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Weird sexual encounter with my friend
Jackk
Posts: 3 Newbie
I want to ask about a sexual encounter I had with a friend. We're both male, I identify as straight and as far as I'm aware my friend does too (not that it would change anything if his sexuality was anything else)
I'm not sure how I let it happen and what would of happened if I'd acted differently and where this leaves the relationship between me and my friend, I certainly wouldn't be confident bringing this in conversation with him even though we're very close friends.
I'm a university student in the UK and this friend is also my flatmate. We're both single and we're both straight but my friend has always in what has always appeared as a joke asked me and a few other male friends for sex. This has always been laughed off and I've never thought he was actually being serious as he's also done that when we've been in a group not just when we've been alone together.
This happened a when we were both revising for exams at the end of last year and we we're together in the kitchen of our flat (none of our other flatmates were in) studying for an exam that we had in a few days time. I had been revising constantly for days so I felt a little bit stressed which I think contributed to me allowing this to happen.
He started talking about having sex, he is a particularly close friend and others have made jokes about how close we are and for some reason I thought why not and went into his bedroom with him.
Before anything happened he asked if I'd be more comfortable in my room to which I replied no. He started to undress and so did I. When we were both stripped down to our underwear we turned to each other.
'What do I do now?' I thought 'Do I kiss him'... That's what I would of done had it been a girl.
I didn't kiss him. I had an erection and I was excited. He made the first move and asked me to take my pants down.
I don't know why I did this but I said "You can do that" and he pulled my pants down and I turned my back to him. I don't know what would of happened next as this is when I told him to stop which thankfully he did. We then went back into the kitchen as if nothing had happened and we've not spoken about it since. I'll never bring it up in conversation and I'm 99.9% sure he won't either.
It's made me really confused and scared. I've always thought sure of my sexuality but this had made me start to question it as I feel I might of missed out on something and I now sort of wish I had gone through with it just out of curiosity if anything. I've run so many questions through my head. Does this make me gay? Is my friend gay? Would he have actually fucked me? Did I lead him on?
Would really appreciate any advice as I'm really unsure what to think about this.
I'm not sure how I let it happen and what would of happened if I'd acted differently and where this leaves the relationship between me and my friend, I certainly wouldn't be confident bringing this in conversation with him even though we're very close friends.
I'm a university student in the UK and this friend is also my flatmate. We're both single and we're both straight but my friend has always in what has always appeared as a joke asked me and a few other male friends for sex. This has always been laughed off and I've never thought he was actually being serious as he's also done that when we've been in a group not just when we've been alone together.
This happened a when we were both revising for exams at the end of last year and we we're together in the kitchen of our flat (none of our other flatmates were in) studying for an exam that we had in a few days time. I had been revising constantly for days so I felt a little bit stressed which I think contributed to me allowing this to happen.
He started talking about having sex, he is a particularly close friend and others have made jokes about how close we are and for some reason I thought why not and went into his bedroom with him.
Before anything happened he asked if I'd be more comfortable in my room to which I replied no. He started to undress and so did I. When we were both stripped down to our underwear we turned to each other.
'What do I do now?' I thought 'Do I kiss him'... That's what I would of done had it been a girl.
I didn't kiss him. I had an erection and I was excited. He made the first move and asked me to take my pants down.
I don't know why I did this but I said "You can do that" and he pulled my pants down and I turned my back to him. I don't know what would of happened next as this is when I told him to stop which thankfully he did. We then went back into the kitchen as if nothing had happened and we've not spoken about it since. I'll never bring it up in conversation and I'm 99.9% sure he won't either.
It's made me really confused and scared. I've always thought sure of my sexuality but this had made me start to question it as I feel I might of missed out on something and I now sort of wish I had gone through with it just out of curiosity if anything. I've run so many questions through my head. Does this make me gay? Is my friend gay? Would he have actually fucked me? Did I lead him on?
Would really appreciate any advice as I'm really unsure what to think about this.
1
Comments
I would like to say welcome to the Mix, I am fairly new here myself so I know how scary it can be to make such personal posts here, so well done for being open and honest!
I have been a similar situation but not quite gotten as far as you and your friend did. When I was younger, about 15, I started to develop strange feelings for a long-term friend of mine, who was also a girl. I had always considered myself straight but I couldn't pretend I did not have feelings other than friendship in my heart. I got jealous when she would get a boyfriend and I knew I could treat her better than any boy could. I never told her, I believe other friends that knew told her eventually, but our friendship continued as normal. She didn't make me feel uncomfortable and didn't stop being my friend. She handled the situation really well, and I was grateful for her doing that. I think this is what your friend will do, if you two are good friends. It sounds to me that your friend is more curious about gay interactions than you are, but that doesn't mean he is necessarily gay either. Being curious is normal and there is nothing wrong with this. You also shouldn't be too worried over labelling yourself as "gay" or "straight" as labels are not important. I have never had a sexual gay experience, I have kissed girls but never had sex with a girl, and I do not consider myself as "gay" or "straight", I am just me.
My advice would be to think about your feelings and maybe discuss them with someone you trust, it doesn't have to be this friend we are talking about if you don't want it to be. If you decide you are open to a gay experience, discuss this with him and let him aware of your intentions. Like I said, being curious is not a crime and if both of you want to experience this without being labelled as "gay" or otherwise, discuss this further with him.
If you need any more advice, please don't hesitate to speak out again. Hope you can resolve this however you need to.
Sending a big hug ❤
Thanks for the reply.
Just seemed weird that it happened so quickly, we literally were revising for an exam one minute and both undressed in his room the next.
I actually regretted it almost straight away and wish I'd said 'let's go back to your room' as we were walking down the corridor. I also don't know how serious he was either and whether he would of gone through with it as I said no at the earliest possible moment. Him pulling my pants down was literally all that happened.
I think it's more of curiosity thing for me and I know that I wouldn't want to die having not experienced sex with another man and I know I'm unlikely to be in a similar position again.
I know you value his friendship a lot, and it sounds like you are both very compassionate and kind towards one another, so it's no wonder you are cautious of how this may affect your friendship going forward. To me, it seems (and correct me if I'm wrong), this is your biggest worrying, whilst you would also like to understand what this means for yourself, you don't know how to carry on acting 'back-to-normal' with him after this.
Given this, I think it is useful to try honesty as a first port of call. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm making it sound like the easiest thing in the world, but I truly believe if you value this friendship enough, you will have the immensely tough conversation, because you could risk 1) losing him 2) the friendship weakening if not. You both deserve to have a space to be open and honest with one another, whether this means him saying he's gay or bi, or simply saying he was messing with you, he deserves to have that from you free from judgement.
Do you feel able to talk to him? Even if it's not casually in the morning, it could be on a night out, where the vibes of honesty are a bit easier? I really hope you can better understand each other after this, because your relationship sounds brilliant, and I know you don't want to lose it xx