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[TW//]I think I’m just done trying.

Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
edited April 18 in Health & Wellbeing
Deleted please ignore me !
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  • LeylaLeyla Community Manager Posts: 106 The Mix Convert
    Hi Lottie,

    I know you've deleted the content of this post and asked for us to ignore it, but we wanted to acknowledge that we see that maybe you had something on your mind, and perhaps a part of you wanted to reach out, but there was some inner conflict which led you to delete it. We 100% respect your boundaries of what you wish to share, but if you did wish to talk further on this thread, then we and the rest of The Mix Community are one hundred percent here for you!
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
    I did have something on my mind @Leyla , but i just couldn't keep it up.
    The inner voice told me to take it down, but i physically coildnt take it down so I deleted the content so no one could see what i said.
    No I dont need anyone I can just be ignored, tking up too much space
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 996 Part of The Mix Family
    Just want to acknowlegde how hard that conflict with that inner voice is, Lottie. And there's no pressure at all from our side. You belong here within Community just as much as every other member. And even if you went to delete the post afterwards, the fact that you initially reached out and posted it feels significant. Sending lots of care
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
    @Sian321 Tbh I deleted it coz most likely it would have raised some concern and I can't be dealing with anymore of that this week
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
    This is what i initally posted but got paranoid/scared of what would be said so got rid of it. But I'm going to put it in a spoiler coz it might trigger some people and I dont really want that.
    Reaching out for mental health support has become more exhausting than helpful. I’ve tried the helplines. The professionals. The appointments. The meds. The “non-judgmental” chats. And yet… I feel more unheard, more frustrated, and more hollow than ever.

    How am I supposed to keep trying when I get told, “We aren’t the service for you,” or “Call us back if you feel unsafe”? What’s the point in reaching out when it feels like I’m just repeating myself to people who either can’t or won’t help in a way that actually reaches me?

    I lie to the people who say they care because the truth feels like too much—for me and for them. I’m tired of putting in the effort only to be met with empty reassurances and protocols that feel more like red tape than real care.

    So I think I’m done. Done reaching out. Done trying to be “helped.” Done showing the broken parts. I’ll cancel the appointments. Stop the meds. Pull the mask back on and fake my way through life again, no matter how exhausting that act is.

    I don’t want to be a burden. I just want the noise to stop
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
    Ive actually given up with reaching out to helplines now.
    Just going to cut everyone out clearly im an inconvenience and not worth anyones time.

    Why do I even reach out at this point if I get the same response each and everytime. No judgemental services dont even care anymore, crisis text dont care and just abandoned chat after a short time. So is there any point anymore
  • roku767roku767 Posts: 3 Newbie
    If helplines or crisis services haven’t been helpful, it might be worth looking into other options. Some services offer more personalized support or different ways of reaching out, like local face-to-face support groups, peer support networks, or even online forums with a smaller, more consistent group of people.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 996 Part of The Mix Family
    edited April 19
    Hi @Lottie5433 , firstly, thank you so much for sharing what you have through the Spolier. I recognise that you were really hesitant to share that, and it might have taken a lot of courage to do so.
    Within that message, you have raised so many valid and powerful points. What really sticks with me is that sense of being met again and again and again by people saying, 'This isn't the place for you,' 'Call us back when you're unsafe', and how 'care' simply feels like 'red tape' - people following empty protocol in a non-relational way. Something about that feels really empty. Clinical and cold? And that sounds extreamly dissapointing at a time when you're trying to come to someone with your humanity and vulnerability and to dare to let them in. I really hear it when you say that it feels like the care doesn't actually reach you. It doesn't feel like true and genuine contact in the ways you're needing. That is so valid, and thank you for taking the leap in sharing this with us.

    What I'm hearing you say is that you're wanting support that feels far more relational than transactional - would that be fair to say? Support with someone who is really taking that time to get to know you, to be curious about your experience, and to listen rather than telling you?

    I know you've mentioned certain Nurses in the past who have been kind and taken more time to properly meet with you. Would that be fair to say? I wonder too whether your upcoming assessment could help unlock this also - some more 1:1 support that feels longer term and more relational, giving you time to really build a connection gradually and at a pace that feels safe?

