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Still hurting
awesomeminecraft6789
Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys
As you can see from the title I am very much still hurting and I'm not sure what it is anymore I just feel empty and it's Annoying because I really thought I was getting better these discussions and threads I do help a little but idk It just feels stupid I know we're human and emotions are natural things especially if you're hurting but nothing I try seems to be working so imagine right? I could be talking normally or just doing normal things I usually do every day this happens btw and all of a sudden I just go like I'm still there but part of me isn't and I don't know if that's the sign of something more than depression coming up? Idk it just feels odd and then I feel out of place as in I shouldn't be in that room or whatever or if it's the sign of another meltdown or breakdown? I can't be sure
Also I've noticed my appetite is decreasing and I have read somewhere that depression can do that to you but it's just awful cause like on Christmas Day we had Christmas dinner as we usually do but I hardly touched It I also got a taste of alcohol at 17 I guess but it was at Christmas so it's a special occasion dont worry Im fine I've decided only to have drinks during birthdays or Christmas it's probably better that way but defo only like one drink only one Everyone has been asking are you ok when they see me looking down and half the time I say no because I'm not half of the time but I've got friends who do entertain me with unfortunate jokes let's say that much lol so I do still laugh and sometimes it eases the pain away so that's good also I got one of the best presents on Christmas this year it's one that I've wanted for ages so that also took some of the pain away but hey at least it's the end of the year just hoping I forget about what's happened this year because that's one of the few things that aren't making me happy because I keep blaming myself for it although it probably was cause I do suck at a lot of things and that was one of them unfortunately ive learned the hard way that things don't last but I sort of hoped it would but you know thats the way It is unfortunately
I think I've mentioned this before but I have a best friend whose girls one of the people in my class well we're all in the same class but anyway I believe it was two weeks ago that me and him were just play fighting and she stepped in to stop it before anyone got hurt and even if we do hurt each other we still do it she was just trying to protect her man innit but then I snapped at her I didn't shout thankfully but I did get annoyed and then I felt like a monster because she's my friend and I wasn't happy anyway and I did that thankfully it got resolved and were cool now just had a little hug it made me feel better about it I still feel bad about it tho
Also one of my other exes came back from a holiday and we haven't talked I've tried to steer clear from her but when I do see her I'm reminded of why I'm not happy Which is because of a break up and since that other ex was part of the reason which is she was being bitchy to me and it affected me I kept thinking about it I wasn't talking to the one I was with then and this is the result it's not fun being reminded of why your depressed and I'm trying to resent that feeling it's not easy and it's not fun either but at least things have been sorted out because when all this happened I was literally planning on leaving the school because I didn't want to deal with that you know what I mean? Also during the break up I couldn't stand to be around her made obvious by the way I treated her during that time which wasn't very nicely I'll say that much but In my mind she deserved it she even said afterwards that she did so that makes me feeling better but I can stand being in the same room with her now at least because everything is worked out and I apologized so that is great I guess
I'm just hoping for a better year next year for you guys as well especially you guys I hope next year is a better for all of you
If I don't post anything tomorrow
See you in 2022!
