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Just don't want to be here anymore
Invisible_me
Posts: 579 Incredible Poster
I jist cant do this anymore. Dont want to be here anymore.. ive fighter for as long as I can, trying to take 1 day as it comes but it just feels pointless! Everything feels so hard!
Im scared everything's going to fall apart and I really dont want it to.
Im scared everything's going to fall apart and I really dont want it to.
8
Comments
Ive put some services below if you need
https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
https://www.google.com/search?q=samaritans&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sca_esv=56cc1d46b226e482&source=android-home&sxsrf=AE3TifNCigGoaf5mu5U_Vg5f4uVR9WmMTQ:1764341540609&source=hp&ei=JLcpadaHI_yHhbIPk7HbsQU&oq=sam&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocBoCGAMiA3NhbSoCCAAyGRAjGIAEGNIDGKYDGCcY-AUYqAMYigUYiwMyDRAAGNIDGAMYqAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBBAuGAMyEBAuGAMYqAMYmgMYiwMYmwMyBxAAGAMYiwNI4hVQpAlYrA1wAXgAkAEAmAGrAaAB7AKqAQMyLjG4AQHIAQD4AQGYAgSgAqUEqAItwgINECMYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICExAuGIAEGMcBGCcYigUY6gIYrwHCAgcQIxgnGOoCwgIQECMY8AUYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICEBAAGAMYtAIY6gIYjwHYAQHCAhAQLhgDGLQCGOoCGI8B2AEBwgIQEC4YgAQY0QMYxwEYJxiKBcICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgQQABgDwgIWECMYgAQYpgMYJxj4BRioAxiKBRiLA5gDQfEF-334u7-hLiS6BgQIARgKkgcDMS4zoAe2H7IHAzAuM7gH4wPCBwczLTEuMS4yyAe1AQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp
Opens at 5pm till 12am
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself safe at the moment? The staff team will be reaching out to you via DM to check in further.
I wonder if there might have been something that's triggered the fear that everything could fall apart? Or perhaps it has been more of a general feeling?
We're here for you @Invisible_me , and thank you so much for your trust in sharing this.
Thanks @Redemption . Im safe. I managed to keep myself, guess I had to!
Hi @Sian321
Thank you for message.
Everything just feels too hard, like things aren't going to get easier and I jyst feeling like I haven't got the strength to so this.... tge thought of trying to get through December, Christmas is hard! All the change, sensory overload!, work was goung well and now all of a sudden it feels like ive failed probation and im in the brink of losing it sunless Har decide to offer me further extension ( i so hopr so!).. the thoygh of losing it is terrifying as much anxiety it caused!!
My mum wasnt too good either, , dad os battling with long illnesses although well at moment so....
Im trying hard and hace kept myself safe..I've got no plans hust all feels so dark!
It sounds like you're carrying a lot right now and you're doing so well to share this with us rather than sitting with all of this on your own. What you've described here (the pressure at work, worrying about your parents' health, the heaviness that comes with December and all the sensory and emotional overwhelm), is a huge amount for one person to hold. Feeling this way doesn't mean you have failed. We can see you've been trying so hard to keep going for such a long time, despite these really tough circumstances.
It's also totally okay and valid that this time of year feels like a tricky time for you, and you're not alone in that. December can be a hard month for many people. especially when routine changes, expectations may rise and everything can feel so much louder and intense around Christmas. Sometimes taking things one small step at a time rather than thinking about the whole month ahead can help it feel a little more manageable. How does that sound? I also wonder if there's anything you've done in the past that has helped you get through this month?
I'm hearing that you're waiting to hear back from HR about whether they will offer your a further extension for your probation, and being in that waiting period thinking you have failed your probation sounds quite distressing. I can imagine that it might make your mind jump to the worst-case scenario, but I think the fact they might be considering a further extension shows that they see your effort. Do you know when you should hear back from HR?
