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Finding things hard right now
Redemption
Posts: 3,440 Boards Guru
I’ve been thinking earlier about my first post here. Back then, I hadn’t found my feet, and I still haven’t yet now, even though I’ve improved in some ways. I’ve just been trying a lot for quite some time now to get where I want to be, but it’s hard not being there yet. I know I’ve been really repetitive, and I feel like a broken record now, but it’s just because I keep experiencing the same feelings regularly, and it’s tough to break out of it. I've been finding things really hard lately, and it feels like this struggle has been ongoing for the past few years. Despite trying to improve, I’ve faced setbacks like failing a training course, not securing a stable job, and it’s made everything feel never-ending. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a quarter-life crisis, especially after finishing college. Back then, at 19-20, I already felt behind, thinking I should’ve been working or doing an apprenticeship instead, and now being at home most days without progress has only intensified those feelings.
I’ve tried to push myself by doing training courses, work placements, and volunteering, but despite my efforts, none of it has led to securing a job, which makes me feel stuck and disheartened. It’s hard not to take rejections personally, especially when I see others moving forward in life while I’m still unproductive and unfulfilled. Volunteering has also been tough, especially after being told I wasn’t suitable for tills despite only trying twice, and since then, I’ve dreaded going in, sometimes even crying in the car beforehand. I keep hoping it’ll lead to something, but the uncertainty of how long this will take is overwhelming, and past failures have made me prone to overthinking even small things. Life definitely feels overwhelming and hard at times, like there’s so many different parts of it piling up all at once. Whether it’s struggling with job progress, feeling behind in life, or even the constant overthinking, it all just feels like too much sometimes, and it’s hard to keep myself positive through it all. It’s just been really hard not to move forward or be so hard on myself about everything. I know I’m trying, but when things don’t work out, it’s tough not to blame myself or feel like I’m failing.
On top of that, I’ve also been experiencing other personal issues too, and it’s just been fucking tough. Like everything feels like it’s hitting me at once. Life not moving forward, personal problems, feeling left behind, and just mentally exhausting myself overthinking it all. It’s like no matter how hard I try, things don’t seem to change, and it’s hard not to let it get to me. What’s made it even harder is how much I’ve valued the community over the past year. It’s become something really important to me. It’s been a safe place where I’ve felt comfortable discussing heavy topics without judgment or shame, even when I repeated myself. I’ve formed strong bonds with people there, and seeing some of them leave has been especially hard. Sometimes it feels like the community is all I have, and the changes have made it even harder to cope. Knowing that one day I’ll have to leave the community myself already causes me anxiety, and with slow progress in my life and the fear of losing that support, it’s made everything feel even more overwhelming.
On top of all this, I really want to move forward with the things I want in life. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and I want to find the right woman, have a meaningful relationship, and eventually settle down. I also want to get a new car, and ultimately, I dream of buying my own house and making a home with the right person. There’s so much I want to do in life, and it’s tough feeling like I’m stuck right now, unable to make that progress. Life is definitely overwhelming and hard at times, with so many different parts of it weighing down on me. It’s like there’s always something. Whether it’s career struggles, personal setbacks, or feeling left behind, it just makes everything feel so heavy. I really want things to change, but it’s hard when it feels like nothing is moving forward. It’s also been tough not to constantly be hard on myself or feel like I’m failing when progress is slow. I know I’m trying, but it’s hard not to beat myself up about it sometimes. And with these personal issues happening on top of it all, it’s just been fucking tough to deal with everything at once. But think it is clear now, I’m not just sitting around complaining or doing nothing. As I’ve said plenty of times, I am making efforts, and no one can say I’m not. I’ve done training, work placements, volunteering, I’ve been pushing myself to get somewhere. It’s just been a really slow process, and the uncertainty of how long it’ll take really gets to me. That’s what’s making it so hard, not knowing when things will finally change or fall into place, I just hope it happens soon because I've been struggling like this for so long as you probably know from all my posts.
