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Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 13.10.25
Leyla
Community Manager Posts: 404 Rank not found
This is a space to chat or vent about whatever might be on your mind right now, nothing is too big or small!
Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's triggering stuff edition thread, click here.
Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's triggering stuff edition thread, click here.
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You know what, i'm starting a petition to the mix now to get special medals for you now.
I know this isn't the same, but i grew up in a constant state of hypervigilance and paranoia myself, looking for any sign of a meltdown from my mentally disabled brother and aggressive attack against my mum, as they could kick off out of nowhere. A sudden loud noise, and i'm ready to act. That kind of hypervigilance, since i was 11. So from personal experience, i just wanted to try and offer what advice i can around hypervigilance. Sorry if this sounds useless or anything.
1. It does get exhausting. Physically, staying awake so long, not having routine sleep, it can really take a toll. Over the next 6 months, as you say, it's important to think long term over that time. So, perhaps not tonight, or for the next few days, but when things get truly exhausting for everybody, and from my experience of hypervigilance, it will, it might be worth having a talk about taking turns on watch, so everybody can sleep properly at some point.
2. Mentally, it will be exhausting. The first few months of hypervigilance are going to be the hardest, until it settles as routine if that makes sense, which is where it becomes easier somewhat. Especially mentally it becomes exhausting, so it's important to routinely check in with others, such as your family, and just vent about things, talk about things, and also see how they are, and just check up on one another from time to time.
3. You will need a break. This is an absolute must. Breaks are non negotiable. Nobody can do this 24/7 in hypervigilance, without a heavy mental toll. This is where i went wrong, and i don't want you to go through the same mental toll. So breaks are a must.
So with those points out of the way (sorry for the ramble), I also want to say that i fully agree with you that they would be stupid to come back. the whole street knows and has your back from what you've mentioned, the area will be crawling with more camera's than fort knox thanks to everyone in the area knowing and now being on alert, and the police will probably have you on a priority response list, and will possibly be patrolling the area. it would take mr bean levels of stupidity for anybody to come back, but mentally, it's hard to convince yourself they won't and they'll be that shadow of doubt over it. But you are right, they would be stupid to come back.
And it's fully understandable for it to feel like a violation. Your home is your sanctuary, where you are supposed to be safe. And for those bastards to have made it feel unsafe is beyond evil. You've got every right to feel angry, scared, worried, hypervigilant. All of it. However you do feel. This shouldn't have happened to any of you. And i just also wanted to say that i'm incredibly proud of how you've opened up here. It takes a lot of bravery to open up, so well done.
Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. I'm here to talk for however long you want to (just be careful cause you're 12 posts of 10,000).
I really appreciate it my guy. It still hurts even after its said like in bed at night it was getting to me.
It is exhausting already. And it’s had knock on effects because we accidentally left the dinner out all night and then my mum and sister ate it, so both of them haven’t been well. I think subconsciously i knew it’d been left out so I didn’t even want to touch it, so luckily I’ve avoided that. It was just a complete oversight and they ate it bc it was there.
Daytimes are easier. And the window company we have used before were so shocked and sad for us that they moved their diary around to get someone out to us very quickly for a quote for new glass. Always support local businesses because they will support you in your hardest times.
They would be stupid to come back so soon, but we believe it might have been a case of mistaken identity. Scary shit is, what if they don’t realise they got it so wrong and come back in weeks and months to come? We’ve ordered cameras and those lights that detect movement. It’s money we don’t really have. But they can’t come quick enough tbh.
@eylah you're really missed here too. Thanks for checking in my favourite twat in the world
@Cutelivejazz is it the workload, or is it the social side that's why you don't want to go in, if you don't mind me asking?
@Cutelivejazz you know, this probably might sound wrong, so sorry in advance.
Sometimes, it's extremely difficult to be able to articulate how you feel and figure out what's wrong. It's virtually impossible at times to describe it, and even harder sometimes to be able to even name it and understand it. Sometimes, there doesn't even need to be a reason.
And whatever it is, it can make it hard to focus, it can make it hard to concentrate, and can be incredibly draining. What i will say is that nothing can change the past (except quantum physics), and that is what today's study period now is, the past. The most important thing is the future, eg tomorrow.
