What is wrong with my life, like do I really deserve pain.

Comments

• Animalloverb Posts: 349 The Mix Regular

  September 7

  This week alone I have already been to two funerals, and now there is going to be a third one coming up this month. It’s just horrific, and honestly it has left me feeling pretty emotional. On top of that, there is also someone else (not my fiancé) who is in the hospital right now. I don’t really want to go into details about who, but they’re in critical condition and are being transferred to another hospital. That has been really hard, because I just can’t be in two hospitals at once, and of course I have got other things going on in life too right now.
  
  Another thing on my mind is with the animal-included therapy I offer to young people. I have got someone who is going to be leaving soon due to age. I usually allow young people with SEND to stay longer, but this particular person isn’t SEND, so unfortunately is is their time to move on. Whenever someone leaves, I always get them a gift or ticket to something that they personally enjoy and that would benefit them, so things like passes to aquariums or zoos, event tickets, music or art equipment, and so on. It is something I fund myself because I run the service for free, and I have always made sure everyone who leaves gets that gesture.
  
  But right now I have got a bit of a dilemma. I really want to give this young person the same experience, but since I have been out of work for a short while after being fired from both jobs, money has been tight. The good news is I have got a new job that i will be starting next week, well actually tomorrow, which I am really happy about, but I don’t know if I will be able to afford their gift in time. I am thinking I might explain to them at their next session that I will still get them what they have chosen, but it may just mean posting it or hand-delivering it later. I am not sure how they will take that, and I feel awful because they really do deserve the same as everyone else. So I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure out how to make it happen in time, even though everything else in my life feels pretty overwhelming right now.
  
  I am sorry for ranting on here yet again.
  
  There are still loads of things going on, but I Don't necessarily want to share that at the moment, it's not that I Don't want to, it's more that I Don't feel able to as I am not feeling comfortable enough or in a right enough place to say right now.

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• Blue_lily Posts: 42 The answer to life, the universe, and everything

  September 10 edited September 10

  Hi @Animalloverb
  
  Giving those gifts to those who move on from the animal therapy you offer is such a lovely gesture and something so admirable for you to do. But it is also completely understandable for you to consider your financial situation as you fund this gift yourself.
  
  You seem like such a caring individual but it is also important to care for yourself and therefore it seems like a very smart option to delay giving the gift. You can still give them the gift once you have settled into your new job. Maybe you could reframe the situation - if someone gave you a gift and it happened to be slightly delayed but they explained why, would this delay impact how you viewed the gift?
  
  I hear how you say you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself in order for everything to work out in perfect timing and that things feel pretty overwhelming at the moment. Being able to acknowledge and recognise this is great. It offers you the opportunity to slow down in order to respect your own needs and maybe this does involve delaying giving you're client their gift and that is ok.
  
  Maybe you could try writing down everything you have achieved recently it might help you realise how much you're actually doing and succeeding in, like getting that new job, well done by the way.
  
  
  
  Good luck with your new job.

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