Post of The Month - Nearly Festive Time!

Hi @JJLemon18, thank you so much for reaching out, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I understand how upset and uncertain you feel after your mum said all those things to you. Dealing with overprotective parents is difficult, and you're very brave for coming to the realisation that they haven't raised you well.

I just want to say that your mixed feelings about your parents are completely valid. They may have tried so hard to be good parents and to raise you well, however, this may have caused you more harm to your growth than good (for example, the blame that your mum puts on you, as you described above). This doesn't justify their negative behaviour towards you though. It's okay to feel exhausted because of them, and to have some space away from them.

Please free to continue posting on here if it makes you feel better. We're always here to listen to you. You deserve getting the best possible support needed. Please don't worry about making new posts over and over again, whatever you feel is completely valid and it can help to write it all out

Take care,

Kai

Hey @JJLemon18 autism can vary from person to person. Some are more 'high-functioning' whereas others may be 'milder' in symptoms. An analogy that I tend to use to describe autism is that it's a rainbow and autism can vary in people. It's a huge wide spectrum so yes you can be slightly autistic as you don't have to identify as high functioning. I too have a milder type of autism so I know how you feel. But all in all you can identify as little or as strongly as you like as it's a big spectrum varying from all different types. Also, I'm very glad and proud that you went to the neurodiverse society and enjoyed it there. It does sound like a very good group too. I think it's okay to feel anxious when you first visit as it can be a big thing attending a group even if it is your first time as well.

Unfortunately, some doctors and (even some other medical professionals) aren't always up to date with autism research. There is actually research that suggests that autism and ADHD are often co-morbid (appear together), even though they may seem like opposite things. Autism is kind of complex, and not really something that a doctor could say whether you do or don't have it just in a consultation alone. It needs to be diagnosed by someone who is actually trained in specifically diagnosing neurodiverse conditions. It's also very easy for autism to get missed, and instead to get diagnosed with anxiety and other mental health conditions. It's possible you do have anxiety, but if you feel you might be autistic, then there may be more to it than just anxiety. Would it be possible for you to get a second opinion or see a different doctor for a referral?

As for telling parents, that's a tricky one. Since parents are older, they may have old fashioned views of autism and so may genuinely think that you can't be autistic. Or they may feel that it's just a trend these days given how we have access to the internet growing up while they didn't. Equally, and depending on your parents, whether they are also neurodivergent and their own life experiences, they could potentially be in denial (if they are neurodivergent) about themselves, seeing as it's likely you share traits with them which they may relate to. To have you diagnose with autism, may make them question themselves, and sometimes it's easier to shut it down by going into denial instead. And Azziman said, parents often just want what's best for you. Being diagnosed with autism can lead to a lot of stigma if other people don't understand autism, and your parents wouldn't want you to suffer as a result of that.

It's easy for parents to think that if their child was autistic, they would've been diagnosed a lot earlier in childhood. But actually, this isn't true at all. There's a combination of autistic masking (hiding autistic traits), plus professionals (e.g. teachers) not knowing much about autism (can't get diagnosed if teachers don't see it and refer for diagnosis), plus it takes years for research to improve and make it's way into the community (it's only in the last decade that we've realised girls are often not diagnosed with autism and get missed until later years) that will affect when someone gets diagnosed. It's not as simple as saying that parents would've known when their child was younger.

Regarding being slightly autistic...that depends. Medically, you will either get diagnosed with autism (and a functioning level...1 being higher and 3 being lower) or you won't. But that doesn't mean that you don't necessarily have autism. Some of the criteria used to diagnose autism has been criticised over the years. Equally, functioning levels have also been criticised. And I think some people have proposed that it's possible to have autistic traits but to not hit the criteria for diagnosis, leading to a 'broader autism phenotype' (this is just a theory though). But what many people can agree on is that autism is a spectrum. So there will be things that you find easier than other autistic people, and yet there will also be things that you may find more difficult than others. This might be why you may find that you aren't as 'autistic' as others, and yet still relate to autism. And equally, other things like ADHD, life experiences, plus your own personality may also affect how much or little someone relates to autism. Whatever you feel, it shouldn't stop you from accessing autistic communities and support.

It's really good to hear that you joined the society though! You've been really brave to take that step and I hope that it also helps you to realise that all your worries about joining the society were unfounded

Thought it would be useful to have a little handy guide of some key terms and common diagnose you may come across when speaking about neurodiversity and there definitions - This is actually something that I’ve pulled out a recent guide that my university disability service wrote

Specific Learning Difficulties (SpLD)
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SpLD is an umbrella term incorporating Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Dyscalculia among others. Closely associated with SpLD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

Neurdiverse
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The word neurodiversity refers to the diversity of all people, but it is often used in the context of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as other neurological or developmental conditions such as ADHD or learning disabilities.

Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways.A person whose brain ‘diverges’ from the majority can be described as neurodivergent (see also: ‘Neurotypical’). Neurodivergence can be genetic, the result of a brain-altering experience, or a combination of the two.

Neurodivergent conditions often come with pronounced strengths. However, there will typically also be areas where neurodivergent individuals struggle.

Dyslexia
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Dyslexia primarily affects the skills involved in accurate reading and spelling. Typical difficulties include phonological processing, working and short-term memory, visual processing, reading speed and comprehension, concentration and personal organisation – the pattern of difficulties varies widely between individuals. Dyslexia occurs across a range of abilities and is best thought of as a continuum with no distinct cut-off points. It is persistent and lifelong but individuals will often develop a range of skills and coping strategies.

Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD)
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DCD, also known as Dyspraxia in the UK, is a common disorder affecting fine or gross motor coordination in children and adults. DCD is distinct from other motor disorders such as cerebral palsy and stroke and occurs across the range of intellectual abilities. Individuals may vary in how their difficulties present; these may change over time depending on environmental demands and life experience. An individual’s co-ordination difficulties may affect participation and functioning of everyday life skills in education, work and employment.
There may be a range of co-occurring difficulties which can also have serious negative impacts on daily life. These include social and emotional difficulties as well as problems with time management, planning and personal organisation and these may also affect an adult’s education or employment experiences.

Dyscalculia
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Dyscalculia is a specific and persistent difficulty in understanding numbers which can lead to a diverse range of difficulties with mathematics. It will be unexpected in relation to age, level of education and experience and occurs across all ages and abilities. Mathematics difficulties are best thought of as a continuum, not a distinct category, and they have many causal factors.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
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ADHD presents as inattentive/impulsive or as a combined type with qualities of both. In most cases people with this disorder are often ‘off task’, have particular difficulty commencing and switching tasks, together with a very short attention span and high levels of distractibility. They may fail to make effective use of the feedback they receive and have difficulties taking in information by listening.
Those with hyperactivity may act impulsively and erratically, have difficulty foreseeing outcomes, fail to plan ahead and be noticeably restless and fidgety.

Autism Spectrum Disorder
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Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability caused by differences in the brain. Some people with ASD have a known difference, such as a genetic condition. Other causes are not yet known. Scientists believe there are multiple causes of ASD that act together to change the most common ways people develop. We still have much to learn about these causes and how they impact people with ASD.

People with ASD may behave, communicate, interact, and learn in ways that are different from most other people. There is often nothing about how they look that sets them apart from other people. The abilities of people with ASD can vary significantly. For example, some people with ASD may have advanced conversation skills whereas others may be nonverbal. Some people with ASD need a lot of help in their daily lives; others can work and live with little to no support.