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Suicidal or suicidal thoughts?
Millicento_
Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
Hi, I don't know where to find an answer to my question. Maybe someone does?
Recently things have been incredibly stressful. Parents divorce, selling the house and even before I was struggling with my own anxiety it's definitely a huge bucketful of every emotion/ feelings.
So, I understand that being suicidal can potentially be making the plans and getting the intention to kill yourself. However alongside that people tend to have a lot of feelings.
I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday and rang my mum as she works for a suicide prevention charity and of course is my mum.
She asked me if I am suicidal and my answer was I'm not going to do anything. I guess that means I'm not. But does that mean I have suicidal thoughts? I was telling her how I don't want to be alive anymore and I can't be here anymore.
Suicidal thoughts or just low mood?
I do feel incredibly worthless and helpless and don't see good in the future as I don't see a future. I don't want to even try as there's no point.
I do have counselling on the side of all this and we did sort of start to fill in an assessment form but I think I diverted the conversation away. Also, the answers have to be yes or no. Or a number rating. I don't agree with those answers to choose and I think that's where things diverted.
I just need a bit of a better answer. I don't want to ask my mum as I don't want her to worry.
Opinions/answers are all welcome.
Recently things have been incredibly stressful. Parents divorce, selling the house and even before I was struggling with my own anxiety it's definitely a huge bucketful of every emotion/ feelings.
So, I understand that being suicidal can potentially be making the plans and getting the intention to kill yourself. However alongside that people tend to have a lot of feelings.
I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday and rang my mum as she works for a suicide prevention charity and of course is my mum.
She asked me if I am suicidal and my answer was I'm not going to do anything. I guess that means I'm not. But does that mean I have suicidal thoughts? I was telling her how I don't want to be alive anymore and I can't be here anymore.
Suicidal thoughts or just low mood?
I do feel incredibly worthless and helpless and don't see good in the future as I don't see a future. I don't want to even try as there's no point.
I do have counselling on the side of all this and we did sort of start to fill in an assessment form but I think I diverted the conversation away. Also, the answers have to be yes or no. Or a number rating. I don't agree with those answers to choose and I think that's where things diverted.
I just need a bit of a better answer. I don't want to ask my mum as I don't want her to worry.
Opinions/answers are all welcome.
0
Comments
It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, with your parents divorcing and selling the house, on top of the anxiety that you already have. It's understandable that when things get stressful you may feel helpless and not see a future anymore.
Regarding suicidal thoughts...I think of it as active vs passive thoughts. Active thoughts means that you have thought about methods, have a plan etc., whereas passive is more that you don't want to live or don't see the point in living, but don't intend on acting on these thoughts either. I'm not an expert, that's just my take on it, and maybe others will be able to provide better or different insight.
It's difficult to say whether what you are experiencing are suicidal thoughts or just low mood. Though the two are often interlinked. Even if these thoughts are brought on by your low mood and recent stresses in life, they should still be taken seriously in case your thoughts or mood worsens.
It's good to know that you were able to talk to your mum (even though you don't want her to worry) and that you have counselling too. I understand the frustration of having to fill in forms with a yes/no or a number rating. Did you talk to your counsellor about how you don't like filling in forms like that? Hopefully your counsellor should be understanding and try to find something that works for you.
Hang in there
Your parents divorcing and moving house are two incredibly huge changes for someone to deal with, on top of your anxiety, so be gentle with yourself. My personal view on suicidal thoughts and some may disagree and by all means I'm not a doctor, but I feel that it's layered. It's a process. Feeling like you don't want to be alive anymore, not being able to see a future, I would say is a suicidal thought. You haven't come up with a plan, but an increased low mood can lead to these thoughts of not wanting to live and that can lead onto intent to end your life, and like maisy said, it's interlinked. The lines can become blurred, because when does it actually start to become a suicidal thought?
A yes or no answer for how you are feeling sounds pretty impossible, a number rating, categorising things into boxes, it sounds like it's a lot more complicated than that for you. I remember when I had an assessment over the phone to receive counselling on the NHS and I had to say yes or no answers on whether I had felt like this within the last 2 weeks, then they told me they couldn't help me. It sometimes all seems so rigid. If you answer yes then you have anxiety, if you answer no then you do not have anxiety etc. I struggle with that too, because everyone is different. You know yourself, and it's important to recognise those feelings as they come up.
It's great you can speak to your mum about some things, and it's really great you are doing counselling. Have you been able to talking to your counsellor that this method doesn't work for you?
You are going through lots of change at the moment, so just bare with yourself and take it easy
Sending hugs.