My journey

Work can get a bit demotivating at the moment. Normally, my shift starts at 7:30 a.m., but on Sundays it starts at 9 a.m., which is easier than some early starts, yet I still struggle to get motivated for 2.5-hour shifts. It is not that I cannot handle them, I can, but getting started feels hard, and I sometimes worry other people would find it easy, like it is nothing. A few years ago, when I finished college, I was doing something that was not really working. I did not know what I wanted to do, I was facing setbacks, and I was just looking for work while going on programmes and courses that were not getting me anywhere. Maybe some of the courses might have been helpful, but they did not make money. I was then put on workshops, which I was getting fed up with, and then this job came up. I did have a few enquiries before but did not go further, and I had to get a bit more serious this time because I did not have to fully drop to my knees with this opportunity.

The job has a stigma that scares me. Most days of the week I would only get one day off, and it is a bit far, but I thought it was short shifts, and mornings are better because it gets it out of the way. I did not really want to do evening work if I could avoid it, since that would change my routine a lot, which is hard. This job was doable for me, and I remind myself it is a start, not the end. I still have my programme too, which, unlike others I have been on, is focused on getting people into work and applying myself every now and then, and hopefully it should be easier to get into something else now that I am doing something current. I think what I recognise now that I might not have then fully is that we have got to start somewhere. I still do not know what I fully want, but I have got to see how things go and keep trying. Back in 2022 and 2023, I was drinking every day, not really to cope but out of habit. Around that time, I had just started trying to think about changing things because what I was doing was not really working, so I was reflecting on stuff from summer to autumn 2023, maybe winter, and gradually reduced drinking as things slowly started to change. I did have a training course meant to be a new career for me, but unfortunately it went wrong, and after that I started looking for any job just to start somewhere. Even after making changes, reducing drinking, trying a new career, and maturing, it was still a very long, tough journey with setbacks and challenges, and it remained difficult. Only recently have I just got a job, which I had previously avoided, but it is a start, and I am doing okay. I also think what is important is change, because things sometimes need to improve for the better; otherwise being stuck in one place can be tough on our mental health and wellbeing.

Everyone is different, but I think that is what it was before. I was stuck out of work, trying, and not getting anywhere. Things at home are overwhelming, and this job is still new, so I am still getting used to it. I just think the circumstances are a bit harder at home at the moment. Overall, I think I have been too harsh on myself like i compare myself to ther people thinking this is nothing compared to them or think Ive done nothing or both and I get negative still but I need to be kinder. I am still fearful and not really where I want to be, but I have a job, I could save a lot more than what I was getting before, and hopefully things are going up. I think it is a decent start to 2026. Im not fully sorted but things have significantly got better, Im just harsh on myself sometimes , I can get to where I want to be.