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Getting to know you ...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I commented recently to someone on MSN that when you meet someoen on the internet - in a place like this you get to know them "From the Inside Out" rather then in reallife where you meet them in person first and get to know them "from the outside in"

Which do you think is better?

I prefer te first - not so much the Internet part but the way you get to know someone's thoughts, hopes, dreams and ambitions. You learn what makes them tick and what scares them, etc and often once yo've know them in that deep and intense way - when you find ot what they look like it doesn't even mater cos you see their inner beuty and see them as a whole person rather then what they look like onthe outside.

I think when you meet someone for the first time an dit's in the the flesh - your mind constructs all sorts of preconceptios about them based on their looks and their dress sense, etc that gets in the way of getting to know them a person.

What are you thougts on the issue and do you have any examples that demonstrate either situation?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not really sure about this one really..

    I do make friends more easily online though because offline I am rather insecure and sometimes I feel that my face aint pretty enough to be liked by the general public. :eek: :p

    But even if I try my best to be honest online then I often put on a different face without meaning to. Perhaps that's who I _really_ am deep inside, but offline it really isn't me (I've had some personal traumas in the past and am aware that I've become less open and trusting as a result of that).

    So I really don't know. I also think that friendships may sometimes be a bit more faked online. I had a guy that I thought as one of my best friends ditch me completely as he got a girlfriend. I honestly thought that I was something more to him than a "disposable friend to be tossed away when not needed anymore".

    But I really like the fact that people cannot judge me by my appearances alone online. That people that have not asked me my age or gender don't really care because it's simply not important to have the conversation we're having at the time (it often does make a difference whether people know age/sex or not though).

    All this text and I didn't even answer your question properly.. tsk! :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm the opposite and find it much easier to get to know someone i've met. Just think its easier to understand their reactions and i think u get to them them more as a complete person.
    I love chattign on the net and there are some really gr8 ppl around. U can be whatever and don't have to worry about insecurities but that also means people only see one side of u.
    They both have there good points and i think its just a personal preference.
    Then again i met someone i've been chatting to the other day and he was nothing like what i imagined but we got on even better in real life so its hard to say. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by spellbound
    Then again i met someone i've been chatting to the other day and he was nothing like what i imagined but we got on even better in real life so its hard to say. :)


    Was that someone from the site?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As far as making new friends is concerned then the internet is great. It lets you talk to people in a different way than you would in real life, somehow.

    But as for relationships, I've been there and done that with internet relationships and prefer the real life method. I think I tend to build people up better than they are on the net and build a picture up in my mind that exaggerates their good points and ignores their bad points. then when I meet them, I still have this false impression in my head, and I end up being disappointed.

    I also think you need the physical spark for a relationship to work as well, something you just don't know if it will exist when you meet someone over the net.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find myself talking more openly through internet than in person. I met my best friend in person for the first time, but since we live in different countries our friendship developed more through chatting on the net.
    So I have only met him 4-5 times, but he knows more about me than any other friend whom I may meet even every day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I like a bit of both really.

    In some ways the Internet is a good way to meet people because you can talk to people who you would not normally be able to talk to, because they live in a different area. It also provides a way of meeting people without actually having to be interested in things (you can simply log onto a chat room or whatever while going out and meeting people generally requires you to go to things you're interested in, or at least pretend to be interested in). I think, in British society, the Internet seems to have slightly replaced the pub as a way of meeting new people. Although some people go into pubs to talk to strangers, they aren't really as sociable as they used to be.

    However, to speak to people on the Internet you have to have access to a computer, which can sometimes be difficult. Also there's the worry that they'll hate you once they discover what you look like. When you meet people in person, you get that over and done with, because they can see what you're wearing and everything. You also get to communicate nonverbally, which can be quite important.

    I've never tried Internet dating. It seems a bit for people who are desperate, and they're bound to judge you by your pictures of yourself rather than you, which is fine for some people, but not for others! I don't know, it just seems awful really, not like visiting a prostitute, but coming close to it in terms of being a desperate measure, but if you think it works and everything, then by all means refute my statement!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    real life is so much better than on the internet. no arguments. it's so much more difficult for people to bullshit in real life, face to face.

    t' internet can be useful for making contact but you can't really class someone as a friend until you've met them, surely. they could have a complete internet persona, i.e. paedophiles etc..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm more myself when I'm online, when I first meet people I am very shy and, well, don't ACTUALLY talk to them. But if I meet people online I can just be me straight away, however, there are maybe only about 5, maybe 6 people that know the real me, only TWO of those people (one's the maybe, and one is my bestest best mate in the whole world who I haven't seen since I moved to Essex 3 1/2 years ago :() I didn't meet online. Some of my best mates I met on here, one of them I met on a chat room last summer, he's great, lives in Finland though so I can't meet him :p. People get to know me better as I see more of them.

