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Wish I could stop my obsession (mentions of suicide)
bignosegirly0
Posts: 219 Trailblazer
I never shut up about it on this website lol. But for four years, I’ve been obsessing over this couple everyday.
For context, I’m an ugly woman and grew up being bullied for it. When starting my first job, one guy picked on me a lot by pretending to be attracted to me as a joke, to highlight how ugly I am and how no man will ever love me. He did this whilst dating another girl. Hence, the obsession started.
His girlfriend is the ideal woman in this world. She’s blonde, short, perfect hourglass body, small button nose, blue eyes, straight teeth, beautiful makeup. She’s every man’s dreams. In addition, she’s an erotic dancer, so of course she’s fits perfectly with the male gaze. I hate her because I want to be her. I want to be lusted by men. I want to be considered pretty. I want to be considered cute. I want to be considered sexy. But I’m not. And I never will be. I’ll never have worth in this world. And I’d be better off dead.
And I can’t help but obsess over these two everyday. It’s been going on for four fucking years now, and I can’t stop. Even when I’m not obsessively checking their social media, they still play in my mind atleast ten times or more per day. I’ve tried everything to get a new job so then I can finally forget about them. But the job market is so shit right now. Even though her boyfriend has left my workplace, I’m still stuck with her. And I fucking hate being around her. I hate how I’ll never be like her.
I just want to be loved. I just want to be appreciated. I want to be yearned over. I want to be treasured. My ideal love is to be adored and cared gently like a precious, yet fragile art piece. I want to be loved like a puppy. But I’m gonna die first before I ever get to experience that type of love.
For context, I’m an ugly woman and grew up being bullied for it. When starting my first job, one guy picked on me a lot by pretending to be attracted to me as a joke, to highlight how ugly I am and how no man will ever love me. He did this whilst dating another girl. Hence, the obsession started.
His girlfriend is the ideal woman in this world. She’s blonde, short, perfect hourglass body, small button nose, blue eyes, straight teeth, beautiful makeup. She’s every man’s dreams. In addition, she’s an erotic dancer, so of course she’s fits perfectly with the male gaze. I hate her because I want to be her. I want to be lusted by men. I want to be considered pretty. I want to be considered cute. I want to be considered sexy. But I’m not. And I never will be. I’ll never have worth in this world. And I’d be better off dead.
And I can’t help but obsess over these two everyday. It’s been going on for four fucking years now, and I can’t stop. Even when I’m not obsessively checking their social media, they still play in my mind atleast ten times or more per day. I’ve tried everything to get a new job so then I can finally forget about them. But the job market is so shit right now. Even though her boyfriend has left my workplace, I’m still stuck with her. And I fucking hate being around her. I hate how I’ll never be like her.
I just want to be loved. I just want to be appreciated. I want to be yearned over. I want to be treasured. My ideal love is to be adored and cared gently like a precious, yet fragile art piece. I want to be loved like a puppy. But I’m gonna die first before I ever get to experience that type of love.
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Comments
I hear that you want to be loved and appreciated, and that's entirely reasonable - everyone deserves to feel like that. I hear what you say, but I want to state that you do have worth and value - there is far more to any person than their physical appearance alone. We're glad that you're with us and part of this community!