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All a set up to be SA
lucy006
Posts: 2 Newbie
Ok so warning this could be triggering. So a few weeks back. So this is hard to explain but I was set up for someone to rape me. The guy involved swore he genuinely thought it was a fantasy and showed me proof... someone has set up a fake account if me on a meet up website. I was invited by my friends group (a group of my college friends.) to a party. During the party a male friend said he needed to talk to me in private. Given we were friends I thought nothing of it. Once alone he immediately got aggressive and forced himself on me. I kept begging him to stop but he carried on. After a little while he stopped and said something strange “I’m not sure I’m so comfortable with this, you seem genuinely terrified.” I screamed I didn’t know what the fuck he was on about! He then said “You didn’t use the safety word but something seems off, are you still sure about this?”
I again screamed at him that I didn’t know what he was on about. And got out as soon as I could. He later texted me and explained he was confused as I’d asked him for a rape fantasy and that me try to stop him was part of the role play. I probably shouldn’t have replied but I did and told him that I’d never ever do such a thing. He sent me a screenshot of a profile that looked like it belonged to me, it had my details and photos. He then sent me a screenshot of messages where whoever it was said that I had been in love with him but was shy to admit I was into rape fantasy. They has set up a safety word incase I changed my mind and whoever was pretending to be me said that the more I fought back it meant to keep going.
It was all fake and an obvious set up. But now has lead to me being sexually assaulted by someone who honestly thought it was all consensual and part of the role play.
I don’t know what to do, this must have been someone I knew. Does this still count as rape if he made an honest mistake? And when he sensed something was wrong stopped to check. He is so shook by this as am I. He has been taking this pretty harshly and is blaming himself. I’ve noticed he is mentally struggling, he’s missed a lot of college and when he has attended has avoided me and become upset if he sees me.
I don’t know how to feel, part of me feels resentful of him but more of whoever set this up. But part of me feels sorry for him. I can’t tell anyone I don’t want people to think he’s a rapist because he’s not.. is he?
I’m so confused and don’t know what to do
I again screamed at him that I didn’t know what he was on about. And got out as soon as I could. He later texted me and explained he was confused as I’d asked him for a rape fantasy and that me try to stop him was part of the role play. I probably shouldn’t have replied but I did and told him that I’d never ever do such a thing. He sent me a screenshot of a profile that looked like it belonged to me, it had my details and photos. He then sent me a screenshot of messages where whoever it was said that I had been in love with him but was shy to admit I was into rape fantasy. They has set up a safety word incase I changed my mind and whoever was pretending to be me said that the more I fought back it meant to keep going.
It was all fake and an obvious set up. But now has lead to me being sexually assaulted by someone who honestly thought it was all consensual and part of the role play.
I don’t know what to do, this must have been someone I knew. Does this still count as rape if he made an honest mistake? And when he sensed something was wrong stopped to check. He is so shook by this as am I. He has been taking this pretty harshly and is blaming himself. I’ve noticed he is mentally struggling, he’s missed a lot of college and when he has attended has avoided me and become upset if he sees me.
I don’t know how to feel, part of me feels resentful of him but more of whoever set this up. But part of me feels sorry for him. I can’t tell anyone I don’t want people to think he’s a rapist because he’s not.. is he?
I’m so confused and don’t know what to do
2
Comments
trigger warning: sexual abuse
no pressure if you don't want to, because for full disclosure when I was SA'd i never told anybody, but if it was what you wanted (and it is always your choice in in your control!) you could go to the police about this and we'd all support you through that or if you didn't too - hopefully you'd get the safety and justice you deserve, and maybe other future SA survivors of either him or this other account if they are a seperate person
if you don't want anyone to know though, and that's always your own choice, you could still always use counselling services with either the NHS or with your uni if it has one, and they're bound to confidentiality - but looking after yourself is the most important thing
how are you feeling? it's okay to need support with this, it's horrible this has happened to you and you deserve much much better of people
take care
Hey Lucy,
I am so so sorry you are having to go through this, @Owl has said pretty much everything I would suggest, but have you got any support around you? Have you ever heard of Women's Aid? It's for girls/women who have been through abuse, and it's confidential unless they are worried about you, I only know that because my girlfriend has been through that you can contact them by phone and webchat here's a link https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Sending you all my love
Brandon
@Owl & @awesomeminecraft6789 have offered some lovely support with some great places you can reach out to for support such as Women's Aid, the NHS and counselling services at your college.
Do you feel comfortable sharing the meet up website with us? We can try and help you find ways to report it and see if there are options to find out who set it up. Hopefully there are some options there to help you
Rape Crisis offers support online, over the phone, or in person. The team there are lovely and will always listen and support you.
They also have an article over on their website with information about getting help and support if you've experienced rape.
I know you also mentioned feeling unsure about whether or not this was rape. We have a great article at The Mix called 'Was it rape?' that you might find helpful to read through.
There's a similar article over on the NHS website too and has more support options if that's something you wanted to look into.
Keep us updated with how you're feeling, we're always a message away
@Owl I never thought about that if I’m honest. Maybe he might have but I don’t know why he’d want to hurt me, we’ve been friends for a long time and are more like brother and sister. Then again I don’t know why he didn’t try to bring it up in person. He knows me well enough or so I thought he did to know I’m not into that type of stuff. I guess I’m doing ok I’m feeling numb more than anything. I’m so sorry you have been SA’d no one should ever go through that. I don’t know if I’m ready to go to the police or not yet although it may be too late now I’ve showered n stuff.
@awesomeminecraft6789 I have heard of those services but never used them, I’m going to take a look at them. I’m so sorry to hear about you’re girlfriend if it’s any help may I recommend looking at RAAIN
@Aife the mix users are so supporting they are lovely. Thank you I guess it’s easier here because you don’t actually know my true identity however for this reason I’m feeling unsure about sharing the site it was on as I’m worried it will give my identity away. My friend (the one involved) has reported that profile to the support people on the website and it has been taken down. He said he would save the screenshots in case we want go to police. I will take a look at those articles too thank you.
@AislingDM you people here at the mix are lovely so thank you too. Your words of support mean a lot and it’s nice to have a space where no one has to know my identity
we're always here for you for anything!! take care, look after yourself, and hope things look up from this soon!