About feeling overloaded mentally, i get it. And i wish i had some advice to offer you, but other than seeking a GP or mental health practitioner, i have no advice to give on that front.
And I really do get that as well, about wanting comfort and to not be so alone. I've not had a hug for years now myself. And i spoke a bit about my life story in support chat earlier, so i really do understand what it's like to not have anybody. I literally only made my first ever friends on here 6 months back when i joined, and never had any in person friends ever. So i'm perhaps the best qualified person in the loneliness category to understand what it's like and empathise.
And i actually wasn't going to say that about relationships. I'm no relationship expert at all, and if it came down to who has more emotional intelligence, me or a brick wall, the brick wall would beat me by a fair margin. It's okay to want to have somebody who you can confide in so you don't have to carry all the struggle alone, and to be able to see daily. All of that is normal to want. And being jealous and wanting the same closeness others have, is again normal and human. It's also completely normal to want somebody to take care of you for once, when you've been struggling alone for so long. None of this is wrong to want, and it's okay to want somebody in person.
And about nobody coming up to you on world mental health day, that really does sound crushing. It's not wrong to want somebody to come and see how you are, it's just a sad reality that sometimes, nobody does. It's not a reflection on you, but of the world we live in.
Sorry if this sounds like a ramble or doesn't make sense.
@Redemption hey bro, as Jazz say's, those are some good techniques to try. If you want to vent a bit about what thoughts your being overwhelmed with, and what you're overthinking over, we're here bro.
Thanks so much jazz
@DonnerKebab Thanks bro, its just a couple of things that happened in the past, I don’t think I can talk about it too much but I mentioned it a bit on the daytime chat. I feel so ashamed of myself sometimes too.
But now it’s dark again and I promise I won’t have this rant every night but I can’t stop just listening. I’m constantly listening. And worried about all sorts including things I should be looking forward to.
And yeah, that friend you mentioned doesn't exactly sound the most supportive friend at all. When your confiding about stuff that is deeply affecting you personally, a real friend shouldn't shut that down as being too negative or saying you're too depressed. A real friend ought to be there, and be supportive and listen to you. It's a shame, because you are a real friend to them, listening to them rant and ramble.
And a sudden change in friendship's can often take people by suprise, especially really sudden ones. If you were both okay with it for years, and then all of a sudden, overnight it's changed, it's okay for it to feel suprising and make your skin crawl, and make you feel that way. However it makes you feel, it is valid.
And about the PE kit. You are talking to health anxiety expert number 1. I went through a time when i couldn't so much as open my mouth on public transport cause of other peoples germs, washed my hands till they bled a few times, and poured fairy liquid into my eye, cause i touched my eye with the same hand i used to press the traffic light moments before. I've lived with severe health anxiety for a long time. I'm not sure if it is health anxiety what you've got, but wearing what other people wore making your skin crawl does sound familiar to me from my own experience. Please correct me if i'm wrong about it being health anxiety though. I'm biased about instantly assuming it's that, but i've got advice based on my own experience with it if it is.
Also, hat's off to the PE teacher. At least you've got one teacher who is able to be understanding rather than just barking pointless rules at you for the sake of it.
@Redemption i fully understand that, but I just wanted to say, from what i've seen, if it is what i think it is, sorry if it's the wrong thing i'm thinking off, but you've got nothing to be ashamed off. Be proud of how far you've come, and how much of a welcome part of the community you are bro.
@independent_ you can rant every single day, heck, every single hour, and you'll always have a reply from me. This is your space to vent and talk, and i'm immensely happy that you are able to here. Please don't ever feel like you can't. This is your space too.
I'm incredibly proud of you Independent, because not only are you getting through this as difficult as it is, you're making an active difference and helping your family to get through it too. That is incredible. That change for the better in your mum, lifting her spirits up, is largely because of you. You really are an amazing person supporting others through this, please let them support you too through it.
