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Everything really
@Nathan its just this job searching things its really getting to me and everything gone on recently bro
@so_very_tired @Nathan thank you, both of you it helps to have someone listen even if my worries and anxieties are stupid. I guess after having so many friendships go south and have people blame you and leave or ghost you it gets a bit exhausting it didnt use to be this bad I feel like it got worse after the whole ordeal with my maths teacher. I literally remember my best friend was like oh did you hear what happened and when I said no she refused to tell me because she knew how distraught I would be and how much I trusted him which now in hindsight was stupid. And I remember when I first spoke to him I hated his guts and now I do again so its been full circle. I remeber we were at a pub with our friends and I got the text from one of my friends I didnt rly talk to her and it was a photo of a Facebook post form the police department saying they arrested my maths teacher and at the time I kept telling myself it wasnt him it was just someone with the same name and everything just went all fuzzy and my head started spinning and I was holding back tears and I showed my parents the photo and they were like oh cus like we were all shocked no one expected him to be a pedo it was pretty "traumatic" (ik it doesnt count as trauma dont attack me on that its just the best way i can describe it) and when his classroom used to be the only safe space in school now its just tainted like I dread going in that room and I had lessons in their for physics 1 every fortnight and I like had to have my friend walk me to the class room and then shed leave and ive noticed after that im always on alert like even if someone's intention is pure my brain always flags it and I have to remind myself that its just a compliment. This one time is still stuck in my head my school does this thing called culture day where we all dress up from our cultures and one culture day i had like my hair and makeup and everything done bc I wanted to feel pretty anyway and my maths teacher saw me walking down the corridor and said hi I turned around to say hi back and he just went oh like oh its you or oh your wearing make up idk but it just didnt sit right with me I also have a post I think in last weeks forum abt another incident idk why I keep talking abt this its stupid and im mad at myself for thinking about it. Also idk why I added the screenshot maybe it might help make everything less sharp idk. Im sorry for this post and rambling on I just dont know where else I can talk about this
Edit: i know this is stupid and people have lives and not everyone has time to respond but I kinda feel like im being ignored like my rational brain knows that people are just busy or havebt seen my post or dont know what to say but I cant shake the feeling that everyone is mad at me and im being ignored.
You're not alone.
Is there anyone in your life you can reach out to right now?
Resources in case you need them:
SAMARITANS - 116123
i’m sorry no one has replied to your post yet but i just want to say that whatever you’re going through is valid @Cutelivejazz and you matter a lot ! i’m sorry that i’m not in the headspace right now because of a situation to be able to support others currently but i hope you’re ok
thankyou. im needing to go out today but im feeling rly shit abt myself so im just sat inside and just sobbing.
hugs ( if ok!) i hope you can get there on time.
I will probably get there mostly on time. Worse comes to the worst, I'll be a few minutes late.
What happened in your nightmare?
@Cutelivejazz it's okay. I can tell it's extremely difficult for you. Please correct me if i'm misinterpreting anything or am flat out wrong about things.
So first of all, It's entirely normal with anxiety. I think it's sometimes called catastrophic thinking, when a person fears the worst case scenario over all sorts of things, such as worrying about being ignored, and overthinking. It's sort of like a fear spiral, where your mind instantly jumps to the worst case scenario. Anxiety isn't simply something that you can just overcome. I know this won't make a difference, but if ever i did have an issue, i would state "this is my issue", not leave you wondering or fearing if there's an issue or not.
So let me say this, your worries and anxieties are not stupid at all. They have a huge impact on you, so they are major issues that are 100% just as valid as everybody else's. It would be like me pointing to some war torn country and saying they have it worse than me, so my fears and anxieties don't matter. It simply doesn't work that way. Fears and anxieties that impact you will always matter.
And the trend of people constantly leaving and ghosting sounds awful, and i can only imagine how hard it must be to see people on here leaving too, but i want to once again make clear that you aren't the reason anybody leaves. The maths teacher left cause he was a dodgy person. The "friends" left because they weren't good friends in the first place (if they were real friends, at the very least they'd explain why), and I'm leaving because of the platform. But none of it is down to you, or is any fault of yours. It's the same way how the system failed me at every single stage. And at a certain point, i started to blame myself for it, as i seemed to be the common denominator, but here's the important thing that took me a while to realise. It isn't down to me, just like people leaving and ghosting you is not down to you. It's entirely down to systemic failures, and people being flawed. It's understandable that it got more and more exhausting over time, as bit by bit, each person ghosting and leaving adds up, and whilst there isn't much i can say to ease that pain, I want you to know none of it is down to you.
And finding out in such a way must have been an enormous blow. It 100% is traumatic, nobody else get's to decide what get's classed as traumatic to you, only you do. Trauma is subjective. it's about how it makes you feel, how it impacted you, and how it effected your sense of safety and effects you afterwards. It's clear it had a huge impact on you, and effects you to this day, so i think it's 100% okay to class it as trauma. Hypervigilance, anxiety, all of these worsened for you since the maths teacher, and that is by some definitions, textbook trauma.
And talking here is not stupid. It's brave, so well done for opening up.
@eylah sorry I haven't replied sooner. I really hope things start to feel better for you my favourite twat in the world
I'm here if you want to talk, you don't have to be alone through it.
@Cutelivejazz you are not a burden at all, and you are every bit as deserving of support as everybody else is. You aren't selfish for reaching out for support, and you aren't causing a scene. What you are doing is reaching out for help, whilst battling anxieties and fears, and that takes enormous strength, so well done.
A quick side point that i think is relevant here, I actually originally made these venting threads, both of which got turned into these weekly threads which are now a fixture here, and the whole point of them was to be there for people to be able to reach out for support on, vent about their issues and get support for them. Don't apologise for using these threads they way they were always intended to be used for. This is just as much your space to vent as everybody else's. It's not a case of 1 at a time.
@so_very_tired missing the bus sucks, but as long as you aren't a huge amount late, and it's not a common occurrence, it shouldn't be too bad. Bus's get delayed or missed all the time sadly.
@Redemption sorry to hear that bro. We're here if you want to talk a bit more about it all. Nightmares can be scary, and also emotionally painful depending on what it was about.
@mai i just saw your other post on the other thread and i'm gonna reply in a quick moment. I just wanted to say that it's okay to not be in the right headspace to offer support. There's no requirement for you to do so. This is a place where you can come along and get support for yourself. You don't have to earn it, or provide support to get some support yourself, you are entitled to it, so please don't apologise for not being in the right headspace.
don’t worry @Cutelivejazz you didn’t make me feel like i had to do anything, you’re not being selfish and how you feel makes sense, you don’t have anything to apologise to me for !
i got back with my ex who broke up with me and im just fed up of everything. i can’t be bothered. everything is to much for my head.
It was about having another setback, basically another setback happened in it
I thought it was something related to that. All I can really say is that I hope today goes well for you especially that interview that I believe you have today.