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Lost all Motivation to do anything anymore 🙁
awesomeminecraft6789
Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys
As you can see from the title I'm feeling emotionally drained to the point where my mind has gone dead again I've lost all Motivation to do anything I hardly talk to friends anymore and I just don't have the energy to go back to school tomorrow why am I feeling this way you ask well my mind has been centered on this break up so much so that I keep blaming myself for it and then I had this sudden revelation it's BECAUSE of that girl that I keep blaming myself and it wasn't even my fault it wasn't that bad a break up it was because I'm not really a big talker cause of past trauma from people who used to bully me they got to me so bad that I just couldn't trust anyone anymore so I became quiet people say why are you so moody or whatever or in this case what happened happened but people just don't understand the pain I was going through.
Truth is I really loved that girl and now however many years later I still did now I just wished things hadn't been this way that way if we broke up I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you guys practically in tears because I feel like absolute trash at least that girls doing well from what she's posted so that makes one of us at least
And to that girl she knows who she is if she reads this I'm sorry if I've made you feel any kind of guilt because of what happened but it really affected me all our friends can say get over it so can you but considering you told me why it ended I already knew anyway it's generally made me feel a lot worse and I blame myself for It I'm also genuinely thinking about leaving that school I just can't deal with it anymore that doesn't mean I'm going to do something stupid so don't worry it just means I want the pain of being reminded everytime I see her to end
I'm desperately trying to keep strong for my friends and family mainly my mom but I'm just not me anymore I still joke around but in my head Im not me anymore Ive not been sleeping because my mind just won't let me and even when I do it's only through sheer force of will I'm completely different I know I'm being repetitive but I really need to get my feelings out there and you guys are my second choice to go to
I've tried to be happy but I keep losing it my motivation has just completely died but I'm still glad I'm here even if it is just barely
I'm sorry if this triggers you guys but I've just had enough of being like this
As you can see from the title I'm feeling emotionally drained to the point where my mind has gone dead again I've lost all Motivation to do anything I hardly talk to friends anymore and I just don't have the energy to go back to school tomorrow why am I feeling this way you ask well my mind has been centered on this break up so much so that I keep blaming myself for it and then I had this sudden revelation it's BECAUSE of that girl that I keep blaming myself and it wasn't even my fault it wasn't that bad a break up it was because I'm not really a big talker cause of past trauma from people who used to bully me they got to me so bad that I just couldn't trust anyone anymore so I became quiet people say why are you so moody or whatever or in this case what happened happened but people just don't understand the pain I was going through.
Truth is I really loved that girl and now however many years later I still did now I just wished things hadn't been this way that way if we broke up I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you guys practically in tears because I feel like absolute trash at least that girls doing well from what she's posted so that makes one of us at least
And to that girl she knows who she is if she reads this I'm sorry if I've made you feel any kind of guilt because of what happened but it really affected me all our friends can say get over it so can you but considering you told me why it ended I already knew anyway it's generally made me feel a lot worse and I blame myself for It I'm also genuinely thinking about leaving that school I just can't deal with it anymore that doesn't mean I'm going to do something stupid so don't worry it just means I want the pain of being reminded everytime I see her to end
I'm desperately trying to keep strong for my friends and family mainly my mom but I'm just not me anymore I still joke around but in my head Im not me anymore Ive not been sleeping because my mind just won't let me and even when I do it's only through sheer force of will I'm completely different I know I'm being repetitive but I really need to get my feelings out there and you guys are my second choice to go to
I've tried to be happy but I keep losing it my motivation has just completely died but I'm still glad I'm here even if it is just barely
I'm sorry if this triggers you guys but I've just had enough of being like this
2
Comments
I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I can hear the pain you are going through and am sending you massive hugs. I’ve had a few bouts of feeling like I’ve lost motivation too, so can relate to part of how you are feeling. I found that talking to someone I trust sometimes helps, but sometimes just going out and doing something I know I will enjoy, on my own (like a walk or listening to good music) will too. I don’t know whether you have tried either of these things, I know they are basic but in case they help you too.
It sounds like you are having some conflicting feelings around your ex, because you do blame yourself for what happened sometimes, but also know in your heart that it wasn’t your fault? Am I understanding that right? How likely is it that you will see her at school?
Take good care
Lucy
Yes you are understanding it right but it's probably very likely I will see her because we're in the same class it doesn't make it any easier
I noticed that you say that you try to be happy but keep losing motivation to be happy. But I really do agree with @Lucy307 that talking about your feelings to someone you trust might help.
You went through a break up. You blamed yourself and you have previous trauma from being bullied about being quiet which makes you feel less inclined to open up to others. That's a lot to be dealing with!
Break ups and trauma can take a while to recover from and start feeling more like your 'normal self. When we hide our feelings and try to carry on, be strong and be happy, we may make things worse for ourselves in the long run as others might think we are okay, when truthfully, we aren't.
Sometimes the first step to actually recovering from feeling depressed, is actually admitting to ourselves and others that we are feeling this way. It won't cure how we feel, but it can be comforting to know that people who love and care for us now know how we feel and can check in on us, offer comfort and support. This is especially helpful for when we face reminders.
Speaking of which, since you are likely to see your ex at school, and it may not be entirely possible to change classes or schools, you may have moments where you are reminded of the break up and that it may hurt that your ex may seem less affected than you. Having people in your life that know about the break up and how you feel can help, as they can offer encouragement and ways to deal with reminders.
You might find it helpful to focus more on yourself and less on your ex. This might mean removing the temptation of looking up your ex on social media (maybe you can unfollow/unfriend/block your ex)? You might also want to think of things that interest you and that you enjoy doing to help you gain more motivation and to take your mind off your ex. While you can't go back and change the past, you can look forward to a new future. Take up a new hobby or interest, learn something new, spend time developing yourself and don't forget to spend time with your friends and family- people who already love and care for you.
Hope this helps a bit
I do Agree with you you and Lucy but when I posted this I was really low and exhausted and drained because that new surge of anger was something I haven't experienced before and when I realized I was wasting my time focusing on back then blaming myself every night because it was just there and so All those months of misspent sleep finally caught up to me and I just felt like excuse my language but really shitty you know what I mean?
Update on the situation with my ex though so since the break up we haven't really spoke and she blocked me on a lot of her social media so like Snapchat or tik tok I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and be friends with her but on my terms I didn't say the my terms thing to her but yesterday was my first day back and we weren't talking tho I think she's saying stuff behind my back not bad stuff obviously but about how she thinks I'm not over it at this point I am since I'm with someone else now and their making me happy again but I think its because of this post that makes her think that and I'm cool with that if it keeps me away from her and thinking about it then I'll do anything