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Hospital called

RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
in Sex & Relationships
My mum got a call from the hospital at around 10, they said my grandma has deteriorated rapidly and all relatives need to get there.

Mum said someone will come get me if I’m needed but probably won’t be so I’ll be stuck at home alone
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
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Comments

  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,248 Boards Champion
    Ah @Rose113 , I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. That sounds so frightening, to have to stay home and to not know what's happening.

    Where do you feel you would ideally like to be at the moment? I wonder whether there is anything within your control that you could ask for, e.g. to ask for text updates from your mum so you're kept in the loop? Or maybe you're wanting space?

    I know how much you care for your grandma, and I can imagine it's just heartbreaking to hear she's deteriorating. We're right here with you, @Rose113. Keep us posted <3
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    @Sian321 im not sure :( I’m sorry
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,248 Boards Champion
    @Rose113 that is completely okay - I recoignise just how overwhelming things are right now. You don't have to have any answers right now. We're here simply to listen and be with you in this. I'm sending the biggest hug, @Rose113 <3
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    @Sian321 :bawling:<3
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    edited December 2024
    @Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,248 Boards Champion
    edited December 2024
    Ah @Rose113 , I'm so very sorry. There are no words 💔 I know how much she means to you. She was and is incredibly important. I can imagine your head might be spinning right now, and I hope you can take all the time you need to process this, even though it may feel unprocessable right now. Whatever you're feeling, it's okay. Whatever you're needing, that's valid. We're right here on the other side of this screen <3
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 2,523 Boards Guru
    Rose113 wrote: »
    @Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔

    sending you so so much love, i’m so sorry to hear that🩷
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    Sobbing my heart out, the tears are never ending and I can’t keep up with wiping them away. Been told we’re going round to be with family in a bit but I can’t I can’t fucking deal with it. I just want to lock myself away. This is the worst grief I’ve ever felt, I feel so alone now I’ve lost the only person that has ever cared about me. My whole world has fell apart and my sh urges are bad but I don’t have anything to use either way so I’m just curled up in bed with Barney licking my face 💔 I new this day was coming but not this fast I thought it would be gradual. Apparently she past away peacefully with my grandad holding her hand. I’m glad I wasn’t there when she passed but also I’m angry that I couldn’t say bye 😭😭😭😭

    Please just take this pain away 💔💔💔💔💔
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 2,523 Boards Guru
    edited December 2024
    aw @Rose113 ☹️ i’m not going to pretend i understand how you’re feeling in any way because i don’t, but i’m sending so much love your way🩷

    even though you knew that this day was coming, of course it’s still going to be super difficult for you!! please take as much time as you need to get through this and look after yourself🫶🏻
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    I’ve got so many stupid emotions coming up at once, I don’t like it 😭😭😭 anger, guilt, sadness 💔

    Maybe this is all a dream and I’ll wake up from this horrible nightmare and she will still be here, she has to be, she can’t leave me 😭 I need her 😭😭😭

    I just keep screaming into my pillow 💔🥺
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 2,523 Boards Guru
    edited December 2024
    @Rose113 i really do hear how you’re feeling☹️but i promise you that there is no emotion that you are feeling that is stupid - how you’re feeling is SO valid!!🩷
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    My T-shirt and blanket are soggy and I’m a soggy mess yet the tears are still coming and I’ve got a headache and gone so dizzy and feel so confused 😭😭😭

    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    Probably gonna end up pathetically spamming this thread all day 😭💔
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 2,523 Boards Guru
    @Rose113 you’re not pathetic!! we care about you🩷 i’m always here if you need someone
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    Being forced to be with family, I don’t want to be!!!!
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    I told K that I’ve lost my grandma and he started ranting about the fact he’s cheated on his girl friend…are my feelings invisible ffs
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    I told K that I’ve lost my grandma and he started ranting about the fact he’s cheated on his girl friend…are my feelings invisible ffs
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Posts: 2,523 Boards Guru
    i’m so sorry they done that @Rose113 - how you feel is super valid and does matter so much🩷
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Posts: 390 Listening Ear
    Hi @Rose113 I am so sorry for your loss it sounds like you were very close with her. Losing a loved one can be an incredibly difficult time and we all grieve in different ways so make sure you are patient and kind to yourself. If you don't want to be surrounded by family at this time that's understandable as sometimes people prefer to be within their own company.

    Although it may feel incredibly difficult right now, with time that pain will soften, but for now just take all the time you need to grieve and process this for yourself.

    I have attached some useful resources below if you need them.
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/support-and-self-care/
    https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/
    https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/

    We're here for you through this difficult time <3
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    I’ve ran out of tears :/ I don’t feel anything now
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Posts: 390 Listening Ear
    @Rose113 I can hear how incredibly hard this is for you at the moment. Feeling numb can be a normal symptom for those suffering from grief so you are not alone in how you are feeling. It is good to cry as it can allow us to come to terms with our emotions and release that tension we are holding. Running out of tears is also completely normal and is what happens when we go through intense periods of emotional distress. For the time being try and distract yourself by doing something nice whether that be watching something on the televison, having a nice warm bath, or doing something creative.

    You are being so brave <3
  • briannatbriannat Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    Hello @Rose113 <3

    There are no words. We're all here with you while you feel this pain. If you need this space as a distraction you can do that or if you need this space to talk about exactly what you're feeling we're here for that too <3
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    @briannat im sat with family at my aunts and uncles house and it’s just awkward
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • briannatbriannat Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    @Rose113 I can imagine, how are you passing time by? Are you talking with your family members? Are you texting anyone?
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    @briannat there watching the football, I can’t keep distracted and in the back of my head my AGR is kicking in, I just want to go home and sleep :(
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • briannatbriannat Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    @Rose113 That sounds very tiring in every sense <3 I hope you'll be able to rest soon and take your mind of things for a bit <3
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,248 Boards Champion
    We're right here with you @Rose113 <3

    You've mentioned in the past that some things that have helped with AGR are playing on certain Apps, as well as certain comfort shows too. I wonder whether it would be possible to access these on your phone even while you're around family to help ground you?

    I can imagine being at your aunt and uncles house when you're just exhausted and wanting to go home to rest now is really hard. Keep us posted <3
  • RiverRiver Community Connector Posts: 4,816 The Mix Elder
    @Sian321 not really :( don’t want to get caught when I have to act my age
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,343 Part of The Furniture
    Rose113 wrote: »
    @Sian321 shes gone 😭😭😭 mum just got home and told me 💔💔

    Oh gosh I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be super tough on you right now, I cant imagine all the emotions you must be going through processing that. I'm always here if you ever want to chat 🫂🫂.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • eylaheylah Posts: 8,667 Legendary Poster
    im so sry to hear abt your loss river im always here if you need to talk or anything ❤️
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
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