I’ve tried to push myself by doing training courses, work placements, and volunteering, but despite my efforts, none of it has led to securing a job, which makes me feel stuck and disheartened. It’s hard not to take rejections personally, especially when I see others moving forward in life while I’m still unproductive and unfulfilled. Volunteering has also been tough, especially after being told I wasn’t suitable for tills despite only trying twice, and since then, I’ve dreaded going in, sometimes even crying in the car beforehand. I keep hoping it’ll lead to something, but the uncertainty of how long this will take is overwhelming, and past failures have made me prone to overthinking even small things. Life definitely feels overwhelming and hard at times, like there’s so many different parts of it piling up all at once. Whether it’s struggling with job progress, feeling behind in life, or even the constant overthinking, it all just feels like too much sometimes, and it’s hard to keep myself positive through it all. It’s just been really hard not to move forward or be so hard on myself about everything. I know I’m trying, but when things don’t work out, it’s tough not to blame myself or feel like I’m failing.
On top of that, I’ve also been experiencing other personal issues too, and it’s just been fucking tough. Like everything feels like it’s hitting me at once. Life not moving forward, personal problems, feeling left behind, and just mentally exhausting myself overthinking it all. It’s like no matter how hard I try, things don’t seem to change, and it’s hard not to let it get to me. What’s made it even harder is how much I’ve valued the community over the past year. It’s become something really important to me. It’s been a safe place where I’ve felt comfortable discussing heavy topics without judgment or shame, even when I repeated myself. I’ve formed strong bonds with people there, and seeing some of them leave has been especially hard. Sometimes it feels like the community is all I have, and the changes have made it even harder to cope. Knowing that one day I’ll have to leave the community myself already causes me anxiety, and with slow progress in my life and the fear of losing that support, it’s made everything feel even more overwhelming.
On top of all this, I really want to move forward with the things I want in life. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and I want to find the right woman, have a meaningful relationship, and eventually settle down. I also want to get a new car, and ultimately, I dream of buying my own house and making a home with the right person. There’s so much I want to do in life, and it’s tough feeling like I’m stuck right now, unable to make that progress. Life is definitely overwhelming and hard at times, with so many different parts of it weighing down on me. It’s like there’s always something. Whether it’s career struggles, personal setbacks, or feeling left behind, it just makes everything feel so heavy. I really want things to change, but it’s hard when it feels like nothing is moving forward. It’s also been tough not to constantly be hard on myself or feel like I’m failing when progress is slow. I know I’m trying, but it’s hard not to beat myself up about it sometimes. And with these personal issues happening on top of it all, it’s just been fucking tough to deal with everything at once. But think it is clear now, I’m not just sitting around complaining or doing nothing. As I’ve said plenty of times, I am making efforts, and no one can say I’m not. I’ve done training, work placements, volunteering, I’ve been pushing myself to get somewhere. It’s just been a really slow process, and the uncertainty of how long it’ll take really gets to me. That’s what’s making it so hard, not knowing when things will finally change or fall into place, I just hope it happens soon because I've been struggling like this for so long as you probably know from all my posts.
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Comments
you haven't given up and i think we all see the determination and motivation you have yo get yourself into a routine/job/lifestyle you are happier with. you have done things to grow as a person and better yourself to give yourself the best chances at reaching your goals. and i know hard it can be to see these achievements from your own perspective, as i feel we are often more critical of ourselves than we are of others. but from an outsiders perspective - you have so much you can be proud of. i know it can be disheartening but try not to be too hard on yourself. your time will come i promise
Thank you so much sinead great reply, really appreciate it as always ❤️
@Azziman Sorry for the slow response, I was planning to get back to you shortly after but ended up forgetting. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me to hear that you've noticed the effort I've been putting in, even when things feel uncertain and frustrating. I'm doing my best to stay positive, and it helps to know that you and others are rooting for me. I’ll keep pushing forward and hope that an opportunity comes soon. Thank you again for your encouragement.