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My story
Leila
Posts: 2,064 Boards Champion
So often at times I've felt like I've had to pressure myself into being okay which felt really bad for me as I knew in myself I wasn't okay.
My boyfriend tries to comfort me during times I feel lost or out of control, e.g at night. I find things that trigger me are watching things that make me cry.
I've just managed to pull through a 5 month long in and out of hospital stay, it has felt like forever it really has, I've been seeing my therapist and having regular sessions to help me talk about ways to control my darkest thoughts, especially thoughts that may cause harm to me or others.
My life has been a battle but I am thankful I an here today, I feel like with support I can start to see the rainbow unfold from the darkness.
Of course I get days when I self harm because of dates that have had a impact on me, like when I got raped when I know that date is coming up it makes me hate myself and that's when I spiral into this darkness I really don't want to be.
I never thought I'd be here today, I was so adiment I wasn't surviving but I have and that's a massive goal I've achieved and even with depression, anxiety, eating disorder, etc I have managed to almost pull through obviously I am not fully okay but I am trying my best to help myself but also others.
If you read this don't give up, there's so much to see, you may feel like you're in a hole with no way out but, your life is precious, you only get one life ❤ your enough to get support keep going!
My boyfriend tries to comfort me during times I feel lost or out of control, e.g at night. I find things that trigger me are watching things that make me cry.
I've just managed to pull through a 5 month long in and out of hospital stay, it has felt like forever it really has, I've been seeing my therapist and having regular sessions to help me talk about ways to control my darkest thoughts, especially thoughts that may cause harm to me or others.
My life has been a battle but I am thankful I an here today, I feel like with support I can start to see the rainbow unfold from the darkness.
Of course I get days when I self harm because of dates that have had a impact on me, like when I got raped when I know that date is coming up it makes me hate myself and that's when I spiral into this darkness I really don't want to be.
I never thought I'd be here today, I was so adiment I wasn't surviving but I have and that's a massive goal I've achieved and even with depression, anxiety, eating disorder, etc I have managed to almost pull through obviously I am not fully okay but I am trying my best to help myself but also others.
If you read this don't give up, there's so much to see, you may feel like you're in a hole with no way out but, your life is precious, you only get one life ❤ your enough to get support keep going!
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Comments
Just got self harm urges
It sounds really difficult that at times you've felt like you've had to pressure yourself into being okay. It is understandable that you have found this experience difficult though, especially when you have had dark thoughts, struggled with dates that have had an impact on you and got raped. All of this along with depression, anxiety and eating disorder, etc.
It is really positive that you have recognised this has felt bad for you as you knew in yourself you weren't okay, you have the comfort of your boyfriend and you recognise some of your triggers. For example, watching things that make you cry.
When you say you felt lost or out of control, e.g., at night, would you like to tell us more about what this looks like for you? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us.
You have done really well and shown a lot of strength by pulling through a 5 month long in and out of hospital stay. I am hearing that some things which have helped you with this include seeing your therapist and having regular sessions to help you talk about ways to control your darkest thoughts, especially thoughts that may cause harm to you or others. The rainbow unfolding from the darkness analogy is really powerful.
Thank you for wanting to help others. It is people like you who make our community the supportive and friendly space it is. Please remember that we are here for you too though. On that note, some support you might find useful includes:
Additionally, I am just wondering if you have managed to talk to anyone about depression, anxiety, eating disorder and dates you find difficult, such as when you were raped? Please do let us know if you would like further support with any of this, we are here for you. If you are looking for support with this, one resource you might useful is Rape Crisis. You are in control of the next steps.
Please keep us up to date with how you are feeling, we are all here for you
This message is beautiful thank you Laura. I have spoken to my therapist about this and I feel better letting someone know that when I'm low things trigger that.
Leila