As you can see from the title I am very much still hurting and I'm not sure what it is anymore I just feel empty and it's Annoying because I really thought I was getting better these discussions and threads I do help a little but idk It just feels stupid I know we're human and emotions are natural things especially if you're hurting but nothing I try seems to be working so imagine right? I could be talking normally or just doing normal things I usually do every day this happens btw and all of a sudden I just go like I'm still there but part of me isn't and I don't know if that's the sign of something more than depression coming up? Idk it just feels odd and then I feel out of place as in I shouldn't be in that room or whatever or if it's the sign of another meltdown or breakdown? I can't be sure
Also I've noticed my appetite is decreasing and I have read somewhere that depression can do that to you but it's just awful cause like on Christmas Day we had Christmas dinner as we usually do but I hardly touched It I also got a taste of alcohol at 17 I guess but it was at Christmas so it's a special occasion dont worry Im fine I've decided only to have drinks during birthdays or Christmas it's probably better that way but defo only like one drink only one Everyone has been asking are you ok when they see me looking down and half the time I say no because I'm not half of the time but I've got friends who do entertain me with unfortunate jokes let's say that much lol so I do still laugh and sometimes it eases the pain away so that's good also I got one of the best presents on Christmas this year it's one that I've wanted for ages so that also took some of the pain away but hey at least it's the end of the year just hoping I forget about what's happened this year because that's one of the few things that aren't making me happy because I keep blaming myself for it although it probably was cause I do suck at a lot of things and that was one of them unfortunately ive learned the hard way that things don't last but I sort of hoped it would but you know thats the way It is unfortunately
I think I've mentioned this before but I have a best friend whose girls one of the people in my class well we're all in the same class but anyway I believe it was two weeks ago that me and him were just play fighting and she stepped in to stop it before anyone got hurt and even if we do hurt each other we still do it she was just trying to protect her man innit but then I snapped at her I didn't shout thankfully but I did get annoyed and then I felt like a monster because she's my friend and I wasn't happy anyway and I did that thankfully it got resolved and were cool now just had a little hug it made me feel better about it I still feel bad about it tho
Also one of my other exes came back from a holiday and we haven't talked I've tried to steer clear from her but when I do see her I'm reminded of why I'm not happy Which is because of a break up and since that other ex was part of the reason which is she was being bitchy to me and it affected me I kept thinking about it I wasn't talking to the one I was with then and this is the result it's not fun being reminded of why your depressed and I'm trying to resent that feeling it's not easy and it's not fun either but at least things have been sorted out because when all this happened I was literally planning on leaving the school because I didn't want to deal with that you know what I mean? Also during the break up I couldn't stand to be around her made obvious by the way I treated her during that time which wasn't very nicely I'll say that much but In my mind she deserved it she even said afterwards that she did so that makes me feeling better but I can stand being in the same room with her now at least because everything is worked out and I apologized so that is great I guess
I'm just hoping for a better year next year for you guys as well especially you guys I hope next year is a better for all of you
If I don't post anything tomorrow
See you in 2022!
4
Comments
Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling with your depression, friends, and ex-partner. I can understand why these difficult situations may have made you feel upset and frustrated.
Are you receiving support for your depression? For example, from your GP? Mind also has some useful information about managing your depression. If you are interested in exploring this resource, you can find it at https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/self-care/.
I am really glad to hear you have made up with your friend. Friends mean a lot to us so it can be difficult when we fall out with them no matter how long for. Please try not to feel guilty, it just sounds like you are also friends with your friend's partner and the play fighting may have been misinterpreted. I'm sure both of your friends know you wouldn't do anything to hurt either of them (at least not deliberately!).
This is similar to your experience with your ex-partner. Breakups can be really difficult but I'm glad you are at least civil with your ex-partner now. It would seem being civil with your ex-partner has made you feel more comfortable with going to school which is great to hear.
In time, you can explore your emotions and hopefully find strategies that uplift you. I have noticed that you have mentioned in your post that you find your friends, forgiveness, and hugs helpful.
Also, would you like to tell us more about the Christmas gift you received? I have noticed this is something which seems really valuable to you and exciting!
Happy new year and see you in 2022
Thank you for reaching out here on the boards, it’s a really brave thing to do and isn’t always the easiest so well done
It seems that there is lot going on for you at the moment, and the ways that you are feeling and completely okay and valid! And it’s a safe space here too talk
@Laura_tigger82 had some fab suggestions! Mind has some fab resources and young minds has some good information too
Do you have any techniques on how to ground yourself when you are feeling odd? , sometimes grounding techniques like breathing exercises, sensory items etc can be helpful in grounding, bringing you back too the present time and allowing you to become in touch with your body again.
How has your start of the new year being so far?
