What if…

One-in-a-million · March 2022

So I’ve got my next counselling appointment tomorrow. We will be going from where I’ve left off as we were talking about things in my past they may have lead to the way I feel now.

Some of the things that I’m about to bring up I’m worried about because I know that others have said it’s not s big deal and I’m worried she may think the same although I know she won’t actually say so.

The other thing I’m worried about is that she may not actually believe me, for instance the same type of thing has happened more than once, and it’s like well why would it happen more than once especially with different people?

While it’s not one isolated incident that has led me to feel a certain way it’s these incidents that had taken place as a whole that has caused it, which is why I want to tell her but I have my concerns

AislingDM · March 2022

I think these worries are beyond understandable, truly. The fear that people will invalidate or misunderstand is always a terrifying one and it's even scarier when you know the person 'can't' tell you their honest opinion! One really important thing to remember is, regardless of what others think, you know how this has impacted you and how it is a big deal, no matter what anyone else might say. And secondly, I genuinely think there is no harm in being as brave and honest as you have been here in this post (if you feel able to). Sometimes people don't understand the gravity of a situation on another person until it is spelled out for them clearly, so maybe it'd be cool to say 'I know some people might not think X is a big deal, but for me it left me feeling ....' and 'I'm a bit worried you might think I'm making this up because of how many times this has happened and I just wanted to put that out there because it's making me quite anxious about this session' because that reminds the counsellor not to get lost in their own biases (which as you say, hopefully they would be trying to avoid any way). I know these are pretty tough statements to make, so no pressure on that Either way, it's immense that you're going to this appointment, so huge well done. I'm really proud of you for this seriously

One-in-a-million · March 2022

Thank you, honestly she seems really nice and when I’ve sat with my thoughts I think a lot of it comes from not being taken seriously in the past where people have brushed things off or not listened. It’s just trying to over come those thoughts of what others have reacted like vs how I felt

Lucy307 · March 2022

Hi @One-in-a-million how did it go?
Completely agree with what Aisling already said, just hope you are able to be completely honest with your counsellor. Remember she is in that profession for a reason, will care and want you to be honest 💜
And if you didn’t this time, that’s ok too, can take a few sessions to build the trust that you need. Sending hugs 🤗

One-in-a-million · March 2022

Thanks @Lucy307 in the end I didn’t say anything but as my next session is face to face maybe I’ll feel a little more comfortable. It’s actually interesting to see how the pick up on things in a way we don’t realise and she said she noticed a reoccurring word I tended to bring up when telling her about the way people reacted when I spoke out about these situations when they happened which was “ feeling dismissed.” Apparently it’s something I kept mentioning when she asked “how did you feel when … after talk to … about it.”

Which was something I hadn’t realised I kept bringing up but is probably why I don’t tend to talk about what’s bothering me much anymore.

AislingDM · April 2022

That makes so much sense, honestly @One-in-a-million ! When you get repeatedly dismissed by professionals on the regular, it's hardly like you're going to feel like the most open book! I'm glad things went quite well, can I ask how the face-to-face went?

Also, such an insightful point, sometimes it's not until an objective person points out that we keep bringing up a point do we realise that it's had a really strong impact on us and left an imprint in our minds and emotions. I think it's really awesome that you felt able to bring it up then and it's definitely not a bother to hear about something that has caused you so much pain. It's not exactly like one quick convo can fix most distressing situations, so well done for still being courageous in talking about it despite worrying.

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