    I got a good example of both, all in the same person :p

    When I was talking to Scott on here I was kinda me, but when I went to go meet him for real I was kinda shy (partly why I brought my Woo along with me, she's NOT shy!).

    And another one, one of my friends ex's ex-mates (yes confusing lol) I get on really good with online and can talk to him about anything for AGES, but all the times I've been around him for real (like, 3 times lol) I've been all shy, the only word I've ever spoken to him is 'goodbye' which was directed at all 3 people I was with. Might have had something to do with the fact that he is drop-dead gorgeous though . . .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DiamondGeezer
    Was that someone from the site?

    no it wasn't ne1 from the site haven't really chatted to many ppl yet as am a newbie and don't have access to the computer a lot. (Have to share it with my brother :( )
    Can't wait till he goes to uni :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by will haycock
    I've never tried Internet dating. It seems a bit for people who are desperate, and they're bound to judge you by your pictures of yourself rather than you, which is fine for some people, but not for others! I don't know, it just seems awful really, not like visiting a prostitute, but coming close to it in terms of being a desperate measure, but if you think it works and everything, then by all means refute my statement!

    GUH! People like you soooo annoy me. Why is it a desperate measure? God, so bloody stupid. It's not like EVERYONE who has these net things goes out LOOKING for some person on the net to fall for. 'Oh, what shall I do today? Oh, I know, I'll go see if I can meet any people on the net and get them to 'fancy' me because, oh, if I'm seeing someone on the net it must mean I can't get people in real life!!!!'. It's a whole lot more complicated. :mad:

    I've had one internet thingy and it was in no way planned. I had a REAL LIFE boyfriend at the time and have noooo trouble getting guys, so I am not at all desperate. :mad: And it wasn't just about pictures since the guy I was actually going out with was better looking than the guy I was talking to on the net. I can't even explain how/why it happens. But it's not this thing that only saddo's who can't find someone they want in real life do.

    I'm sure some people go out looking for relationships or what not on the net, but I doubt that's how it happens with the majority. :confused:

    Having said that, the guy I met ended up being a wanker who made me feel like shit for months after we met. :mad: :( So I prefer meeting people, friends, men, whatever, in real life and stuff rather than on the net. Even though a lot of them end up being wankers too. But real life is more convenient and easy and blah de blah. You get to know the person just as well eventually anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    GUH! People like you soooo annoy me. Why is it a desperate measure? God, so bloody stupid. It's not like EVERYONE who has these net things goes out LOOKING for some person on the net to fall for. 'Oh, what shall I do today? Oh, I know, I'll go see if I can meet any people on the net and get them to 'fancy' me because, oh, if I'm seeing someone on the net it must mean I can't get people in real life!!!!'. It's a whole lot more complicated. :mad:
    That made me laugh :D

    Yes yes, i agree :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm.....
    You can tell more when you meet someone what they mean by how they use NVC and their tone...and sometimes you kinda miss that here....
    Also, if you tell someone your dreams and stuff and you do usually get into heavier stuff online than you would in perosn, it can be kinda odd if you do meet up.....end up feeling awkward cos u cant go into the convo you would if you met them for 1st time (without having talkedto them online) but u cant start off where you left cos it feels awkward....

    Does that make sence?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I've been in a very similar situation to you Daisy. I agree with what you just said there. It has changed my views on meeting people off the net though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think theres much difference to meeting someone online than there is by randomly bumping into someone on a night out in a pub or club, at least as far as knowing someone goes. You know nothing about them appart from what they tell you for a start. In real life you can be easily impressed by thier flash clothes and gift of the gab, and alcohol usually gives you beer goggles when viewing their looks and personality. Online their humour, wit, and openess can impress, but you can't be too sure if that's how they come across in real life. The delay of messages online can give people time to think about a reply, whereas in real life there may be awkward pauses in the conversation.
    I'm just waffling now. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that you can end up just as easily meeting someone whose fake in real life as online - it's just that online is still seen as sad, and dangerous, as it's so new.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd prefer to meet someone people in real life- some people can be a little false or say what they want on here and who are we to question theM? I'd make good friends a lot easier face to face rather than through here when lets face how many of us really know each other on here?Like how many people can even say they know peoples first name? (Unless given in the screen name!")
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by will haycock
    I've never tried Internet dating. It seems a bit for people who are desperate, and they're bound to judge you by your pictures of yourself rather than you, which is fine for some people, but not for others! I don't know, it just seems awful really, not like visiting a prostitute, but coming close to it in terms of being a desperate measure, but if you think it works and everything, then by all means refute my statement!