    Just want to say that I hear you, Lottie, everything you've shared is so valid, and I hear just how exhausting it has been to continuously reach out without feeling fully 'met'.
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 320 The Mix Regular
    Lottie5433 wrote: »
    Ive actually given up with reaching out to helplines now.
    Just going to cut everyone out clearly im an inconvenience and not worth anyones time.

    Why do I even reach out at this point if I get the same response each and everytime. No judgemental services dont even care anymore, crisis text dont care and just abandoned chat after a short time. So is there any point anymore

    Hey @Lottie5433,

    I really do hear you and literally I can completely understand wgere you are coming from. People say they are there for you, want to support you etc but then wheb you tell them, reach out to them they just turn you away, turn away from you to quickly or just "flip" their behaviour! But somewhere ,@Lottie5433 there will be someone who does care and help you and that's what you need to find and hold onto.

    Helplines like ahout aren't working for you, fine, don't use them then, there'd other services you can use. Personally, I find Payprus/hopelineuk more helpful and quicker at responding than shout (I've had emails back within in an hour.) Shout took 6hrs. Can you try them? Childline are also there 24/7 if your under 19, over 19 there's samaritans.
    I know your saying you'll shut away and it's exhausting reaching out for support but your doing well in reaching out- you wrnt to thsyt nurse appt and you didby want to you've got mh team apot coming so try that as well. Its not fair we hsve to struggle so much to get support but at same time continuing like the way you are with your struggles is also tiring, exhausting and literally not sustainable that while the ride is difficult it's worth fighting through these struggles and engaging with any support.
  • Lottie5433Lottie5433 Posts: 732 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi @Sian321
    I was really resistant in posting it, i don't think it took too much courage to do this because in all honesty I was too 'with it' when I decided to do it
    i had a lapse in judgement and was not really with sound mind and did not choose a healthy way to cope or deal with anything 😔 oops
    What really sticks with me is that sense of being met again and again and again by people saying, 'This isn't the place for you,' 'Call us back when you're unsafe', and how 'care' simply feels like 'red tape' - people following empty protocol in a non-relational way. Something about that feels really empty. Clinical and cold?
    Yeah it does seem like that or that they just couldn't careless or give a crap about anything, all they want to do it end the conversation. It gets to it where I can anticipate the conversation just by the words they use and I just end up say "I'm fine, I'll leave now. I'm just being an inconvenience" there's only be 1 time, in the last week that ive been contacting crisis everyday pracrically, where they told me I wasn't an inconvenience and that they wanted to carry on talking to me if it helps, all the rest said "okay contact us again if you are unsafe, or 999/111 if you are at risk/in danger"
    What I'm hearing you say is that you're wanting support that feels far more relational than transactional - would that be fair to say? Support with someone who is really taking that time to get to know you, to be curious about your experience, and to listen rather than telling you?
    Im not really sure what im wanting out of support. Like i guess I would want more relational so they can get to know me and the ins and outs of my life (to an extent) and listen than almost them dominating the conversation and just being selective about what they hear and then telling me what I should be doing - like I know what i should be doing it just don't know how to do it, that's why I'm here
    I know you've mentioned certain Nurses in the past who have been kind and taken more time to properly meet with you. Would that be fair to say? I wonder too whether your upcoming assessment could help unlock this also - some more 1:1 support that feels longer term and more relational, giving you time to really build a connection gradually and at a pace that feels safe?
    well one nurse has taken the time to listen to me and meet me with where i feel comfortable with what im sharing. The up coming assessment may open up 1:1 support but they said it could be mo ths before I get anything like therapy etc and could be as a group (feeling off about this and don't want that really 😕) I'm hoping it's better 1:1 support than my ED support - i do feel it would help me more if I could build that relationship and connection to a point where sharing feels more natural and like i don't have to hide it away and be ashamed of anything.

    I am scared for this assessment on Tuesday though - like I don't know how much they know but also how honest do I be?
    do I tell them I've had so many relapses with my SH recently
    Do I mention how suicidal ive been
    Do I bring up the medication, my past
    Like idk how this assessment works and non of their NHS pages help with what they will ask or talk about.
    At least with the ED assessment I kinda knew what would be spoken about but they also gave me information to look over before the assessment.
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