And hypervigilance is normal in the days and weeks that follow this sort of stuff. Being on alert, being on lookout and constantly listening is draining, but it's also a valid thing to feel and be doing given the situation. Once camera's arrive, i really hope it eases the hypervigilance, and progress is made in sorting the whole situation out. You really shouldn't have to live like this.
I think part of my brain has shut down. The part that knows logically they’re feeling the same and I can talk to them. I don’t want to mention worries I’m having that might not have crossed their minds. I’ve had anxiety since I was 8 and if there’s something to worry about, I will.
It’s also actually getting harder to talk about it. I just want to forget all about it for 5 minutes 😢
@DonnerKebab im not too sure fully if its right if we're thinking of the same thing, we might be but I always appreciate your kind words. It sounds super sensitive but I overthink to the point I feel like crying over if a bit, its just like here has been so important to me so if I do something wrong here it hurts more.
thanks @independent_ , i promise i am looking after myself too
I fully get your brain shutting down. Logical thinking, it does tend to get overwhelmed sometimes by how we feel and by our anxieties and fears. And I apologise if this isn't correct and i'm off key here, but perhaps the fear of burdening them at a difficult time also can be overwhelming? And i just wanted to say, if that's the case, that you do still deserve to be supported in the same way you're supporting them. Family isn't burden, it's about being able to lean on one another even during the hard times.
Take things at your own pace, and talk to them if you ever feel comfortable doing so, and just know, they are there. I respect your choice whatever it is. And it's completely normal finding it harder and harder to talk about it. Thinking about it constantly, being hypervigilant for so long over it, it will wear you down and leave you feeling depleted over it all. wanting to forget about it is 100% the norm. If you're able to, try and allow yourself time to do something that helps you to relax. I know this is probably useless advice, but you really deserve a break, even a short few minutes, however it is you can.
Also, could i just suggest a helpline specialised at helping in these sorts of cases. This one is for Scotland. They can offer some practical support for you too for you, going through this: https://victimsupport.scot/
I think part of the problem is this is the third bad thing to me specifically, and the millionth to happen to people or things I know. It was already shit. Now it’s more shit.
@Redemption it's okay to be sensitive to things. We aren't robots with zero emotions. We're human, and things getting us emotional is also human. Don't be pressured by society to feel like you can't be human and can't feel things that strongly effect you. Nothing wrong with being sensative.
Overthinking is difficult, and it can really wear people down, so it's no surprise it brings you to the point of wanting to cry. It's a constant thing until it leaves you emotionally drained and depleted. And it's something that you deserve support with. I know you've finished counselling, but is it worth perhaps looking at NHS talking therapies who can offer things like CBT for those sorts of thought patterns that leads to overthinking?
And like was said in chat earlier, and in the previous post, even if we aren't thinking of the same thing, you have come a long way, and are well loved by the community. That is a fact. Everybody makes mistakes and does stuff wrong. Heck, I've been here for less than 6 months, and I've been given several warnings here and there myself. It's human to make mistakes, to get things wrong at times and not be perfect. I fully get that given how much this place means to you, and that doing something wrong here will hurt more, but you have to give yourself some credit that it is mistakes and everybody makes them. Be kind to yourself over it bro.
Edited to say that my post count is very much still on my radar, 7 posts to go 🤣 hence editing this one to say this instead of just posting again bc I want it to be a nice post and not a not nice post
@independent_ it really is unfair that you, your family, and the people you know are suffering as much as you are. None of you deserve any of it. It's bad thing after bad thing, and over time, that wears people down, and builds up emotionally. About victim support, yes they do help the worst kind of crimes, but it says on there website that they help people affected by all types of crime. And they have people trained who can help with the emotional side of things, and also offer practical sorts of support. It's worth a try if you ever feel comfortable talking to them. Again, no pressure, but they are there for you. And also, we're here for you on here too, as friends and to offer what support we can, always.
@independent_ i'll trade you England's 24/7 services, for Scotland's free prescriptions and tuition fees 😂. But seriously, it is unfair that you don't have any 24/7 services open for you. Sadly, the mix discussion boards will just have to do until morning 😭.
And smart thinking about editing posts rather than posting new. Make sure that 10,000th post is special.