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Graphic TW// self harm & Suicide

RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,743 The Mix Elder
edited July 19 in Health & Wellbeing
So I’m in hospital after this morning a friend called an ambulance on me (with my permission) as I have attempted to end my life as I needed my brain to just stfu for once

I needed to get out of the house so I went to the park around the corner from me where they couldn’t find me at first which what 3 words helped and then they kept driving past me so in the end the NW ambulance team phoned me to ask where I was they eventually found me
Whilst I was waiting I self harmed quite badly as I was punishing myself for what I’d done so when the ambulance stopped I was in quite a mess 🥲 so we chatted in the ambulance for a bit and they patched me up with bandages and they were really lovely,
the male paramedic Joe gave me a few options on what to do and I said I didn’t feel safe going home so they took me to hospital

I’ve had a blood test and ECG and now waiting for a doctor 🥲
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
Post edited by Sian321 at

Comments

  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,104 Boards Champion
    Hi @River ,

    Firstly, I just wanted to say on behalf of The Mix how deeply relieved we are that you're still here and that you're getting the help and care you deserve. It takes so much courage to keep going when things feel unbearable, and we’re so grateful you’re safe right now. You matter so much, and you’re not alone in this. Take all the time you need.

    There’s no rush and no expectations. Your Community are here for you now just as we have been before. Nothing changes even if it feels like everything's changed.

    We’re so glad you’re here.

    How has the afternoon been at the hospital? Has the doctor come yet?
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,743 The Mix Elder
    Thank you so much @Sian321

    My mum still making comments and shit but oh well, I feel more poorly but I’m still waiting

    Found out that my doctors are going to be having a multidisciplinary about me which I’m scared for
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,743 The Mix Elder
    Been examined by the doctor and now he’s checking my bloods and then if I’m cleared he will get the crisis team
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 463 Listening Ear
    Hi @River we are here for you and thinking of you.

    Can I just say it ws incredibly brave if you to be accepting of the help, make yoursef known to the ambulance crew and then talk to them about how unsafe you felt. Glad you had a good experience with them.

    How's things at hospital? You mentioned mum making comments. Can you say this to hospital staff they might be able support mum in being supportive towards you.
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,719 Boards Guru
    Sending big hugs if that’s ok, thoughts if not. <3

    Like invisible_me said, well done for talking to the ambulance people because that must’ve been hard.

    Are you still taking the fluoxetine? It might be worth bringing that up to the doctors. I feel like they should have that information at their fingertips anyway but I’m not sure.

    Stay safe <3
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,104 Boards Champion
    @River , we're all here for you. You're doing so well to talk about this. How did it go meeting with the crisis team?
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,743 The Mix Elder
    Hey @Sian321

    The crisis team was really nice actually, he did multiple assessments and then tried to claim I have an ED which I’m not going through that again, it’s literally just that I struggle sensory wise with food because of my autism.

    He told me to not be negative 💀

    We did a safety plan and then he called my mum into the room and I thought he was gonna tell her everything but he kept it confidential

    Somethings have been locked up in the house 🥲 so now I can’t self harm or anything 😔

    I’m back home now as he didn’t think I was at risk so looks like just going to have to live with these thoughts forever

    Overall it was okay but don’t have much support until this stupid MDT meeting on the 5th August
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • AzzimanAzziman Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 2,322 Boards Champion
    Hey @River, it's brave of you to share your experience. We're here with you through this. I'm glad to hear that the crisis team were kind, though I can hear that the experience with claims of having an ED was difficult. Sorry to hear that you don't feel like you have support until the MDT meeting in a couple of weeks time. Please do let us know how you're getting on, we're here to support you through this difficult time!
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