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un-medicated recovery possible?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
First let me apologize. I hate talking about this more than anything that I hate. I hate admitting to it and I hate having people know about it. Please don't think of me any differently, no matter what you think now. I just need to get this off my chest.
I've been pretty much depressed since I was 9. I have been on Prozac since then.
When I am on it, I seem happy and 'normal.' I enjoy the things that I always have, I am happy in social situations, in general, things are better.
I have talked to my psych and she says that a normal life is possible off the drugs but it would be a hard thing to accomplish. All the things that I have overcome would slowly start to leave and I would have to start over, trying harder to keep things sane.
But every now and then I start to think about my life on pills. I take them every day. Every day that I take one is a day that my life seems to be under somebody elses control. I usually don't think about it, but every now and then the thoughts come across. I take them in the morning and I feel that I am so helpless that I can't control my own life. I take them and I feel that I will never live a normally happy life because my happiness is fake and drug-induced.
I have taken myself off the medication 2 times before. Both times ended the same. I got sadder and angrier. I started cutting again. Things that I enjoyed I didn't anymore.
Of course, people would notice and I would eventually go back to the medicine.
But I've done it again. But this time I don't want to go back. I've only started to go bad. I just stopped taking them about 2 weeks ago, so really things aren't even what they will soon be like. Things in my life all seem horrible again. My school work has gone down, I don't even do it anymore. I go places that I usually love and I hate every minute of it. I hang out with my friends and I can't find the joy in that that I used to. I spend time alone and I can't even enjoy that either. I cut again. The things that I have loved, I can't stand doing them anymore. My motivation (which was nearly non-existant to begin with) is even less.
I know that my life is better when I am on the drugs, but this time is different. I don't want to go back. I can't really explain why, but I can't go back to being fake happy. I have tried so hard to acomplish things by myself but I just can't. I just don't know anymore.
This is probably just a confusing buch of sentences. It doesn't make much sense to me either. I don't know what I'm looking for either out of this. I just don't know anymore.
I've been pretty much depressed since I was 9. I have been on Prozac since then.
When I am on it, I seem happy and 'normal.' I enjoy the things that I always have, I am happy in social situations, in general, things are better.
I have talked to my psych and she says that a normal life is possible off the drugs but it would be a hard thing to accomplish. All the things that I have overcome would slowly start to leave and I would have to start over, trying harder to keep things sane.
But every now and then I start to think about my life on pills. I take them every day. Every day that I take one is a day that my life seems to be under somebody elses control. I usually don't think about it, but every now and then the thoughts come across. I take them in the morning and I feel that I am so helpless that I can't control my own life. I take them and I feel that I will never live a normally happy life because my happiness is fake and drug-induced.
I have taken myself off the medication 2 times before. Both times ended the same. I got sadder and angrier. I started cutting again. Things that I enjoyed I didn't anymore.
Of course, people would notice and I would eventually go back to the medicine.
But I've done it again. But this time I don't want to go back. I've only started to go bad. I just stopped taking them about 2 weeks ago, so really things aren't even what they will soon be like. Things in my life all seem horrible again. My school work has gone down, I don't even do it anymore. I go places that I usually love and I hate every minute of it. I hang out with my friends and I can't find the joy in that that I used to. I spend time alone and I can't even enjoy that either. I cut again. The things that I have loved, I can't stand doing them anymore. My motivation (which was nearly non-existant to begin with) is even less.
I know that my life is better when I am on the drugs, but this time is different. I don't want to go back. I can't really explain why, but I can't go back to being fake happy. I have tried so hard to acomplish things by myself but I just can't. I just don't know anymore.
This is probably just a confusing buch of sentences. It doesn't make much sense to me either. I don't know what I'm looking for either out of this. I just don't know anymore.
0
Comments
i've been depressed for as long as i can remember... it got worse when i was about 8 or 9 and since then i've been on and off medication.
with me they've tried everything. therapy, counselling, drugs (seroxat/cipramil/zispin/efexor/prozac/diazepam)....
nothing worked. some of the drugs would make me feel ok, but nothing really made me feel better.
2 years ago i made a choice to come off the drugs.
to be honest i would rather feel like myself and not be able to get out of bed than be ok but feel like a zombie.
off medication (and with a *hell* of a lot of trying) i have bad days. i do, but i also have good days. on medication i only have ok days...
it's a choice. and it's your choice. no one else can make it for you.
Susie
interesting article?