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Worried I’m gonna lose my oldest brother

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 196 Trailblazer
in Health & Wellbeing
Last year during my summer, my family has had a massive falling out in regards to wedding plans, leading to my oldest brother cutting us off for months and having arguments every now and then.

We’ve been trying everything to make amends, but my dad is in the way. He’s unwilling to forgive what my oldest brother has done and it’s causing us to get further and further away.

My family is constantly talking about this issue. And I’m worried I’m gonna lose my brother. I can’t stop crying about it.
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Comments

  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,396 Wise Owl
    hey @bignosegirly0 🙂

    that sounds really tough, and i’m so sorry you’re going through this. family conflicts, especially ones that last this long, can feel overwhelming and exhausting. it’s so clear that you love your brother and just want things to go back to how they were, and it’s heartbreaking that your dad’s unwillingness to move forward is making that harder.

    i know it’s easier said than done, but try not to carry all of this on your own. you can’t control how your dad or your brother react, but you can control how you approach your relationship with your brother. maybe reaching out to him directly, without the weight of the rest of the family’s feelings involved, could help keep that connection alive?

    you don’t have to go through this alone, we’re here for you, always <3
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 734 Part of The Mix Family
    Ah @bignosegirly0 , I'm so sorry to hear this is happening. It sounds so horrible to think of losing your brother and I can imagine it feeling really painful for this argument to be creating such a rift in your family.

    I wonder whether your Dad has been open to conversation at all? How aware is he about how all of this is affecting you?

    And I wonder whether you still have any channels of communication with your oldest brother right now?

    We're here for you as you navigate this.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 196 Trailblazer
    @Sian321 while I do appreciate your solutions, it unfortunately doesn’t work. Because my dad will never admit hes in the wrong, and he will word things in a certain manner to avoid taking responsibility.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 734 Part of The Mix Family
    @bignosegirly0 , that sounds extreamly hard, and I can imagine it is really upsetting for this to be happening outside of your control.

    It sounds like your older brother means a lot to you, and it can be so tough when families are in conflict. That can be so stressful and anxiety-inducing.

    We're here for you to listen, and to be by your side :star:
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Moderator Posts: 390 Listening Ear
    @bignosegirly0 I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Family conflicts, especially when they stretch on for months can be incredibly overwhelming. It sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, trying to navigate the tension between your dad and brother, and wanting to hold onto those relationships.

    You’re not alone in this. It's natural to feel like you're stuck in the middle, especially when you love both your brother and your dad. Do you feel like there’s any way to talk to either of them about how much this is hurting you? Sometimes opening up about how you’re feeling can give them a little perspective, even if it doesn't solve everything right away.

    And if the emotions are becoming too much to bear, it could help to give yourself some space to breathe and process everything in smaller moments when you're not feeling so overwhelmed. It might also help to talk to someone outside the family, like a friend or therapist, to help you work through how you're feeling.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 196 Trailblazer
    @Orchid059 if I’m being honest, the issue isn’t my brother, it’s my dad. My brother has also been trying to put in effort to get back with the family.

    But my dad is refusing to forgive him. Yesterday on Mother’s Day, when my parents a major argument at the dinner table, my mum brought up how I ended up crying in my room because of the conflict.

    All my dad said was, “well I’m sorry if what I said upsets you.” It’s not his words that upsets me, it’s the fact that I may not be able to see my oldest brother again due to this conflict between him and my father.

    Even my mum suggested a divorce, and I think it’s likely to happen. Because I have no hope in my father changing. He rather hurt others than admit hes in the wrong for once.
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,223 Boards Champion
    Hey @bignosegirly0, I can hear how frustrating this is. This conflict is between your father and brother, but you and others in the family are being clearly impacted by it. Your brother has been putting effort to get back with the family, but it sounds like your dad isn't willing to settle things amicably. I'm sorry to hear how this is impacting you, family issues like this can be really tough for everyone. I hope that you're able to retain a relationship with your brother in some way, because you're both trying to make it work, but I understand that might not be possible given the dynamics. We're here to listen to you through this <3
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