Rough time figuring out if I should do something.

Animalloverb · March 8

I'm having a rough time, I am debating on whether to do something or not l, or well in my case try. I don't even know if I should talk about it here either.

Sabah · March 8

Hi @Animalloverb we're here for you if you'd like to share more about what you're having trouble deciding on, or what you feel is stopping you from sharing it here. Of course, only share what you feel comfortable doing, there's absolutely no pressure to do so.

Animalloverb · March 8

@Sabah

It's More because it is a side of my life I never really speak about to be honest

Sabah · March 8

@Animalloverb if you do feel comfortable sharing, we're more than happy to listen. I know conversation can't fix everything, but it can be a good step forward. And we're all here to support you in any way we can.

Animalloverb · March 8

@Sabah

I do appreciate it, it's difficult to be open about, I have spent a long time just ignoring this part of my life, and just getting on with everything.

I don't know how to bring myself to talk about it to be honest, it's like I feel like I want to but the words are stuck elsewhere.

Sabah · March 8

@Animalloverb that makes sense. After spending so long not wanting to think about it, it makes sense that it would be difficult to put into words. I'm wondering if it would help to start putting time aside to think about it? Perhaps express your feelings around it in other ways - creative writing, art, perhaps journaling where no one else will read it, judgement free, to start to figure out what the right words may be?

Animalloverb · March 8

@Sabah

I would rather not to be honest.

I wouldn't mind trying to talk about it here but my main issue is the way people may view it or react. It's probably just my overthinking thoughts talking right now.

Callum · March 9

@Animalloverb It makes sense you're worried about how people may view or react to what you're going through. We're all here for you non-judgmentally whenever you feel ready to share with us.

Animalloverb · March 9

@Callum

I have been thinking about maybe trying to get in contact with some of my family. I know it's a terrible idea but it's just been going through my mind lately.

Callum · March 10

@Animalloverb Getting in contact with some of your family sounds good so that you can get some extra support through this. I'm curious, how would you feel about contacting them? You said it's a terrible idea, what's the reason you feel that way I wonder?

No pressure to answer of course, only share what you're comfortable sharing, we're all here for you.

Animalloverb · March 10

@Callum

Without going into too much detail, basically my family have hated me and have wanted nothing to do with me pretty much since birth. I haven't spoken to them in the longest time because they want absolutely nothing to do with me at all and never have. I have lived away from all my family for a long time aswell, at starters I was living with someone else for a few years and then I moved out and have lived alone since.

So I haven't even seen my family in ages, I saw one family member a few years back to help them get to their sports club as they were unsure about bus times and stuff and that's pretty much it.

So it is a terrible idea to try and get in contact with them, I have no clue where they live or anything.

Callum · March 10

Hey @Animalloverb It must be so tough that you and your family haven't ggottent on since you were born, it sounds so distressing for things to be that way. I imagine it felt so isolating when living alone to not have your family around. You mentioned that you saw and helped a family member a few years back, how did it make you feel seeing them again?

I'm hearing you don't particularly want to contact them, which is completely understandable. I'm wondering what's led you to wanting to contact them again?

Animalloverb · March 10

@Callum

It wasn't the greatest, it felt hard as you know I haven't seen them for years, and non of them have ever spoken to me either. In all fairness this one didn't really know I was even part of the family, they thought I just knew them from someone else.

I am alone Callum, it's hard and I know a lot of people have a family and everything and I don't and never have. I thought maybe contacting them they may have changed but most likely they haven't. I don't even understand why they never wanted me and never liked me. I do feel greatful for the people who had an open home and took me in, but yeah I moved out of that place a couple years ago like maybe 2-3 years ago as they one of the people passed amd they no longer wanted me around so that's when I lived on my own for the first time a whole lot earlier then anyone else.

Azziman · March 11

Hey @Animalloverb, thank you for sharing with us. I can hear how it's difficult to deal with a family that doesn't like you or want you. I'm wondering, what do you look to achieve from contacting your family again? Is there something that you're looking for? We're here to listen to you.

Animalloverb · March 11

@Azziman

It was a mistake talking about this. I don't think I can keep this conversation up.

I just thought maybe they would offer to watch my son when I have appointments but I know they won't so I don't even know why I have been thinking about getting in contact with them. And I have no details to contact them by.

Callum · March 12

@Animalloverb That's okay, we know how difficult it must be to talk about this. It makes sense you'd hope for them to help out with caring for your son, but unfortunate that you don't have any contact details for them. It sounds like a part of you hopes they'd be there to support you, while another part of you feels like they won't and contacting them wouldn't help. It must be so tough being in two minds like this.

Animalloverb · March 13

@Callum

Yeah it's tough, I'm not going to try and get in contact with them as I have decided it will just cause more problems for me, and cause emotional distress which I don't really need right now.

It would of been good to have a family though as the people that I lived with have moved out of the country.

Sabah · March 13

@Animalloverb it is such a difficult position to be in. You absolutely deserve support, but at the same time, your mental health and wellbeing is a priority, and if keeping things no contact at the moment brings you more stability and peace then it makes sense to keep doing that. I know this was tough for you to open up and talk about, and you've said you're not sure if you can keep this conversation going, but we're here whenever/if ever you feel you want to talk about it again.

Rough time figuring out if I should do something.

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