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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I commented recently to someone on MSN that when you meet someoen on the internet - in a place like this you get to know them "From the Inside Out" rather then in reallife where you meet them in person first and get to know them "from the outside in"
Which do you think is better?
I prefer te first - not so much the Internet part but the way you get to know someone's thoughts, hopes, dreams and ambitions. You learn what makes them tick and what scares them, etc and often once yo've know them in that deep and intense way - when you find ot what they look like it doesn't even mater cos you see their inner beuty and see them as a whole person rather then what they look like onthe outside.
I think when you meet someone for the first time an dit's in the the flesh - your mind constructs all sorts of preconceptios about them based on their looks and their dress sense, etc that gets in the way of getting to know them a person.
What are you thougts on the issue and do you have any examples that demonstrate either situation?
Which do you think is better?
I prefer te first - not so much the Internet part but the way you get to know someone's thoughts, hopes, dreams and ambitions. You learn what makes them tick and what scares them, etc and often once yo've know them in that deep and intense way - when you find ot what they look like it doesn't even mater cos you see their inner beuty and see them as a whole person rather then what they look like onthe outside.
I think when you meet someone for the first time an dit's in the the flesh - your mind constructs all sorts of preconceptios about them based on their looks and their dress sense, etc that gets in the way of getting to know them a person.
What are you thougts on the issue and do you have any examples that demonstrate either situation?
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I do make friends more easily online though because offline I am rather insecure and sometimes I feel that my face aint pretty enough to be liked by the general public. :eek:
But even if I try my best to be honest online then I often put on a different face without meaning to. Perhaps that's who I _really_ am deep inside, but offline it really isn't me (I've had some personal traumas in the past and am aware that I've become less open and trusting as a result of that).
So I really don't know. I also think that friendships may sometimes be a bit more faked online. I had a guy that I thought as one of my best friends ditch me completely as he got a girlfriend. I honestly thought that I was something more to him than a "disposable friend to be tossed away when not needed anymore".
But I really like the fact that people cannot judge me by my appearances alone online. That people that have not asked me my age or gender don't really care because it's simply not important to have the conversation we're having at the time (it often does make a difference whether people know age/sex or not though).
All this text and I didn't even answer your question properly.. tsk!
I love chattign on the net and there are some really gr8 ppl around. U can be whatever and don't have to worry about insecurities but that also means people only see one side of u.
They both have there good points and i think its just a personal preference.
Then again i met someone i've been chatting to the other day and he was nothing like what i imagined but we got on even better in real life so its hard to say.
Was that someone from the site?
But as for relationships, I've been there and done that with internet relationships and prefer the real life method. I think I tend to build people up better than they are on the net and build a picture up in my mind that exaggerates their good points and ignores their bad points. then when I meet them, I still have this false impression in my head, and I end up being disappointed.
I also think you need the physical spark for a relationship to work as well, something you just don't know if it will exist when you meet someone over the net.
So I have only met him 4-5 times, but he knows more about me than any other friend whom I may meet even every day.
In some ways the Internet is a good way to meet people because you can talk to people who you would not normally be able to talk to, because they live in a different area. It also provides a way of meeting people without actually having to be interested in things (you can simply log onto a chat room or whatever while going out and meeting people generally requires you to go to things you're interested in, or at least pretend to be interested in). I think, in British society, the Internet seems to have slightly replaced the pub as a way of meeting new people. Although some people go into pubs to talk to strangers, they aren't really as sociable as they used to be.
However, to speak to people on the Internet you have to have access to a computer, which can sometimes be difficult. Also there's the worry that they'll hate you once they discover what you look like. When you meet people in person, you get that over and done with, because they can see what you're wearing and everything. You also get to communicate nonverbally, which can be quite important.
I've never tried Internet dating. It seems a bit for people who are desperate, and they're bound to judge you by your pictures of yourself rather than you, which is fine for some people, but not for others! I don't know, it just seems awful really, not like visiting a prostitute, but coming close to it in terms of being a desperate measure, but if you think it works and everything, then by all means refute my statement!
t' internet can be useful for making contact but you can't really class someone as a friend until you've met them, surely. they could have a complete internet persona, i.e. paedophiles etc..
I got a good example of both, all in the same person
When I was talking to Scott on here I was kinda me, but when I went to go meet him for real I was kinda shy (partly why I brought my Woo along with me, she's NOT shy!).