Jade
To answer your question @Laura_tigger82 I haven't really talked to anyone about my feelings to be fair cause one of my defects is that I just let everything build up and hold those feelings and when people tell me to tell someone I brush it off because I really don't trust people that much where I feel comfortable opening up so I'll be like nah I'll just try and fix it myself and sometimes I don't try and then I feel worse about it like everything that I've mentioned I was so frustrated and angry at myself for everything sucky that's happened in my life like the two break ups I still blame myself for both of them Eve though the second wasn't just mine but in my head that's how I see it I think that'll cause tons of problems In my dating life because my most recent one were together I think but I Keep bringing up my recent ex and it annoys her because I'm sure the last thing anyone wants to hear about while dating is previous exes so I try and keep that away from her so I don't screw up another one but the problem is I still have feelings for that ex there not as big as they used to be but their still there and thats what bothers me most because how much it affected me what happened after we broke up and I still have feelings for her? It feels wrong everyone says it's ok that I have feelings for her but it still feels wrong
Oh also my Christmas gift? It was a Nintendo switch I was so excited when I got it because I've wanted it for ages and now I own one sorry I ain't bragging about it I'm just still over the moon that I own one it feels weird but also good it's a feeling I don't know how to describe honestly I feel like a kid again although I'm seventeen going on eighteen on the 27th of this month it's kinda scary lol gonna become an adult with all of those advantages and disadvantages I'm not sure if I'm ready lol
And Also @Jade09 No I don't really have any techniques really I'm a very chill person when I'm not stressing or depressed so I just take it as it is Tbh lol I could try some of those techniques you mentioned maybe they'll help or maybe music or meditation will help? Ok maybe not meditation because I don't know why but I find people who meditate creepy or weird meditation to me is like you guys ever had of like ASMR? It's like those weird ASMR videos were people who roleplay with it I just find it strange and I watch ghost stories and stuff that would be labelled creepy or strange or grotesque but that's what it's like to me and I don't usually find horror creepy I guess normal things are like a horror flick to me lol sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent there but I think you get what I mean
It is great to hear from you. Thanks for your response. How have you been more recently?
I think it is too easy to let everything bottle up and not tell people. As you said, this often happens when you are unable to trust people. Has someone let you down before when you needed them? I am really glad to hear you feel able to trust us at least.
I am wondering if you have tried to write about your feelings and experiences? Often we don't need solutions but if we do we can often find them for ourselves through reflection. You have all the inner tools you need.
Unfortunately, no matter what exes have put you through, they were still a big part of you at some point. That means they often stay with you and you often have feelings for them long-term. Feelings do fade with time but you may still have positive memories of when you were together.
Though I understand it may feel wrong if you are with a new partner. I think what's important is that you know where your feelings mainly are and that if you are with someone you don't let your feelings interfere. You can create more positive memories with your new partner.
Oh, a Nintendo Switch sounds great fun! In fact, I think they are as I have one too. What are your favourite games?
Tbh with you the only time I've wrote my feelings down is when I wrote that letters post it was just an idea I got randomly but it was nice to do something like that for myself and treat myself to like letting who I truly am inside come out this is like a comfort space for me so when I'm feeling down I write sometimes concerning posts and to answer your first question I've been ok recently kind of, because I still have these episodes where I'll be feeling Fine And then I just shut down I don't what it is metaphorically speaking of course I just shut down and get depressed and it annoys me because I'm trying to get better but with these episodes it's not helping but I've been trying to take my mind off it by like reading books or listening to music and it kind of helps I guess? I'm not sure anymore Tbh with you
And that's cool that you have a switch I can definitely agree with you that it's fun I don't really have a good game that I'd call fun actually there a lie I love mario kart 8 deluxe all though it's not as fun when you Win every game considering the only other one I've played Is Mario kart DS if you remember the DS I used to love playing that even though I prefer sonic over mario lol although I think I should give it a chance maybe I'd like mario too? I don't know but if you guys can recommend Any Mario games for the switch I'll be sure to look into it!
I think you should be proud that you are able to recognise what could help you and you take action to try and feel better. I think that's incredible as too often we know what helps us but we forget to do it.
If you ever want to talk about the depressive episodes or what contributes to these then please feel free, we are here for you and are listening to you.
It is another of those things that I like to see as happening in waves though. You may not always know why it's happening but you are tougher than the tough times and it will get easier and more manageable.
The only Mario game I can recommend for the Nintendo Switch is Mario Karts. Though, I always used to really enjoy playing the original Mario on Nintendo DS. I wonder if there's something similar for the Nintendo Switch