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hate myself by nf (vent, TW: mentions of suicide)
toffuna101
Posts: 3,593 Community Veteran
I don't see you like I should
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When I see someone struggling, I want to help. When my old friend was constantly venting at me I wanted to do something to make his situation better.
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You look so misunderstood
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He looked so distraught.
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And I wish I could help
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If only if I could cheer him up.
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But it's hard when I hate myself
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But deep down I hated myself too.
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Pray to God with my arms open
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Sometimes I pray to a supernatural being, likely God, about my predicament.
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If this is it then I feel hopeless
---
If this is what my life turned out to be then I feel no joy in life anymore and that I should just give up. But I know I can't give up because if I do everyone will wonder what happened to me and my loved ones will be distraught. So I'm essentially living for other people and not myself.
---
And I wish I could help
---
I truly wished that I could've helped my old friend that day. He vented to me too much to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and the safeguarding deputy lead at my old school told me to block him so I did. At that point he pushed everyone away.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
The next day at school I saw him at the reception with his parents and didn't know what to say. He refused to make eye contact with me so it was just an awkward silence before I left laughing out of pure pain and nervousness because laughing is a coping mechanism for me. To this day I still hate myself for blocking him even though I kind of had to do preserve my own mental health. And deep down I hated myself on that day, and that in turn partially was the reason my psychosis started; friendship issues.
---
(im safe, sorry if this doesnt really count as a creative writing piece, its just that i really resonate with these lyrics through my own experiences of being a teenager, and if youve read this far thank you).
---
When I see someone struggling, I want to help. When my old friend was constantly venting at me I wanted to do something to make his situation better.
---
You look so misunderstood
---
He looked so distraught.
---
And I wish I could help
---
If only if I could cheer him up.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
But deep down I hated myself too.
---
Pray to God with my arms open
---
Sometimes I pray to a supernatural being, likely God, about my predicament.
---
If this is it then I feel hopeless
---
If this is what my life turned out to be then I feel no joy in life anymore and that I should just give up. But I know I can't give up because if I do everyone will wonder what happened to me and my loved ones will be distraught. So I'm essentially living for other people and not myself.
---
And I wish I could help
---
I truly wished that I could've helped my old friend that day. He vented to me too much to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and the safeguarding deputy lead at my old school told me to block him so I did. At that point he pushed everyone away.
---
But it's hard when I hate myself
---
The next day at school I saw him at the reception with his parents and didn't know what to say. He refused to make eye contact with me so it was just an awkward silence before I left laughing out of pure pain and nervousness because laughing is a coping mechanism for me. To this day I still hate myself for blocking him even though I kind of had to do preserve my own mental health. And deep down I hated myself on that day, and that in turn partially was the reason my psychosis started; friendship issues.
---
(im safe, sorry if this doesnt really count as a creative writing piece, its just that i really resonate with these lyrics through my own experiences of being a teenager, and if youve read this far thank you).
1