ASD unmasking

BensonE · January 7

Hiya again another question for all those with ASD (austism spectrum disorder) when you meet someone you can trust to unmask around how do you have that initial conversation with them and what stages do you unmask

Do you do it gradually or do you do it all at once

I've only ever unmasked round other autistics so I don't know what best todo it around NTs

Amy22 · January 7

Hey @BensonE this is actually a very good question to ask and I am glad you reached out to ask about this. From my own personal experiences as someone who identifies as ASD, it roughly takes me longer personally to de-mask around NT people because for me I feel like I need to properly trust others before I can slowly start to mask. I think for most neurodiverse people identifying as ASD may also feel the same, however a lot can unmask slightly easier than others, it depends I guess on how comfortable they are initially with the whole of processing of de-masking. Sometimes it can be a good idea sometimes to explain about your ASD with the person as well as explaining that you feel more comfortable to unmask around them. I think unmasking can take a while to do around people because I think for most of us it can be very nerve wracking especially if we feel like we may be judged by being our true authentic selves. I think one of the stages for me is getting to know the person first, and slowly building up a trust like relationship with them which from there I can decide whether I am ready to slowly unmask and show myself more to them. I think it varies from person to person. I properly don't have the right advice for this but I can always help and I am willing to listen. Always here for you if you need anything

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Amy22

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BensonE · January 7

Amy22 wrote: »

Hey @BensonE this is actually a very good question to ask and I am glad you reached out to ask about this. From my own personal experiences as someone who identifies as ASD, it roughly takes me longer personally to de-mask around NT people because for me I feel like I need to properly trust others before I can slowly start to mask. I think for most neurodiverse people identifying as ASD may also feel the same, however a lot can unmask slightly easier than others, it depends I guess on how comfortable they are initially with the whole of processing of de-masking. Sometimes it can be a good idea sometimes to explain about your ASD with the person as well as explaining that you feel more comfortable to unmask around them. I think unmasking can take a while to do around people because I think for most of us it can be very nerve wracking especially if we feel like we may be judged by being our true authentic selves. I think one of the stages for me is getting to know the person first, and slowly building up a trust like relationship with them which from there I can decide whether I am ready to slowly unmask and show myself more to them. I think it varies from person to person. I properly don't have the right advice for this but I can always help and I am willing to listen. Always here for you if you need anything .

Amy22 .

I haven't yet read your whole message but I feel I got the gist of it

My friend understands austism because she researched it and understands the whole masking thing and I do trust her it's more of a fear of scaring her

Maisy · January 11

I don't have a diagnosis and I grew up before masking was researched, so my answer may not fully apply to you (as in, I've either unknowingly been unmasked with people who I was close to in the past or haven't yet got around to unmasking or having that conversation at the present time) .

But I imagine it would be a gradual thing. I guess whoever I'm close to would bring up autism and I would give my 'real' thoughts (as opposed to not having known about autism before so not being able to talk much about it in the past). From there, choosing to unmask, for me, would be more about giving my real opinion on things (rather than just going along with whatever else says) or realising that there is some kind of activity that I want to do and giving myself permission to actually do it (rather than not allowing myself to as I would've done if I was masking). Or even when it comes to making decisions and choices...realising that I have my own preferences and listening to what I want (rather than letting others influence what I should do). The key, for me, is feeling close to the other person and knowing that they'll like me for who I am. Or rather prefer me for being myself rather than trying to be something that's not really me. It's not something that can be forced or brought on.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your friend and that she understands autism and masking. That's a good sign! It's understandable that if you have been masking then it may be a bit difficult for others to adjust to what they might see as a 'new you' (when really it's just the real you that was hidden). But it might help to take things slow, start small and see where it goes. And if for whatever reason unmasking doesn't go so well, know that it's okay. We don't have to unmask or be 100% ourselves all the time and it's not a reflection of the friendship if there are certain times you can't unmask. Even people who aren't autistic 'mask' at times. There's no pressure

Amy22 · January 12

BensonE wrote: »

Amy22 wrote: »

Hey @BensonE this is actually a very good question to ask and I am glad you reached out to ask about this. From my own personal experiences as someone who identifies as ASD, it roughly takes me longer personally to de-mask around NT people because for me I feel like I need to properly trust others before I can slowly start to mask. I think for most neurodiverse people identifying as ASD may also feel the same, however a lot can unmask slightly easier than others, it depends I guess on how comfortable they are initially with the whole of processing of de-masking. Sometimes it can be a good idea sometimes to explain about your ASD with the person as well as explaining that you feel more comfortable to unmask around them. I think unmasking can take a while to do around people because I think for most of us it can be very nerve wracking especially if we feel like we may be judged by being our true authentic selves. I think one of the stages for me is getting to know the person first, and slowly building up a trust like relationship with them which from there I can decide whether I am ready to slowly unmask and show myself more to them. I think it varies from person to person. I properly don't have the right advice for this but I can always help and I am willing to listen. Always here for you if you need anything .

Amy22 .

I haven't yet read your whole message but I feel I got the gist of it

My friend understands autism because she researched it and understands the whole masking thing and I do trust her it's more of a fear of scaring her

Im glad that your friend understands autism as it can be harder when someone doesn't understand what it is like to mask. I understand that feeling of potentially scaring her or making her feel umcomfortable but I'm by umasking you won't as you are being your authentic self and the friend should be okay to accept you for you. May I ask why do you feel like you may scare your friend by unmasking (I am just curious as to the reason why). Im always here if you do need someone though

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ASD unmasking

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