It’s fucking with my head again

Comments

• Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,437 Part of The Furniture

  February 23

  This sounds really difficult @Rose113. As you say, not only do you remember this but it seems to be never ending - with the nightmares and terror that you can barely handle. Have you got the support you need and deserve around handling the triggers at the moment? We really care about you

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• Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 3,095 Boards Guru

  February 23

  @Laura_tigger82 no

  Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

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• Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,437 Part of The Furniture

  February 23

  You deserve to feel supported @Rose113, even though there does seem to be an unfortunate gap at the moment with resources for people who have been adopted in particular
  
  Some resources which might be helpful @Rose113 are:
  
  Blueknot
  NAPAC
  HAVOCA - Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse
  
  These all provide specific, tailored, support for people who have experienced abuse, particularly in childhood, like you have. Do any of these resources feel approachable at the moment?

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• Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 734 Part of The Mix Family

  February 23

  Hey @Rose113 , how are you this afternoon? Just wanting to check in
  

  I think about them all day - every day since I went back to my home town and it never stops I always wonder what if things had gone differently.

  
  This sounds like such a heartache - that constant questioning and longing to know, 'what if'? What if things had gone differently? What if I'd been able to stay? What if I hadn't been abused? These questions sound painful to ask. And so hard not to know the answers. And I can imagine driving past the primary school you might have gone to would leave you with such a pang in your chest - all these alternative futures that could have been. Like driving past a life that could have been yours.
  

  I saw the pub they were arrested at and started getting flashbacks to the night we were removed I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever remember more to the past but I do I remember a lot and it’s torturing me the nightmares and terror I can barely handle.

  
  This sounds really, really overwhelming and frightening, @Rose113 . Like a bombardment of memories. I hear you saying too that it took you by surprise to find that even more memories of the past could re-surface. Again, that sounds very distressing to realise, and I hear that it feels like torture.
  
  I wonder if you were with anyone else on Thursday when you went back to these places, or maybe you were alone? How have you been able to take care of yourself these last few days?
  
  We're here, Rose, and thank you for your trust in sharing this. We don't take it for granted
  
  

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• Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 3,095 Boards Guru

  February 23

  Hey @Sian321 im safe but idk I kinda just don’t want my life anymore
  
  Since I was in contact with my birth mom I thought I’d get the answer to everything but she just lies through her teeth and denies everything that happened
  
  I was with my mum (the one that adopted me). I haven’t been looking after me and I know I should but just letting myself go downhill completely

  Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

  1
• Rose113 Community Champion Posts: 3,095 Boards Guru

  February 23

  Hey @Laura_tigger82
  
  Thank you for the resources
  
  I had a look at blueknot however it was only for people in Australia but I did look at the other 2 and I’m going to email

  Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

  1
• Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,437 Part of The Furniture

  March 2

  Oh no! Are you able to use the resources and fact sheets etc on Blue Knot @Rose113 - even if the helpline is, unfortunately, inaccessible here?
  
  Have you managed to make contact with the other 2 services yet? If so, I am just wondering if you would like to share more with us about how this has gone for you

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