If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
If someone cheated on you, how did you find out?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
'
0
Comments
Thankfully it wasn't anything serious so i wasn't too bothered.
My best friend used to babysit for people in our area to raise a bit of extra cash, she was given the phone number of a lady (I use that term loosely) who needed a babysitter so she gave them a ring on her landline to confirm dates etc, guess who answered the phone? My boyfriend!!! He had quite a distinctive voice on the phone so she knew it was him, he was even as stupid as to confirm it was him before he realised who he was speaking to!!
He had cheated before that but I hadn't realised - he told all our mutual friends we had split up (when we hadn't to my knowledge!) and I wondered why I was getting all this sympathy from people. Then I saw a friends photos from a festival they had all been to - I had been at home with our son, and it all clicked into place
Anyway, tried to put it past us - only texting afterall. She says she doesn't want to see / talk to him anymore as it's too much pressure on us. Good. But then she says he's offered to let her go round her house to watch TV. She does. Every week. I stand by like a numpty - afterall it would be wrong of me to stop my girlfriend seeing a friend, even if she had flirted with him, wouldn't it? Then she told me one day it was physical. I was upset.
She stopped seeing him again. For about three weeks. Then started seeing him more and more, going online more and more (before this, she never ever went online except to check emails), she wouldn't talk to me when she WAS online, just say 'how are you' 'i love you' over and over. Then I asked her to send me a chat log, and it had suspicious things in (I found out later she had edited the bit out about him kissing her). She had emails from him saying what a 'perfect day' he'd had with her... but as far as I knew they hadn't done anything. She said he was just weird.
I had a lot of suspicions, people were telling me, everything really, but I wouldn't let myself believe it, until I tricked him into confessing everything like an idiot. Then I broke up with her, but had a holiday booked the next week. (this was sunday we broke up). Saturday she went into town and just spent the whole time making out with this guy.
Week we went on hols, he thought she was his now, but she kept saying how she'd always love me in a way she couldn't love anyone else, and things with me would always be more special... cue erotic love scenes :rolleyes:. Then, friday we got back, saturday she spent the whole day at his... can't believe she wasn't tired out by then. Anyway, after that, said I didn't really want to speak to her. But after a week or so she climbed back into my bed, then she said he was awful, horrible, that she couldn't stand him in every way, then she met this guy over the internet for a random encounter, I said I wanted space, she cried. She wasn't seeing the first guy at this point, he was suicidial and trying to lure her back.
In the end though, everything else fizzled out and we became friends again. And friends turned into more. Makes me feel a bit dumb saying it all though. Sorry, kind of went past the point didn't I?
Second one everybody told me that she was bad for putting it about a bit, but I didn't listen and ploughed on regardless. I think it hit home when she was round at mine around Xmas time and she wasn't even trying to hide the fact that she was on the phone to her bloke in the next room. Lived in denial for a while after that, but it still fucks with my head a bit even now.
Third one didn't actually cheat, but stung me for money for a kid that wasn't mine. Didn't find out it wasn't mine till I went and confronted her and she broke down. I just sort of took her word for it. Oops..
I'm quite spineless tbh.
The second, third and fourth time was with my ex of three years. He was too much of a coward to tell me himself and I always found out off other people. However, with the third girl he had slept with behind my back, he denied it for months despite me being paranoid (which I never was because it turned out I was right) then randomly told me. I really should have dumped him the first time he treated me like shit though. I was just in a really bad place at the time and was sorta dependent on him
I'll never let a guy cheat on me again and get away with it. The guy I've talked about above told me he would never do anything again after the first time yet it happened twice more and tbh, I don't believe for a second he didn't cheat on me even more especially when we both went to University. However, I don't really give a shit now, all of the girls he did cheat on me with were known as being desperate, easy slappers.
Some blokes pay for that
What I'm saying is, I think I was a little harsh on my first love. I dumped him for kissing a girl when he admitted to it straight away, was sorry and realised he was in the wrong THEN I let some moron cheat on me at least 3 times and this wasn't just kissing, it was sex.
If I didn't dump the first guy, I would never have ended up with the moron I ended up with for 3 years.
Yeah I agree. I know you may have suspicions, and I'm sorry if he is cheating, but this has always been wrong to me. It's like reading someone's diary. I'd say if you're finding yourself having to read his texts, then your relationship has issues whether he's cheating or not...
My bestfriend was at sixth form with the girl who he cheated on me with. She didn't realise that my bestfriend knew me or anything so was bragging about seeing a guy called J...who was unhappy in his relationship and that they had kissed etc...Anyway my bestfriend asked the girl his last name and it matched up.
Then when I confronted J he left the room saying 'Don't look at my text messages! They're incriminating!' So he leaves the room and I look and yup they were. Cue me throwing a book at his head and walking out the flat.
Jesus christ, reading the infamous story for the first time. Sounds like she seriously had some screws loose. Reminds me of the simpsons episode with homer and his lobster friend, which he accidently cooks and cries all the time about him, as he eats him.
your g/f crying to you, what horrible mistakes she's doing, while continuously fucking with him. 0% regret.
And you went back to her?
"Officer, you can see everything I have on me except the bloody knife in the left pocket in my jacket. It proves me guilty for the murder you're investigating."
I got myself checked out at the GUM clinic and found out I had chlamydia. Fucker.
Yeah. Another case of 'I dont have the guts to tell you but hey take a gander at my mobby instead'.
Halloween that is so shit. Times like these that I really wish karma existed.
Her: "Hello?"
Me: "Erm hi. Is Jack there?"
H: "He's in the shower... who's this?"
M: "His girlfriend...."
H: "Erm, I think you've got the wrong Jack, I'm his girlfriend..."
M: "Hmmm really? Yeah, let me speak to him."
H: "He's in the shower - who ARE you!! "
M: "I don't care, put him ON THE PHONE!"
Haha cue me giving him a RIGHT ear bashing. I'm thinking the other girl caught on as well, because just as I was hanging up I heard a few slammed doors. Hahahahaha. Bastard.
ETA; Although to this day he reckons I made it up. My friend knew him from his old school, and when I told her about it she asked him. He spun her this line about how I'd made it all up because I was too cowardly to break up with him to his face.
just because you wouldn't mind him reading your texts, doesn't mean it's okay for you to read his. even if he didn't have anything to hide.
I don't know what you should do about this texting lark... Are you familiar with his friends? If it's a friend he's texting, why not ask after her and see how he replies? Or you could play about with his phone, then ask if you can read his messages (me and my boyfriend read each others, but maybe in your relationship this would be unusual) and then see how he reacts, ie. yes or no, etc.
yeah but to be fair it's standard relationship stuff. With any boyfriend you're bound to have a sneaky look at their texts, especially near the beginning of a relationship. I know I've done it.