from when I went up into his loft (nothing dodgy, he asked me to get something!) and we noticed a crack in the ceiling afterwards (from the weight of me being up there, I assume) which turned into a hole the next day, when some of the plaster fell down. I told my ex about it at the time, but now he's saying he didn't know about it until the day I got arrested! Almost a week later :rolleyes:

So I guess I answered my own question when it comes to the arrest; you can get someone arrested for harassment, if you play the victim well enough - but it goes to court on the 14th. My solicitor was hopeful the other day, but he didn't know the full story then (that the damage has been added, etc) so I'm not feeling so positive.
All I've got in my defence is that everytime anything like this has happened, my ex has been playing happy families with me for a few days/weeks before then suddenly changes his mind, and that only a week before this incident he let me stay over, we slept together and he was saying he wanted to stay friends - hopefully that'll discount the harassment, but I'm really worried in case the 'damage' escalates into 'criminal damage' and then the conditional discharge gets called into question.

He's a c**t...and I'm stupid for believing him, obviously.
Anyone with a law degree or anything that might be able to shed some light on how I'll get on in court/anything that could help me? Can't exactly prove that we had sex and he said he wanted to stay mates, and I KNOW he'll lie through his teeth and deny it.

Former Member

honestly Alasia, Learn your lesson PLEASE.

And what the hell are you doing going climbing in his/your/ANYONES loft when youre pregnant. Bloody dangerous if you fell.

This "relationship" is totally mutually destructive. You need to go on Jeremy Kyle or something

Former Member

I know. There is no relationship.

I'm intending to stay away from him from now on - I was just lulled into believing him when he started going on about changing and being a better father...should have known better.

What I'm concerned about now is the court thing.

Former Member

Don't worry about the court thing. Even *if* the judge (or jury, not sure when it's a jury and when it's a judge) finds you guilty, he's not going to put you in prison. Worst case would be a restraining order.

But in all likelihood as long as your solicitor does his job then there won't relaly be an issue. In my opnion. But no court in the land is going to do anything bad towards a pregnant woman.

Former Member

Well hopefully not! It's a magistrates court I'm going to; I was there on Wednesday to hear that the case was going to be adjourned, and at the time I was worried they might not grant me bail and remand me in jail until the court date!
I had a female 'lead magistrate' (whatever they're called...lol, there are 3 judges and one sits in the middle) which my solicitor said would help, and embarrassingly I almost lost it when she said I'd get bail! I welled up and had to really struggle to compose myself! The magistrate looked like she was trying to hold it together too, so hopefully I'll get her on the 14th

I'm hoping they'll see that although I've been an idiot and handled things badly (consistently!), I'm not *trying* to harass or bug the hell out of my ex. I would have liked to stay on speaking terms with him but as he doesn't want that, all I want to do now is move on with my life. I'm actually considering moving back down to Devon, but I'm not sure yet...

ETA: But they do put pregnant women in jail - that's why they have mother and baby units in prisons, there are loads of women pregnant and giving birth in jail every week... I think it is unlikely that it'll happen, it's more likely (like you said shyboy) that I'll get an injunction, then if I broke that (which obviously I wouldn't), it might go further. Just sad that it had to come to this, but hey.

Former Member

They will put pregnant women in jail sometimes, but I would expect a judge to take it into account when sentencing. Best of luck.

Former Member

they put pregnant women in jail very rarely.
Not usually because the pregnant woman is misguidedly trying to keep a relationship with the babys father.

Seriously though, keep away etc etc ad nauseum.

Former Member

Don't worry, I will.

Like I said, I'm thinking of moving away anyway - the idea's seeming more and more attractive the more I think about it, and my sister lives on Torquay so...

But yep, staying away from him, for definite.

Former Member

It's a win win situation. You've got nothing to lose, you can make a clean break from this guy, you get to be closer to your sister (I don't know where torquay is but I'm assuming), you get a good chance to start afresh with your new baby. Sounds fab to me!

Former Member

alasia wrote: »

...without knowing the full details of my story, do you reckon a man could get someone arrested for harassment - and get the claim to stand up in court - (bearing in mind that harassment is a 'continued course of unwanted behaviour'), when only 5 days before he made the claim he'd let her stay over at his house, shared a bed and had sex with her, and told her that he wanted to "stay friends" and keep in touch?

Surely if you're feeling stressed out and deeply affected by someone's 'harassment', you'd either call the police as soon as you saw them, or not let them into your home and definitely not sleep with them!?

I don't need any snidey comments or people posting pictures of broken records, just honest answers to my question please...

It's your word against his.

Not too sure what, but it seems like he thinks you've done something wrong or he regrets letting you stay over and realised that wasn't what he really wanted.