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Existing is hard
Rose113
Community Champion Posts: 3,067 Boards Guru
Existing is hard, some days I wish people didn’t know that I existed, some days I wish people couldn’t see me especially when those days I don’t want anyone to notice me
Each day morning and afternoon I’m happy and smiling and laughing but as soon as it’s night time I’m lay in bed with my lights on red, music blasting just questioning my existence. Like why do I exist ? Was there a reason to that?
The night gets later and the tears make a return and then all of a sudden I’m sobbing my heart out, my eyes burn, then my body and mind suddenly give up on me after hours and that’s when I fall asleep
Each day morning and afternoon I’m happy and smiling and laughing but as soon as it’s night time I’m lay in bed with my lights on red, music blasting just questioning my existence. Like why do I exist ? Was there a reason to that?
The night gets later and the tears make a return and then all of a sudden I’m sobbing my heart out, my eyes burn, then my body and mind suddenly give up on me after hours and that’s when I fall asleep
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
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Comments
If we were to ask what you would like your purpose to be, how would you answer? I am aware purpose varies widely between people! We all tend to have a different purpose and it is often shaped by many different experiences, preferences, strengths, dislikes and challenges etc.
We can especially hear how painful and teary it has been! Do you have a support network who you would feel safe and comfortable with talking to about this?
i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. i can tell that nights are especially hard for you, and i wish i could take some of that pain away. it sounds exhausting to go from smiling and laughing during the day to feeling completely drained and questioning everything at night. that is such a heavy weight to carry, and you don’t deserve to go through it alone.
i don’t have all the answers, but i do know that your existence does matter, even if it’s hard to see right now, you have people who care about you, people who would feel the weight of the world without you in it. i know that hearing that doesn’t magically make everything better, but i hope that you know that you’re not alone in this.
if you ever need to talk, whether it’s about this or just a distraction, i’m always here for you. you don’t have to figure everything out all at once, and you don’t have to do it alone. i hope you can be kind to yourself! you’ve matter more than you realise.
i hope you’re ok - you’ve got this, i believe in you