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Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering Stuff Edition) w/c 02.02.26
Callum
Community Manager Posts: 95 Budding Regular
Hey Everyone! Here is this week's space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.
Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.
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im scared im gonna be arrested because my intrusive thoughts are telling me to do something illegal which is to redownload that illegal document. i know its wrong to do it but my intrusive thoughts are just being impulsive and theyre basically screaming at me to do it. so i dont know what to do.
Hey @toffuna101, thank you for bearing with me while I created this weeks triggering thread. It sounds like you're thinking of re-downloading the illegal document, it must be difficult to deal with those intrusive thoughts. You say you don't know what to do, is there anything else that you could read that's not related to this illegal document or the contents within it, but would help reduce those thoughts?
not really. nothing helps.
@toffuna101 it might be worth if you can, asking your ISP to block whichever sites you downloaded the illegal document from. That way, even if intrusive thoughts become overwhelming for you, you couldn't redownload the illegal document even if you tried to. It's also worth talking to CAMHS about this, because you deserve to have mental health support with those intrusive thoughts.
@Nathan That is a really good idea to block the sites that allow you to access the illegal document form, to be able to reduce your ability to act on those thoughts. It's also important that you bring this up with CAMHS too, if that's possible, to make sure you get the right support. How does that feel @toffuna101?
I can’t do this, I’m sat in the dark on the verge of tears whilst my partner is showering.
we just argued about why I have to tell my therapist that I’ve SH-d and that I can’t keep going off past experiences.
He raised his voice about how I’m not to sh in the house, or car and if I do it at my parents he will tell my parents that I’m doing it.
I feel like a child all over again and I even said that doing this will make me do it/find other ways to do it. That’s when the argument/disagreement happened really
@Lottie5433 It must be so tricky to be in this situation. I'm hearing that you feel overwhelmed, upset and frustrated at how your partner spoke to you about your self-harm, that's understandable. It's so unfair that you're being made to feel like a child in all of this, it makes sense you'd argue with him about that. You are not alone in this, we're all here to support you.
Just to reiterate, although you're very much aware, if you feel unsafe tonight then please contact Shout on 85258, Samaritans on 116 123 or NHS 111 for urgent support.
thanks, ill consider doing that.
that sounds good. the thing is i didnt access the illegal document from a website, it just redirects you to the pdf document.
btw i forgot to mention that police came over to my house today, they checked that i didnt download anything and said that if i did download the illegal document again they would seize my computer which isnt good.
these thoughts are just getting worse 😕
Hey @toffuna101 we really appreciate you keeping us updated, this must be a frightening time for you, not know what will happen next, the police coming to your home must have felt quite scary.
Do you feel confident that you won't access this or any other illegal document again? we're here to listen and not judge you.
idk honestly
That's okay to be unsure @toffuna101, you're doing a brilliant job sharing this with us. Is there any way that you could block your access to this document maybe, in a similar way to what Nathan mentioned above? I'm just thinking that might help to reduce your urges to access it again. No worries if you're not sure how to do that though.
i wish i could but i already redownloaded it. its so hard to not go back to it. i already reported the document to the government website but it didnt get taken down yet. so my only option is to block access to it somehow.
It makes sense that it's difficult to not go back to the document, especially when you're experiencing intrusive thoughts about it. I'm hearing that you feel uneasy downloading the document but there is something that keeps drawing you back to it. Does that sound about right @toffuna101?
yeah youre right @Callum i dont know whats wrong with me at this point.
broooo whyyyy
hopefully yall cant see my real name…
update: the police didnt come 💀
@toffuna101It makes sense that Childline contacted the police in order to make sure that you are safe, but it must be so frustrating they had to call the police. How do you feel about that I wonder?
You also mentioned that the police didn't come this morning, would you feel comfortable sharing more with us about whether they have come out to you this afternoon?
i felt confused and frustrated at that because they called the police. but they didnt come in the aftermoon either whilst i was at college so i dont know.
That's completely understandable @toffuna101 to feel confused and frustrated that they didn't come to you yesterday. When you say you were frustrated about the police not coming, is that something you were hoping might happen?
I'm also wondering how you are feeling today? And whether you managed to get some rest last night despite everything happening?
not really. i managed to get some rest last night dont worry.
well im screwed. im not sure if im allowed to talk about my situation since its linked to crime but im getting in some legal trouble.
@toffuna101 that really does sound scary, but the fact is, you have proof on here of your mental health struggles with whatever it is, you can point to boards prior to everything talking about how you was struggling with it and was seeking out help, and trying to do the right thing, and can show them your full mental health history and struggles now. Your not a bad person, not a criminal, your somebody who struggled with mental health and deserve a world of support, and any court and legal system should be able to see that. I know you can't talk in detail, but could CAMHS give a statement about this all to the police?
Hey @toffuna101, thank you for keeping us updated with this, it must be so scary to be potentially facing legal trouble. As @Nathan said, you're not a bad person and your mental health struggles deserve to be acknowledged.
We're all here for you through this. Would you be okay to contact 101 (or the email equivalent of 101) to seek some further advice about what you are able to discuss with us about this?
yes they could.
im not really allowed to call the police anymore as if i do my phone will get taken away by my mum and i wont be allowed to post on the mix at all.