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Self-Mutilation.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
I've recently started slashing my skin as a way of releasing emotion. After reading the Depression/Self-Harm thread at the top of the page I thought I'd never purposely cut myself, and the thought of being covered in scars scares me. I know this just looks like another fucked up teenager crying out for attention, but when I cut myself, the rush I get when I do, makes me wanna do it again. I feel sort of calmer. I'm completely terrified I'll do it again, and I want it to stop now, I just dont see how.
I feel as if I've had to pretty much lean on myself all my life when it comes to dealing with problems, etc. Its not that my Mum doesnt try, she just sucks at giving advice and being there for me, because seeing me upset, upsets her (my Dad lives in Spain).
When I feel like dying I'm usually so overwhelmed by emotion that I just can't handle it. Sometimes I just feel numb. I'm ashamed to say that a few months ago, I tried commiting suicide for attention. This totally disgusts me now, as I now truely know what it feels like to want to die.
Usually when I'm depressed and feeling a bit suicidal, I dont act upon as its often just PMT...
I feel like I've been crying out for help for a while now, and no one's noticed. Iv now gotta try hiding my cuts, bruises and swelling from everyone cos i dont want everyone to know what a total freak and loser and most obviously am.
I wish I didn't feel like this as my life is actually wonderful, and I feel so low for wanting it to end, and I cant understand where these feelings come from!
Help.
I've recently started slashing my skin as a way of releasing emotion. After reading the Depression/Self-Harm thread at the top of the page I thought I'd never purposely cut myself, and the thought of being covered in scars scares me. I know this just looks like another fucked up teenager crying out for attention, but when I cut myself, the rush I get when I do, makes me wanna do it again. I feel sort of calmer. I'm completely terrified I'll do it again, and I want it to stop now, I just dont see how.
I feel as if I've had to pretty much lean on myself all my life when it comes to dealing with problems, etc. Its not that my Mum doesnt try, she just sucks at giving advice and being there for me, because seeing me upset, upsets her (my Dad lives in Spain).
When I feel like dying I'm usually so overwhelmed by emotion that I just can't handle it. Sometimes I just feel numb. I'm ashamed to say that a few months ago, I tried commiting suicide for attention. This totally disgusts me now, as I now truely know what it feels like to want to die.
Usually when I'm depressed and feeling a bit suicidal, I dont act upon as its often just PMT...
I feel like I've been crying out for help for a while now, and no one's noticed. Iv now gotta try hiding my cuts, bruises and swelling from everyone cos i dont want everyone to know what a total freak and loser and most obviously am.
I wish I didn't feel like this as my life is actually wonderful, and I feel so low for wanting it to end, and I cant understand where these feelings come from!
Help.
0
Comments
Why would you want to end life? The best help would maybe be to ask a counsellor this, go in privacy if u dont want others to find out like your mum, but dont let it go on, some day maybe your boyfriend could dump you and you could go too far and cut the wrong part of urself and die, now we wouldnt want that.
Do u drink alot?
I rarely drink, to be honest i prefer a smoke.. The sadness I had earlier has sort of slipped a bit. I'm up and down like a yo-yo, it drives me mad!
u eva need to talk PM ne...i tend to be a good listener
Useful articles:
What is depression
Feeling suicidal
Self harm
This helpline is also supposed to be good:
The Bristol Crisis Centre for Women
They run local support groups for women who injure themselves, and also have a national self-harm helpline for women in distress.
Telephone: 0117 925 1119, open Friday and Saturday evenings from 9pm to 12.30am
www.users.zetnet.co.uk/BCSW
Take care of you
and make that appointment
Susie
First off, I know exactly how you feel because I have felt the same way. I had gone through self-mutilation a lot in my past. To the point where it was almost everyday.
I have also had thought about suicide a lot in my past. I have my reasons why I did this, but I'm not going to go into detail. I have also tried attempting suicide, but not for attention, but because, at the times that I had tried it, I really did want to die because things were getting to unbearable to handle and I just wanted all the shit to stop, but now I'm glad that I didn't end my life.
I am also working hard on controling my self-mutilation. It has been almost 6 months and 3 weeks since my last self-mutilation relapse. I had gone 9 1/2 months before without cutting, but then on December 3, 2002 I had cut because something happened a few days before that, that had triggered off my depression and had made things too hard for me to handle at that time.
Well, enough about me already. I know that it's a hard thing to conquer and I am still working on it myself, but I know that you can pull through this and that, if you can get the best available help, that is out there, then you may be able to pull through this.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you try to battle through this and everything else that is bothering you.
When I was 15 to 17 I regularly cut my wrists with razors as a way of letting out all my pent up upset and anger. I felt that there was no-one to talk to and I felt very scared and alone.
Last year (I'm at uni now) I finally had the breakdown (it was long overdue!!) and I was taken to a mental health hospital as an inpatient. I was put on prozac and took it extra-steady for a few months. The battle isn't over at all, but now I can see that things like cutting your wrists/eating disorders etc are really just an individual's way of coping and there is some deeprooted problem which you may or may not be aware of.
Don't keep things to yourself - you might find that talking to a counsellor replaces the need to cut yourself as you already can channel your feelings through another outlet.
Prozac in my opinion is a last resort but I am on a very low dosage and it helps my brain to deal with life!:)
At 20, I may still have a long way to go but I'm left with a lot of raised, white ugly scars on my arms and the cutting I did never really achieved anything. So bypass the breakdown and see a professional, if you can
It's not easy, but its a start, and you will have a lot of people to help you should you choose to tell people. You'd be suprised how many kind caring people are out there!:D
Love Kits xxx
I totally agree with you. I have been seeing counsellor for almost 2 years now and she is the best counsellor I had. I had 3 counsollors before the one that I am currently seeing and those 3 didn't help me at all. They only made me feel a lot worse about my mental illness, about life, about what I was doing to myself, etc., etc.
I had been hospitalized, in mental hospitals, 4 times between the ages of 17-18, but the last time that I was in a mental hospital, it had opened up my eyes to a lot of new and better things and I am glad that I am still alive today and that I do not do self-mutilation quite as often as I used. It has pretty well ceased, except for a few relapses here and there when I am having a very, very stressful, sad, depressing, and upsetting day, but it has been quite a while since I had done any self-mutilation to myself.
xxx
personally ive always found doing things like holding ice cubes in the crook of my elbow painful enough to be releasing, but it doesnt actually leave you any marks. candles, if youre careful, do a smiliar thing. but the simplest thing is to get down to your GP, and get it sorted out asap. theyll be helpful, and if theyre not give them a slap from me.