If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. For Crisis Support (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Please help us out!
We have our annual survey out, asking a few questions about you, your needs and preferences, and the impact of our services. It should take around 5-8 minutes and by completing it, you will be entered for a chance to win a £200 Love2Shop voucher (in line with our privacy policy)
Click here to fill out our survey.
We have our annual survey out, asking a few questions about you, your needs and preferences, and the impact of our services. It should take around 5-8 minutes and by completing it, you will be entered for a chance to win a £200 Love2Shop voucher (in line with our privacy policy)
Click here to fill out our survey.
hate myself by nf (vent, TW: mentions of suicide)
toffuna101
Posts: 4,133 Community Veteran
I don't see you like I should
---
When I see someone struggling, I want to help. When my old friend was constantly venting at me I wanted to do something to make his situation better.
---
You look so misunderstood
---
He looked so distraught.
---
And I wish I could help
---
If only if I could cheer him up.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
But deep down I hated myself too.
---
Pray to God with my arms open
---
Sometimes I pray to a supernatural being, likely God, about my predicament.
---
If this is it then I feel hopeless
---
If this is what my life turned out to be then I feel no joy in life anymore and that I should just give up. But I know I can't give up because if I do everyone will wonder what happened to me and my loved ones will be distraught. So I'm essentially living for other people and not myself.
---
And I wish I could help
---
I truly wished that I could've helped my old friend that day. He vented to me too much to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and the safeguarding deputy lead at my old school told me to block him so I did. At that point he pushed everyone away.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
The next day at school I saw him at the reception with his parents and didn't know what to say. He refused to make eye contact with me so it was just an awkward silence before I left laughing out of pure pain and nervousness because laughing is a coping mechanism for me. To this day I still hate myself for blocking him even though I kind of had to do preserve my own mental health. And deep down I hated myself on that day, and that in turn partially was the reason my psychosis started; friendship issues.
---
(im safe, sorry if this doesnt really count as a creative writing piece, its just that i really resonate with these lyrics through my own experiences of being a teenager, and if youve read this far thank you).
---
When I see someone struggling, I want to help. When my old friend was constantly venting at me I wanted to do something to make his situation better.
---
You look so misunderstood
---
He looked so distraught.
---
And I wish I could help
---
If only if I could cheer him up.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
But deep down I hated myself too.
---
Pray to God with my arms open
---
Sometimes I pray to a supernatural being, likely God, about my predicament.
---
If this is it then I feel hopeless
---
If this is what my life turned out to be then I feel no joy in life anymore and that I should just give up. But I know I can't give up because if I do everyone will wonder what happened to me and my loved ones will be distraught. So I'm essentially living for other people and not myself.
---
And I wish I could help
---
I truly wished that I could've helped my old friend that day. He vented to me too much to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and the safeguarding deputy lead at my old school told me to block him so I did. At that point he pushed everyone away.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
The next day at school I saw him at the reception with his parents and didn't know what to say. He refused to make eye contact with me so it was just an awkward silence before I left laughing out of pure pain and nervousness because laughing is a coping mechanism for me. To this day I still hate myself for blocking him even though I kind of had to do preserve my own mental health. And deep down I hated myself on that day, and that in turn partially was the reason my psychosis started; friendship issues.
---
(im safe, sorry if this doesnt really count as a creative writing piece, its just that i really resonate with these lyrics through my own experiences of being a teenager, and if youve read this far thank you).
2
Comments
thank you
Am I right in thinking they're lyrics from a song, or maybe parts of this are autobiographical for you?
It sounds like such a conflicting and difficult dilemma that you describe here - trying your very best to preserve your mental health, whilst deep down, coping with a lot of self-hatred and self-blame maybe for having to set that boundary with that friend. That sounds extremely tough, and I wonder what that self-hatred tends to sound like? What might it say to you and how does it speak?
We're here with you to listen.
it is autobiographical yes. self-hatred is when you basically hate yourself a lot, and i still hate myself for blocking him to this day. it says to me "youre worthless, youre not worth it" in a harsh and cold tone.