    you are steeeeeeyoooooooopid. go away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    GUH! People like you soooo annoy me. Why is it a desperate measure? God, so bloody stupid. It's not like EVERYONE who has these net things goes out LOOKING for some person on the net to fall for. 'Oh, what shall I do today? Oh, I know, I'll go see if I can meet any people on the net and get them to 'fancy' me because, oh, if I'm seeing someone on the net it must mean I can't get people in real life!!!!'. It's a whole lot more complicated. :mad:

    I've had one internet thingy and it was in no way planned. I had a REAL LIFE boyfriend at the time and have noooo trouble getting guys, so I am not at all desperate. :mad: And it wasn't just about pictures since the guy I was actually going out with was better looking than the guy I was talking to on the net. I can't even explain how/why it happens. But it's not this thing that only saddo's who can't find someone they want in real life do.

    I'm sure some people go out looking for relationships or what not on the net, but I doubt that's how it happens with the majority. :confused:

    Having said that, the guy I met ended up being a wanker who made me feel like shit for months after we met. :mad: :( So I prefer meeting people, friends, men, whatever, in real life and stuff rather than on the net. Even though a lot of them end up being wankers too. But real life is more convenient and easy and blah de blah. You get to know the person just as well eventually anyway.

    Alright, I can see your point. Internet dating isn't my cup of tea but I'm by no means knocking it. I understand you can do it for fun and all that. I'm just saying it's not a very good way of finding love if you are looking for it, people tend to lie about who they are and stuff. But each to their own, if people like using that method then that's fine, I'm not saying they shouldn't do Internet dating just because I don't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by will haycock
    people tend to lie about who they are and stuff.

    But people do that 'in real life' too. :confused: I never understand why people say that. If someone's gonna lie about themselves they're gonna do it whether it's over the net or in person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    But people do that 'in real life' too. :confused: I never understand why people say that. If someone's gonna lie about themselves they're gonna do it whether it's over the net or in person.

    Well said hun. :)

    Personally I'm gonna hedge my bets here. I've been lucky with the folks I've met online they've all be honest and genuine folks who yeah probably a few of them I have been out with cos I've known them from inside out rather than meeting them first where I would have judged them on appearence etc. But then the internet is a much easier way to talk to folks. I know I'm far more relaxed and likely to be honest online. But then I'm odd.

    I relaly don't know where I'm going with this my heads screwed today.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    But people do that 'in real life' too. :confused: I never understand why people say that. If someone's gonna lie about themselves they're gonna do it whether it's over the net or in person.
    Spot on Daisy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    But people do that 'in real life' too. :confused: I never understand why people say that. If someone's gonna lie about themselves they're gonna do it whether it's over the net or in person.

    Yes, I'm not denying that people lie about it in real life. But people on the Internet can lie about who they are to a greater extent and people may believe them. For instance, a 50-year-old man could say on the Internet that they were a 20-year-old woman and send in pictures of a young woman with their profile and people would actually believe them. In real life it would be pretty difficult to make people believe them. They could lie about their job, their hobbies, their mates, their sex life, etc. and those lies could seem credible. But convincing the other person that they were a 20-year-old woman would be virtually impossible. This is one of the main reasons why Internet dating is not worth doing if you are serious about finding a partner (though you can tell the 50-year-old man posing as a 20-year-old woman, when you find out who he is, to go and get a life!). Doing it for fun is largely a different matter and definitely worth doing if that's what you want to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by will haycock
    This is one of the main reasons why Internet dating is not worth doing if you are serious about finding a partner (though you can tell the 50-year-old man posing as a 20-year-old woman, when you find out who he is, to go and get a life!). Doing it for fun is largely a different matter and definitely worth doing if that's what you want to do.

    In some ways yes. But I think if people are serious about finding a date online then they won't be looking in chat rooms etc anyways, which is wjhere the majority of lies are told. Personally I have nowt against internet dating. I met my fella online and we're happy as anything now and I coiuldn't imagine my life without him. but there we go :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The relationship I had from the Internet began spontaneously. Neither of us were looking for love, but we found it. We just chatted for hours online, by email, and then eventually by phone. It just happens.
    It does sound a bit sad to purposely go online to seek a relationship though. But in reality it's no worse than personal ads anywhere really.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is getting a bit off from the original question so I think I'll post a new topic.
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