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Talking to Friends about Mental Health
almondbutter5
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hey everyone. First time posting here. What do you all think about telling friends about mental health? For me at least, I find it so uncomfortable, I've only told a few people, and even then that was a huge thing for me. The people I've told always came to me first saying they were anxious, and only then did I feel comfortable sharing that I am anxious too. I feel really uncomfortable opening up to people about my anxiety, I don't know why. I have this feeling that mental health is still very taboo. Maybe it's from my family, I don't know.
But then at the same time I feel incredibly lonely that no one sees my mental health difficulties, because I hide it so well. It's pretty crazy, when people ask me how I am, I just say I'm fine, because it's easier to say that than to overshare, and then NO ONE knows how I'm really feeling.
I am waiting to have counselling as talking it out is something I find really helpful but right now I have no one to talk to. My parents don't really understand about mental health. Every time I tell them I'm stressed, they just tell me off, saying I need to learn how to cope with stressful situations, or they try to give me productivity tips so I can be more productive at work. That's not always what I want, though. Most of the time I just want to TALK ABOUT IT.
My parents say I should reach out to my friends. But I am reluctant to just start randomly telling my friends because I don't want to start crying on them every time, and also, I don't want my friends to think I'm relying on them as my therapist. I don't want to be that friend who always comes with a new mental health problem and casts a cloud of depression over the café table. I really don't. Can I ask what you guys think about this?
Comments
Hello @almondbutter5 - first of welcome to the mix, its great to have you here with us.
As for your topic/questions - I think it's good to be able to talk to your friends about your mental health, but I completely see the challenges around it, whether it be the awkwardness of it all, how to bring up the conversations, and all the rest of it.
I think a lot of the time, the situational context can have massive impacts on how we go about the conversation. If we are in larger groups with quite a lot of people, it can often feel like the wrong time to bring the issue up, especially if it feels like all the attention is suddenly on us. For me personally, when I do open up to a friend about my feelings and mental health, it is often one of the friends I feel closest too, and know I won't get judgement from. The biggest barrier can often be the response we give to questions like "How have you been/How are you doing". It can often be default to just brush it off and say 'yeah I'm fine' but sometimes, as scary as it can be, it's okay to say "i've not been feeling too great actually".
Perhaps there is a particular friend who you feel closest too or one that you know would be most okay with having a more in depth conversation about feelings and emotions - they might be a good place to start. Even if you don't go into complete depth about every single challenge you face, being able to get some of the things off your chest can be a huge relief.
I know just how scary the situation can be, but sometimes the biggest challenge is making that first step, and hopefully afterwards everything else feels a little easier in terms of opening up.
You can also always come onto the boards here if you need to just let things out and off your chest, as here will always be a judgement free zone and there is always someone who will listen/read and try and reply.
Sending hugs
Sinead 😊
Hey @sinead276, thank you very much for your reply. Sorry it took me more than a month to say thank you. In the last month or so I've been okay, I did reach out to a friend, and that was nice, but I'm still working towards being more open in general 🙃
Hi @almondbutter5, thank you for sharing this with us, and welcome to the community. I can hear how you're wanting to talk about your mental health with someone, but that you're finding it difficult to do so.
Your feelings of isolation and discomfort with talking about this are valid - for various reasons, it's not uncommon for people to want to talk about their mental wellbeing, but not knowing who to go to, or how to start that conversation.
Echoing @sinead276's message above, it's good to have a think about the people in your life, and consider who you feel to be the most supportive and understanding person, who will listen to you and give you space to express yourself. How would you feel about having a think about this, and identifying one person you could speak to? It can be anyone - family and friends have been mentioned, but teachers are a good example of someone you could speak to as well. Start with one person, and over time, you'll find it less daunting to speak to others about it, but you can consider who in your life is more receptive to this kind of conversation and speak to them before those who you perceive to be less receptive (e.g. parents, who don't seem to understand it or provide helpful support based on what you have said).
It's good to hear that you're waiting for counselling - that's a useful place to not only talk about your emotions, but also work out how to have those conversations with others too. I hope you're not having to wait for too much longer. You deserve to be heard and supported.
The first step is the hardest - it's uncomfortable and it involves you being vulnerable. It takes courage to speak about your emotions. It's okay if you cry; it's okay if you're not sure how to word it; it's okay if it takes time. Your feelings are valid, and what you have to say does matter. At the same time, we're here to listen and support you, if you'd like to talk about your feelings.