Petty Ex

Willow · September 2022

2 years ago my ex of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue with no explanation, it was a traumatic experience at the time not only cause he broke up with me but because a lot of stuff about my life, situation and future was destroyed. I have very much moved on and in a loving relationship that I am very much happy in.
What surprised me or even yet seems rather odd, was that my ex has recently gone into a new relationship but decided to announce it the exact same day he broke up with me. I don't care, and not bothered by it as I suspected this was going to happen anyway since I suspect one of the reasons he dumped me cause of someone else. I just find it, petty he decided to announce his new relationship on the same day he broke up with me 2 years ago and not only that but plaster it so that I would eventually see.
I don't have friends to like talk to or just I don't know vent about so wanted to leave this here. Any insights are most welcome. But mainly wanted to just vent a thought out my head.

Laura_tigger82 · September 2022

You have been really brave in sharing this with us @Willow. I can hear how it was a traumatic experience at the time, especially as you were given no explanation and other things were destroyed.

It sounds really positive that you have very much moved on and are in a loving relationship that you are very much happy in now though. I can recognise the strength it might have taken to get to where you are at the moment.

I can hear that you would appreciate insights. Would you like to share more with us about the types of insight you are hoping for?

It is also really positive that you felt able to reach out to us today. We are here for you if you would like to share a little more with us

AislingDM · September 2022

That sounds like such a jarring position to be put in @Willow

Knowing that people can reach such lows of pettiness is truly frustrating, especially when you are happy in your relationship now! It seems like he might be overfocused on the past to the point where it is affecting his new relationship, and I think you seem to be in such a more healthy position of not being impacted by his actions anymore, aside from finding his pettiness laughable and annoying

Willow · September 2022

Thanks @Laura_tigger82 and @AislingDM . It was very jarring expecially since we haven't spoken for 2 years. I know anyone at any age can be petty but this is someone who is a lot older than me. I don't know, felt like he wanted some kind of reaction from me. Honestly not sure what insights I am hoping for just mainly wanted somewhere to vent it I guess as I don't have anyone who knows me from that relationship around me

RenP · September 2022

Hey @Willow

Thank you for sharing. This is what this forum is here for, to vent! To receive support if we want it and just a safe space to share our thoughts, whatever they are. Break ups are hard, even if you are in a new place and a new, loving relationship. My relationship ended 4 years ago and he quickly got with someone else, and I have been with my new partner for a year and am very in love, but various emotions still come up about him. You have expressed that you don't care, but it's totally normal for some sort of feeling to come up, big or small, even if you are over him, because like with any traumatic event, they can affect us later in life when something has triggered us. You've done amazing for expressing your feelings on here.

When you say he announced it, do you mean over social media? I know something that really helped me was to block his account, do you think this is something you could do so that you don't have to be around that behaviour?

Referencing your reply, you are totally right, anyone at any age can be petty, I do believe age is no measure on maturity so maybe try to remember that even though you are younger, you can still be more emotionally mature, aware and compassionate than someone who has lived more of their life. I guess, maybe it is a good thing he isn't in your life anymore as it's not something you would do to him. How do you feel about that? You said you think he wanted some sort of reaction out of you, what do you think this would be and what would he be trying to gain?

Take care and any time you need to vent, that's what we are all here for

Willow · October 2022

Hi @RenP.

Thanks for responding. I know that it is I don't care about him being in a relationship. I guess I am bothered by the fact the person I thought I knew for 5 years could be totally opposite to what I thought 2 years later. Makes me question my judgement on people and new people I meet cause I don't know what to think of them because of how wrong I got it.

I don't follow him or am friends with him on social media, however cause we follow similar friends it came up on my feed due to people I know being tagged. Your right I should just block him I guess that never came to mind cause of how little to no communication I had with him after the break up so I didn't see the need to. We didn't break up on bad terms so to speak it was mostly unexpected and then weeks after that became more traumatic cause to this day he never given me a reason why.

Oh I totally am glad he isn't in my life. Not that i am Intentionally comparing relationships but I can see in my new relationship what I was missing out on as well as realising how much I was gaslighted and possibly groomed by my previous one.
I don't know perhaps because I got into my new relationship first he wanted to make a big statement about it. He's very much a wants to make people in the known about his life cause of how popular he is. Not entirely sure. It was just odd he chose the exact same date he broke up with me 2 years ago to do so surely thats a bit strange. He could of picked any other day to do it

RenP · October 2022

Hey @Willow

Yeah it can be a harsh realisation how people can change/not be the person they once were but this may also be your perspective changing on them because you are at a different point in your life.

Is this something you are wanting to speak to him about or no? How does the idea of blocking him sit with you?

Very glad to hear your new relationship is a lot healthier!

Take care

AislingDM · October 2022

I certainly agree @Willow , I think not only are the actions in and of themselves disappointing and frustrating, but also what they reflect about the person he actually is. Accepting that someone you have known for years is capable of being so petty is definitely a moment worth venting about.

Especially because, as you say, he is older, and so it is only natural to believe that he would somehow demonstrate a higher degree of maturity. And, frustratingly, it can make you reconsider the actual relationship itself, which means you can't be left with many of the happy memories, because it's almost like he is tainting the good experiences that you had by doing this. It's no wonder you're just looking for a space to vent

Willow · October 2022

Hi @RenP and @AislingDM

Thanks for your messages and support.

This isn't something I want to discuss with him however I never blocked him before cause it just hasn't been that nessassary however perhaps it is now.

fiona333 · October 2022

Hi @Willow i have seen you have already been given some great advice and support, which I can only re-emphasise. I think blocking him may be a good idea, since it seems you have learnt a lot about experience with him and have moved on. You gain nothing from having him in your life. I understand you still may have questions and not gained full closure, as you said you never blocked him before because it wasn’t necessary, it may have seemed excessive. But the decision to block him is ultimately yours. It’s a choice and the power is yours.

I’m glad you found this place to vent, keep us in the loop if you wish. ❤️

Petty Ex

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