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80th birthday

RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,515 The Mix Elder
in Health & Wellbeing
It’s supposed to be my grandma’s 80th birthday on Saturday and I just genuinely can’t deal with that, as much as I hate family gatherings and birthdays she should still be here 😭 I miss her so much 🥺 this world is so fucking cruel why did it have to take away the only person to love and care about me. Fuck I really need her here 😭 it’s not fair it’s not fucking fair. My heart still hurts every fucking day because of it. I hate this I hate greif 💔 I’ll never be ready to say goodbye I’ll still sit at her grave for hours and sob 💔😭

On her birthday family are meeting up to go to her grave but I don’t want to, they spend 5 mins there and then leave, I’d rather sit there for hours. I miss her so much 💔
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 2,302 Boards Champion
    Hi @River, thank you for sharing how you feel with us. I can hear how you're really missing your grandma, and how the pain of losing her is taking a toll on you. Your feelings are valid - losing our loved ones hurts a lot, and it's sometimes in the little things that we're reminded of them unexpectedly. It's thoughtful for your family to go to her grave and pay their respects. If you wanted to spend more time there, how would you feel about asking to stay a little longer there? It's a really lovely idea, and would give you the space to remember someone you loved a lot. We're here to listen to you and support you through this!
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  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,515 The Mix Elder
    @Azziman cant, my family make me uncomfortable and would put pressure on me, that’s why I go alone
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 2,470 Boards Champion
    hey @River 🙂

    i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. you don’t deserve to carry this kind of pain alone. grief like that, deep, aching, every-day kind of grief, is one of the hardest things to live with, especially when the person you lost was the one who made you feel truly loved and safe.

    your grandma should still be here, it isn’t fair, and it’s ok to say that out loud and feel angry and heartbroken about it. you’re not being dramatic, you’re grieving someone who meant everything to you, someone who loved you in a way that the world can’t just replace.

    it’s ok if you don’t want to be around your family on her birthday. if sitting with her at her grave for hours feels right to you, then do that. that connection you had with her, that love, is yours. you don’t have to share your grief or make it fit into anyone else’s version of “moving on” - how you manage your grief is valid. you’re allowed to mourn in your own time, your own way.

    please don’t ever feel like you have to be “ready” to say goodbye. some people we never truly say goodbye and that’s ok. you loved her deeply, and that love doesn’t just disappear. it still exists in your heart, even in the pain.

    if you want to talk more about her or what she meant to you, we would love to listen! <3
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