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Sorry everyone- life.
Animalloverb
Posts: 44 Boards Initiate
Hey everyone.
I just wanted to say I do really apologise for not being to great on the afternoon support chat today, and for leaving and not talking about anything.
Things have just been really hard lately, I have had a few difficult conversations with family members recently that have left me feeling incredibly awful.
I have only just found out that I actually have an official diagnosis of PTSD and nobody has ever thought to tell me that I have that as a diagnosis.
Lately my life just hasn't been great and it has gotten me so overwhelmed to the point where talking just felt incredibly pointless.
I have been trying my absolute hardest just like how I try to do all the time.
Some or you may know that recently my mobility hasn't been the best and I have been spending a lot of time working on relearning to walk which has only just recently been starting to come back. I am able to walk short distances now but it feels like it drains away my energy.
I have a suspected ear infection developing again which sucks as I am supposed to be having surgery soon and that can't be done if I have an infection.
I don't even know how to explain anything at this point as I have been so messed up. I feel like a whole different person due to how things have been lately and I absolutely hate that.
I have ASD, I am very much different to other people, my brain works differently, I process things differently and a lot of people just don't seem to understand that.
I am very capable of doing things but some things do seem harder to me then they should be.
I literally have a stuffed animal collection, and yes at my age, and I already have people who question me on it but they just make me feels safe and grounded so I don't personally see the problem.
Also my epilepsy was out of control for a while and so I had investigations and get the results in October.
All I am wanting to do is help and spread awareness on mental health and things but people aren't to supportive of my goals.
But yeah that's just a basic outline on how things have been recently.
I just wanted to say I do really apologise for not being to great on the afternoon support chat today, and for leaving and not talking about anything.
Things have just been really hard lately, I have had a few difficult conversations with family members recently that have left me feeling incredibly awful.
I have only just found out that I actually have an official diagnosis of PTSD and nobody has ever thought to tell me that I have that as a diagnosis.
Lately my life just hasn't been great and it has gotten me so overwhelmed to the point where talking just felt incredibly pointless.
I have been trying my absolute hardest just like how I try to do all the time.
Some or you may know that recently my mobility hasn't been the best and I have been spending a lot of time working on relearning to walk which has only just recently been starting to come back. I am able to walk short distances now but it feels like it drains away my energy.
I have a suspected ear infection developing again which sucks as I am supposed to be having surgery soon and that can't be done if I have an infection.
I don't even know how to explain anything at this point as I have been so messed up. I feel like a whole different person due to how things have been lately and I absolutely hate that.
I have ASD, I am very much different to other people, my brain works differently, I process things differently and a lot of people just don't seem to understand that.
I am very capable of doing things but some things do seem harder to me then they should be.
I literally have a stuffed animal collection, and yes at my age, and I already have people who question me on it but they just make me feels safe and grounded so I don't personally see the problem.
Also my epilepsy was out of control for a while and so I had investigations and get the results in October.
All I am wanting to do is help and spread awareness on mental health and things but people aren't to supportive of my goals.
But yeah that's just a basic outline on how things have been recently.
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Comments
It makes so much sense that talking in the Chat yesterday felt like too much, especially when you’ve had to deal with hard conversations lately, adjusting to the sudden news of your PTSD diagnosis, physical challenges, and are just feeling overwhelmed in general. Your presence in our Chat spaces is so, so welcome regardless of how you're feeling and whether or not you feel able to talk. We're so glad that you did feel able to come along, and to post here too. I wonder, what’s it like for you in those moments where talking doesn't feel possible? Is it a numb kind of feeling, or more like everything feels too loud or too far away?
You mentioned feeling like a whole different person lately too, and just how much you hate that. That really stood out to me. If you feel comfortable sharing, what's that shift been like for you? What does it feel like inside when you say you feel like someone else?
It sounds like you’ve been trying so hard on every single level to support yourself and keep going day-to-day. That takes immense energy. And I can imagine it feels extremely draining when it feels like some people still don't understand, or there's that sense that things feel harder than they 'should' be (with the 'should' maybe indicating some self-judgement there?). That can be such a lonely and frustrating space to be in, especially when you’re just trying to be yourself and get through. It sounds really positive that having your stuffed animals helps you to feel grounded and safe, and I can imagine it feels exhausting sometimes feeling like you have to explain your way of being and thinking to other people.
You're welcome here exactly as you are, @Animalloverb . As one of my favorite poets Walt Whitman says, "I exist as I am, that is enough". And that's true for you too.
With lots of care
When talking doesn't feel possible, at those moments I feel really overwhelmed and everything kind of feels super loud and takes over my brain to the point where I start shutting down.
When I say I feel like somebody else, I mean like the actual version of me seems invisible. Like for example I used to do so much, I used to always go for walks and go on my own little adventures but when my health started to get worse I had to stop and that took my mental health with it as I miss out on all the fun things I used to spend my time doing.
I have been working hard to achieve my dreams that I have for my future. Basically I want to spread awareness on mental health, and disabilities.
But now I feel like a total failure and that I will never achieve my dreams, because of everything. And my dreams is the only thing I really want to do in my life.
I apologise for ranting to you.