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i just ruin everything

struggling0_0struggling0_0 Posts: 183 Helping Hand
edited February 28 in Health & Wellbeing
life without me would be so much better. i just ruin everything. tonight we (my family and i) went for food. when we got to the place i could see from the car how it was really busy and i panicked because i cant cope with busy places. we were just going to get it to takeaway and eat it in the car, as my mum & sister went in to go order to bring it back to the car a table became available so my sister came back to tell me. i said “its ok ill just wait in the car, i dont want anything” then text in the group chat saying its too busy and i dont feel comfy so ill just wait in the car, i dont need food and then she text to say they ordered me some chips and will bring it out to me. my mum then brought them out, by her reaction she was not at all pleased about it. the whole time i waited in the car i was really worried about what the outcome was gonna be. ofc i’ve ruined everything again. i hate life so much, it would be so much better if i wasn’t here.

Comments

  • RedemptionRedemption Posts: 3,440 Boards Guru
    I'm so, so sorry you're feeling this way and I promise you it's not and never will be true that life would be better without you. Please don’t say that. Feeling uncomfortable in busy places is completely understandable and there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting in the car if that’s what makes you feel more comfortable. You didn’t ruin anything. Your family still got their food and they made sure to get you something because they care about you. I know it might not have felt great in the moment but you didn’t do anything wrong. Please be kind to yourself and remember that you’re not alone. We are always here for you.
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,218 Boards Champion
    Hi @struggling0_0, thank you for sharing how you feel with us. I can understand that you felt uncomfortable with the busy place, and communicated that to your family. They might not be happy, but neither was that situation for you. You all got your food in the end, which is why you all went out after all! You haven't ruined everything, and life isn't better off without you. You handled the situation well and communicated with your family. As @TheNightmare says above, please be kind to yourself! You have value and do matter. We're here to support you <3
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  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 649 Incredible Poster
    Hey @struggling0_0 , thank you for this post, and I wanted to check in to ask how you're doing today?

    You mentioned feeling as though life would be better off without you, and that sounds like a really painful thought to have. It feels like you might be carrying some heavy self-blame and criticism here for having 'ruined' everything, however, it also sounds upsetting to have been really overwhelmed by just how busy the restaurant was and also, to then have your mum getting frustrated with you for staying in the car. I can imagine that feeling quite trapping - because going into the takeaway didn't feel like an option for you, but you felt told-off for staying in the car. And ultimately. it sounds like you might have felt isolated, maybe, having to cope on your own. We hear you, and are really greateful for you sharing this.

    When you feel overwhelmed within busy places, what is your sense of what you most need in those moments, or what would feel most comofrting? <3

    I wonder what conversations tend to look like with your family when you do let them know you're getting overwhelmed? What do you wish they would understand or see more about what it's like for you?

    I also just wanted to check in too to ask what happens for you emotionally and in your body when you have thoughts such as, 'life would be better off without me?' What kind of feelings come up? And how do you keep yourself safe through those moments? Again, I can imagine that feeling so isolating and lonely. You're doing really well to open up about this, and we're here without judgement to listen.
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