You also mentioned that your mum isn't too good and your dad has been battling with long illnesses. That's a lot to worry about on top of everything else, especially as they're people you genuinely care about and love. It really does make sense that you might be feeling really stretched at the moment. Caring about people your love can take a huge emotional toll, and it's really important you're able to look after your own wellbeing as you go through this.
I hear you're trying really hard and you have kept yourself safe with no plans at the moment, but everything is feeling really dark right now. Feeling this low can be quite scary in itself, but you don't have to face this alone. You've taken a really strong step reaching out to our Community and we'll continue to listen and be there for you.
We just wanted to let you know that if you did feel at any point that you were unsafe going to act on thoughts of suicide, then we would urge you to call the emergency services on 999, or go to your local A&E department to explain your intentions to them, so that they can support you.
Thank you for reply...
Im trying to to just take it 1 step at a time but you cant. I can't. I just want to hide. Everything feels like iys going so quick and all at once..it all feels too much to think about how to get through it and if I will. I know i will i always do but its a struggle always.
Umm..what helps me before just taking it slowly. Having as much routine as possible but this feels nearly impossible with the work situation at the moment!
Its hard. All I'm constantly thinking about it work- will they extend it further, (its already been extended once now seeing if extend 2nd time under the circumstances I have autism and just had occupational health). Im hoping they do, i made such progress, it was getting better going in - yes with a few challenges but I still want to carry on. I dobt know when I'll hear. I think possibly this week im presuming but I haven't been given a time frame.
Even if they do, its worry of, do work think I'm capable? Will it get the support to enable me to carry on? Will there be negative energy's?
Before this, i haf a meeting with service manager who express she felt i was too anxious to be in work and i haven't met required standards so to think about if I want to carry on and I said that im always anxious but I want to carry on yes and feel progress has been made.
Thank you... ill make a note of those services...
Hi @Azziman
Thank you for reply.. its so hard... its all just biting me inside... crying! Im trying...but feels lije only so much you can try when the world seekx to be setting you back fighting against you.
Routine would be helpful... ive not had any update from work. No ones got back to me! I havr no clue if thats it, they're getting rid of me or theyrr goung to extend my probation. Ive got no further shifts booked. My mamager has bern getting lot better at trying to support me and felt like somewhere he had belief in me. I spoke to him last thurs, all he can do is speak to his manager, HR and its upto them. I can't do anything now at moment other than wait and jusy sincerely hope they get back to me soon. I so want to stay... losing the job will just add another stress upset onto an already hard December.
Is there anything you can do in the meantime that might help you to take your mind of this for a while? Perhaps a book you're reading, a hobby you enjoy doing etc? I hope that you get some good news and get to keep your role. Let us know how you're getting on, we're here to listen to you.
Its come as a bit of a shock I wasn't expecting it. The concerns weren't raised to me to that extent till that meeting and I thought I'll pass probation from conversations ibe had with my manager thrn now its like "we can't pass you", questioning my resilience when ive had several good shifts the move was difficult but ive even just settling into it but now i haven't even got further shifts booked until an outcome has been decided by HR.so that causes worry as longer gap then causes higher anxiety.
Its been over a week since they received my occ health referal and still not heard
Really they should extend it because it my autism and its not like ive not made progress ive made lots and my managers backed me on that, its his manager.
The wait is killing me.
Im trying to cope by distracting myself doing some diamond art but its hard to concentrate on it. Kinda feel down emptty. Im trying to like keep at it with my other work but thats only for a further week then break up fly Christmas, this job that I'm wanting extension runs all the way through, weekends, is a nice role, varied yes sometimes high pressured and hace had a few issues with some staff
So hr said probation cant be extended, phoned HR myself they said as the policy allowance has been given vut if i feel mitigating circumstances then to raise this during meeting that is held. I asked whether occ health has been taken into consideration, if they received report, if my individual needs circumstances were considered and all the service manager replied with is she cant answer all the questions by email vut can discuss it during my formal probation meeting. I asked if it means ny contract will be terminated she said no decisions have been made yet.