And another one, one of my friends ex's ex-mates (yes confusing lol) I get on really good with online and can talk to him about anything for AGES, but all the times I've been around him for real (like, 3 times lol) I've been all shy, the only word I've ever spoken to him is 'goodbye' which was directed at all 3 people I was with. Might have had something to do with the fact that he is drop-dead gorgeous though . . .
no it wasn't ne1 from the site haven't really chatted to many ppl yet as am a newbie and don't have access to the computer a lot. (Have to share it with my brother )
Can't wait till he goes to uni
GUH! People like you soooo annoy me. Why is it a desperate measure? God, so bloody stupid. It's not like EVERYONE who has these net things goes out LOOKING for some person on the net to fall for. 'Oh, what shall I do today? Oh, I know, I'll go see if I can meet any people on the net and get them to 'fancy' me because, oh, if I'm seeing someone on the net it must mean I can't get people in real life!!!!'. It's a whole lot more complicated. :mad:
I've had one internet thingy and it was in no way planned. I had a REAL LIFE boyfriend at the time and have noooo trouble getting guys, so I am not at all desperate. :mad: And it wasn't just about pictures since the guy I was actually going out with was better looking than the guy I was talking to on the net. I can't even explain how/why it happens. But it's not this thing that only saddo's who can't find someone they want in real life do.
I'm sure some people go out looking for relationships or what not on the net, but I doubt that's how it happens with the majority.
Having said that, the guy I met ended up being a wanker who made me feel like shit for months after we met. :mad: So I prefer meeting people, friends, men, whatever, in real life and stuff rather than on the net. Even though a lot of them end up being wankers too. But real life is more convenient and easy and blah de blah. You get to know the person just as well eventually anyway.
Yes yes, i agree :thumb:
You can tell more when you meet someone what they mean by how they use NVC and their tone...and sometimes you kinda miss that here....
Also, if you tell someone your dreams and stuff and you do usually get into heavier stuff online than you would in perosn, it can be kinda odd if you do meet up.....end up feeling awkward cos u cant go into the convo you would if you met them for 1st time (without having talkedto them online) but u cant start off where you left cos it feels awkward....
Does that make sence?
I'm just waffling now. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that you can end up just as easily meeting someone whose fake in real life as online - it's just that online is still seen as sad, and dangerous, as it's so new.
Mr_Wobble
you are steeeeeeyoooooooopid. go away.
Alright, I can see your point. Internet dating isn't my cup of tea but I'm by no means knocking it. I understand you can do it for fun and all that. I'm just saying it's not a very good way of finding love if you are looking for it, people tend to lie about who they are and stuff. But each to their own, if people like using that method then that's fine, I'm not saying they shouldn't do Internet dating just because I don't.
But people do that 'in real life' too. I never understand why people say that. If someone's gonna lie about themselves they're gonna do it whether it's over the net or in person.
Well said hun.
Personally I'm gonna hedge my bets here. I've been lucky with the folks I've met online they've all be honest and genuine folks who yeah probably a few of them I have been out with cos I've known them from inside out rather than meeting them first where I would have judged them on appearence etc. But then the internet is a much easier way to talk to folks. I know I'm far more relaxed and likely to be honest online. But then I'm odd.
I relaly don't know where I'm going with this my heads screwed today.
Yes, I'm not denying that people lie about it in real life. But people on the Internet can lie about who they are to a greater extent and people may believe them. For instance, a 50-year-old man could say on the Internet that they were a 20-year-old woman and send in pictures of a young woman with their profile and people would actually believe them. In real life it would be pretty difficult to make people believe them. They could lie about their job, their hobbies, their mates, their sex life, etc. and those lies could seem credible. But convincing the other person that they were a 20-year-old woman would be virtually impossible. This is one of the main reasons why Internet dating is not worth doing if you are serious about finding a partner (though you can tell the 50-year-old man posing as a 20-year-old woman, when you find out who he is, to go and get a life!). Doing it for fun is largely a different matter and definitely worth doing if that's what you want to do.
In some ways yes. But I think if people are serious about finding a date online then they won't be looking in chat rooms etc anyways, which is wjhere the majority of lies are told. Personally I have nowt against internet dating. I met my fella online and we're happy as anything now and I coiuldn't imagine my life without him. but there we go
It does sound a bit sad to purposely go online to seek a relationship though. But in reality it's no worse than personal ads anywhere really.
Mr_Wobble