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Update!
Jack25
Posts: 100 The Mix Convert
Hello I think it's been a little while since I posted on boards! I've been thinking a lot about everything I've lost, like grieving for myself? I really strongly miss the drive and passion I had for school and really wanting to succeed at what I enjoyed, I found everything and anything so interesting and loved learning, I miss it and just being myself. I'm scared I will be in this state forever. That desire to learn is such an integral part of me and I really want it back. I was intending to go back to school in January to resit after the mess of MH issues in 2025 but that's out the window now, I wonder what lies ahead now, I will be starting my UCAS application next week as well, not applying to the universities I originally wanted to go to, which will sting a bit😓. I just really miss who I am, like I've suddenly lost my desire to chase dreams and passions, my personality has been taken away.
I'm starting therapy next week privately too, unfortunately the waiting list for psychological support from my CMHT is longer than 6 months, and the backlog of assessments is so long they've stopped all further referrals, and no psychologist is employed which would most likely take "at least 6 months" to get someone employed. So basically the waiting time could be over a year... I can't wait that long. I'm seeing my care coordinator once a fortnight, sometimes weekly, he's a lot better than others I have spoken to, and I'm thankful for the safeguarding referrals that got made etc. to get me someone who won't shout at me or dismiss me, and try to work together to find solutions to things. My CCO wants me to go to this MH support group, it works like Alcoholics Anonymous but for depression & suicidal ideation, it's the last thing I want to do honestly, I wouldn't want to share and it's quite heavy to sit through for 2 hours, I'm also 18 and there's no one there my age, they are all in their late 30s and above. The sit in a circle type style also feels very clinical to me, and I really hate this clinical feeling. It also feels stigmatising, I just want to act normally, not sit in a group talking about things like this for 2 hours, I want to go out and do something "normal".
I would talk a bit about seeing CRHT a couple months(?) ago and stuff that has gone on then and now but it really makes me feel off and triggers me badly so I will leave that behind and save it for therapy. I've been taking photos of things on my walks now too! I saw there was a photography page in creative corner but I wasn't sure if I should share there.
I'm trying to just forget about negative things so this post has all come out quite light which is nice for a change! I'm hoping 2026 goes well for everyone! 🙂 thank you if you read all this!
I'm starting therapy next week privately too, unfortunately the waiting list for psychological support from my CMHT is longer than 6 months, and the backlog of assessments is so long they've stopped all further referrals, and no psychologist is employed which would most likely take "at least 6 months" to get someone employed. So basically the waiting time could be over a year... I can't wait that long. I'm seeing my care coordinator once a fortnight, sometimes weekly, he's a lot better than others I have spoken to, and I'm thankful for the safeguarding referrals that got made etc. to get me someone who won't shout at me or dismiss me, and try to work together to find solutions to things. My CCO wants me to go to this MH support group, it works like Alcoholics Anonymous but for depression & suicidal ideation, it's the last thing I want to do honestly, I wouldn't want to share and it's quite heavy to sit through for 2 hours, I'm also 18 and there's no one there my age, they are all in their late 30s and above. The sit in a circle type style also feels very clinical to me, and I really hate this clinical feeling. It also feels stigmatising, I just want to act normally, not sit in a group talking about things like this for 2 hours, I want to go out and do something "normal".
I would talk a bit about seeing CRHT a couple months(?) ago and stuff that has gone on then and now but it really makes me feel off and triggers me badly so I will leave that behind and save it for therapy. I've been taking photos of things on my walks now too! I saw there was a photography page in creative corner but I wasn't sure if I should share there.
I'm trying to just forget about negative things so this post has all come out quite light which is nice for a change! I'm hoping 2026 goes well for everyone! 🙂 thank you if you read all this!
5
Comments
Best of luck with your UCAS applications - even if you don't go to the universities you first wanted to go, there's lots of great universities that will give you a great opportunity to learn and explore your interests!
I can hear how there's some challenges with support - it makes sense that you've gone privately for therapy given the long wait times. It's good that you're able to seek support from a care coordinator who has been helpful for you. I hear how you're not keen on the support group idea though - out of interest, is this something you've tried before and had a bad experience of?
You deserve to be supported and feel listened to, and I hope the support you do get is helpful. We're here to support you through this!