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Just don't want to be here anymore
Invisible_me
Posts: 572 Incredible Poster
I jist cant do this anymore. Dont want to be here anymore.. ive fighter for as long as I can, trying to take 1 day as it comes but it just feels pointless! Everything feels so hard!
Im scared everything's going to fall apart and I really dont want it to.
Im scared everything's going to fall apart and I really dont want it to.
7
Comments
Ive put some services below if you need
https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
https://www.google.com/search?q=samaritans&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&sca_esv=56cc1d46b226e482&source=android-home&sxsrf=AE3TifNCigGoaf5mu5U_Vg5f4uVR9WmMTQ:1764341540609&source=hp&ei=JLcpadaHI_yHhbIPk7HbsQU&oq=sam&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocBoCGAMiA3NhbSoCCAAyGRAjGIAEGNIDGKYDGCcY-AUYqAMYigUYiwMyDRAAGNIDGAMYqAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBxAAGAMYiwMyBBAuGAMyEBAuGAMYqAMYmgMYiwMYmwMyBxAAGAMYiwNI4hVQpAlYrA1wAXgAkAEAmAGrAaAB7AKqAQMyLjG4AQHIAQD4AQGYAgSgAqUEqAItwgINECMYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICExAuGIAEGMcBGCcYigUY6gIYrwHCAgcQIxgnGOoCwgIQECMY8AUYgAQYJxiKBRjqAsICEBAAGAMYtAIY6gIYjwHYAQHCAhAQLhgDGLQCGOoCGI8B2AEBwgIQEC4YgAQY0QMYxwEYJxiKBcICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgQQABgDwgIWECMYgAQYpgMYJxj4BRioAxiKBRiLA5gDQfEF-334u7-hLiS6BgQIARgKkgcDMS4zoAe2H7IHAzAuM7gH4wPCBwczLTEuMS4yyAe1AQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp
Opens at 5pm till 12am
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself safe at the moment? The staff team will be reaching out to you via DM to check in further.
I wonder if there might have been something that's triggered the fear that everything could fall apart? Or perhaps it has been more of a general feeling?
We're here for you @Invisible_me , and thank you so much for your trust in sharing this.
Thanks @Redemption . Im safe. I managed to keep myself, guess I had to!
Hi @Sian321
Thank you for message.
Everything just feels too hard, like things aren't going to get easier and I jyst feeling like I haven't got the strength to so this.... tge thought of trying to get through December, Christmas is hard! All the change, sensory overload!, work was goung well and now all of a sudden it feels like ive failed probation and im in the brink of losing it sunless Har decide to offer me further extension ( i so hopr so!).. the thoygh of losing it is terrifying as much anxiety it caused!!
My mum wasnt too good either, , dad os battling with long illnesses although well at moment so....
Im trying hard and hace kept myself safe..I've got no plans hust all feels so dark!
It sounds like you're carrying a lot right now and you're doing so well to share this with us rather than sitting with all of this on your own. What you've described here (the pressure at work, worrying about your parents' health, the heaviness that comes with December and all the sensory and emotional overwhelm), is a huge amount for one person to hold. Feeling this way doesn't mean you have failed. We can see you've been trying so hard to keep going for such a long time, despite these really tough circumstances.
It's also totally okay and valid that this time of year feels like a tricky time for you, and you're not alone in that. December can be a hard month for many people. especially when routine changes, expectations may rise and everything can feel so much louder and intense around Christmas. Sometimes taking things one small step at a time rather than thinking about the whole month ahead can help it feel a little more manageable. How does that sound? I also wonder if there's anything you've done in the past that has helped you get through this month?
I'm hearing that you're waiting to hear back from HR about whether they will offer your a further extension for your probation, and being in that waiting period thinking you have failed your probation sounds quite distressing. I can imagine that it might make your mind jump to the worst-case scenario, but I think the fact they might be considering a further extension shows that they see your effort. Do you know when you should hear back from HR?
You also mentioned that your mum isn't too good and your dad has been battling with long illnesses. That's a lot to worry about on top of everything else, especially as they're people you genuinely care about and love. It really does make sense that you might be feeling really stretched at the moment. Caring about people your love can take a huge emotional toll, and it's really important you're able to look after your own wellbeing as you go through this.
I hear you're trying really hard and you have kept yourself safe with no plans at the moment, but everything is feeling really dark right now. Feeling this low can be quite scary in itself, but you don't have to face this alone. You've taken a really strong step reaching out to our Community and we'll continue to listen and be there for you.
We just wanted to let you know that if you did feel at any point that you were unsafe going to act on thoughts of suicide, then we would urge you to call the emergency services on 999, or go to your local A&E department to explain your intentions to them, so that they can support you.
Thank you for reply...
Im trying to to just take it 1 step at a time but you cant. I can't. I just want to hide. Everything feels like iys going so quick and all at once..it all feels too much to think about how to get through it and if I will. I know i will i always do but its a struggle always.
Umm..what helps me before just taking it slowly. Having as much routine as possible but this feels nearly impossible with the work situation at the moment!
Its hard. All I'm constantly thinking about it work- will they extend it further, (its already been extended once now seeing if extend 2nd time under the circumstances I have autism and just had occupational health). Im hoping they do, i made such progress, it was getting better going in - yes with a few challenges but I still want to carry on. I dobt know when I'll hear. I think possibly this week im presuming but I haven't been given a time frame.
Even if they do, its worry of, do work think I'm capable? Will it get the support to enable me to carry on? Will there be negative energy's?
Before this, i haf a meeting with service manager who express she felt i was too anxious to be in work and i haven't met required standards so to think about if I want to carry on and I said that im always anxious but I want to carry on yes and feel progress has been made.
Thank you... ill make a note of those services...
Hi @Azziman
Thank you for reply.. its so hard... its all just biting me inside... crying! Im trying...but feels lije only so much you can try when the world seekx to be setting you back fighting against you.
Routine would be helpful... ive not had any update from work. No ones got back to me! I havr no clue if thats it, they're getting rid of me or theyrr goung to extend my probation. Ive got no further shifts booked. My mamager has bern getting lot better at trying to support me and felt like somewhere he had belief in me. I spoke to him last thurs, all he can do is speak to his manager, HR and its upto them. I can't do anything now at moment other than wait and jusy sincerely hope they get back to me soon. I so want to stay... losing the job will just add another stress upset onto an already hard December.