Then I logged into my work emails and ive received a formal letter stating the probation period ending, it was extended for occ health and tgis has since been implemented (well no icc health referal was made October, report was received 2 weeks ago and my probation was extended August). These are your performance concerns and as dismissal is a likely outcome, you may bring trade union with you. .no concerns on my performance has been made to ne otger than those relating to my autism. I dont know whether thats the same bog standard letter they send to all and I'm reading to much into it m
Thibg is yes ive not met requirements snd theyve said this but my autism has prevented this, adjustments have been inconsisten, which ive raised informally and I need more time as I'm sessional so ibe only done 40 shifts over 1 year which equates to about 8 weeks of shifts for a full time person. Sessional staff and full time staff ha e same probation period duration how is thst fair??
If they do dismiss me I it'll be my autism.
Meeting today afternoon.....all ive had us dismissal could be a likely outcome .
Ive done nothing wrong though all I need is extra time. If I'm not capable why say well done... it feels horrible!
I hope Meeting goes well 🙏
I so wish my manager was around! Service manager didn't even give a proper reason, like she said ive made progress etc ans my sessions are good but policy means they cant extend my probabtion further...
She also said you have autism and i.cant be sure you'll carry on making progress and have.more good days then bad days. What the hell! Please..I so hope someone knoklcks sense into me!
My reasonable adjustments, she said they're not reasonable/practical - well you should have had a seperate convo with me.then.
I am appealing as dont feel its fair.
I hate this..
Life feels so.unvearable at yhe moment especially with Christmas nearing ans its supposed to. Be happy time.amd it just so.isnt! I have no. Clue how. Ill. Get throigh these.couple days
@Invisible_me I'm so sorry they've done that. It absolutely isn't fair at all. They haven't given any just reason, and the failure to adjust for autism and making that statement about autism sounds like it might violate the equality act, as autism is a protected characteristic. So 100% appeal. Do you have any help with your appeal, because i can try and find some support lines who might be able to help you with it.
Also, about making it through these next few days, i completely understand how tough that will be. I'm here if you want to talk about things, because you shouldn't have to face this alone.
This seems like a potential resource to start off with if you need any guidence with your job, I'm sure you have lot's of questions and it can sometimes feel daunting knowing how to take the next steps if you think there was any wrong-doing or you want to appeal - https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/if-you-are-being-managed-out-of-your-job
Let us know if this helps and please reach out for support, we are here to listen.
Thanks for reply...
It so soes feel like against equality act and disability discrimination, i will appeal! Its not right theyve used that as an excuse for my performance .however my managerxsaid my performance has improved and made so much progress! But his off.... he said i was c in track to pass then all of a sudden he back tracked saying i cabt pass you i reckon that's not him but his manager whose told him you cabt pass her, his off as well since then making me wonder whether his off because he doesn't agree with it so went off or the company hace told him to go off because he was fighting a corner for me...but ive been terminated ..😭😪 ive jad the letter and notes come through. The notes aren't minutes its bullet points and the letter, theres 3 new areas of underperformanc which weren't even brought up at all.
I will appeal- sorry.
@Nathan , @Verity ohh yeah please any helpline organisations or place that offers advocacy support with this will help! I have 5 days from today to submit appeal.
Thanks for scope link I'll check it!
so there's a few support and advocacy services i've found.
1) Citizens advice can give a lot of advice around this, as they deal with employment related things and terminations all the time. They can be contacted here: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
2) There's a specialised support service for helping people who face disability discrimination, called the Equality Advisory Support Service who can be found here: https://www.equalityadvisoryservice.com/
3) There's also acas who can give advice surrounding work terminations too, who can be contacted here: https://www.acas.org.uk/advice
4) Another group who can possibly help with advice and support, and pointing you in the right direction on things is the national autistic society, who can be contacted here: https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us
These should be able to help you with this, and help advocate for you, and can help with next steps. You don't have to face this sort of thing alone, and i'm here if you want to chat about things, cause i know it must be extremely difficult for you right now, and the pressure of the 5 day deadline must be really hard too.