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Getting more suicidal
Siena
Posts: 15,505 Skive's The Limit
:’(. What’s the point anymore. I’m anxious around people, it’s not fun. Nothing is enjoyable. My mind is just on constant overload or on edge. I make no difference to anyone’s life. It’s all pointless. Wherever I go I feel like the least important person there. Like it wouldn’t make any difference if I was there. Im just a boring shy person who would easily slip away and no one would notice
I don’t really have anything going for me. And what is the point everyone’s going to be dead and no one will remember me after a certain point. Like nothing ever happened. Why bother. I just don’t really see the point.
When ever someone asks me how I am. I don’t think anyone truly care. Not even my twin sister. So why bother when no one gives a shit anyway. Clearly won’t care if I’m gone
Why carry on feeling so much pain in my chest for sadness when I could just end it all for good.
I have a way I would do it that I’ve never tried before. Just a simple fast way that will probably be painless cause it will be so fast and I can’t stop thinking about doing it:(
I don’t really have anything going for me. And what is the point everyone’s going to be dead and no one will remember me after a certain point. Like nothing ever happened. Why bother. I just don’t really see the point.
When ever someone asks me how I am. I don’t think anyone truly care. Not even my twin sister. So why bother when no one gives a shit anyway. Clearly won’t care if I’m gone
Why carry on feeling so much pain in my chest for sadness when I could just end it all for good.
I have a way I would do it that I’ve never tried before. Just a simple fast way that will probably be painless cause it will be so fast and I can’t stop thinking about doing it:(
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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Comments
I'm sorry you're going through a really difficult time.
Do you want to talk about it?
I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you matter and you do make a difference, and I’m sure I speak for many people when I say that.
Here if you need to chat, keep using this thread and the other threads as much as you need to to reach out
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like this and going through such a tough time
You are brave for not acting on your thoughts, and you should be proud of yourself for that, it shows that you are a strong person. I know how hard it can be feeling like you have nothing going for you and that the future will not get better - but please know that you do, and it will! Please stick with it - one day you will be able to reflect on your strength and progress - and know how much people value you
You are part of so many people's lives and you've helped people in this community. Please know that you are valued and make a positive impact on so many lives
You've been through and are going through a great deal, and don't underestimate how much it takes to be here, be talking to people, be holding down a job, and sometimes even be alive despite all that. It might not feel like it, but you're doing well. Every day you get up, you're doing well.
I really hear how intense those thoughts are - those voices that say nobody would care if you were gone, that you're not important, or that things will never get better. It can be so difficult to stand up to those voices and find a clear perspective when you're in the middle of it all, and it's understandable if it starts to feel like they're telling the truth. But they're not, and we're here to remind you of that. Case and point:
^^^ x100
If you're at breaking point @Shaunie, I would really encourage you to reach out to crisis services if you haven't already. I know you know them, but here are they are to save you some clicks:
Do you have a safety plan? Something like this: https://stayingsafe.net/ST/
It might not feel like there's a way out right now. Sometimes you need to take twists and turns to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes that takes a long time. But it is there, and you're absolutely capable of finding it with the right support. Just like everyone here.
Do you think you could speak to someone about this? Whether it be a loved one or a counsellor? Sometimes the first baby step is just admitting that you need help, and it can be difficult to even admit that sometimes.
I'm so proud of you for reaching out here and telling us all how you feel, and I really encourage you to talk to somebody in your personal life if you can, but we're always here for you at The Mix
I really wish you well and hope you feel better in the near future
I am so sorry that you are feeling this low, it sounds like you are having a really hard time. I know it is hard to picture a future now and it feels as though that the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
But you are important, I’m sure everyone here at The Mix would agree! The world might have dealt you a really bad hand, but the only way from rock bottom is up (cliché I know but it’s true).
Future you will be so grateful that you gave them a chance by fighting on now. Baby steps are okay, you don’t have to work it all now. You are already winning by reaching out to us, that was very brave.
@LorryTruck couldn’t have worded it better we all value you and would hate to not hear from you again ❤️
Big hugs,
Jaz
Also remember you have to have bad days to have 10x better good/amazing days
Sending big hugs we love you!💓💓
You are an amazing person and you have achieved so much - just from a few conversations before I know you aced your peer support training and recognise that you have grown into such a lovely, supportive and valued member here. You just have to look at a few of the messages above to see that. 💜
We genuinely care about you and are here for you if and when you want to talk more. You are worthy of support, you are worthy of being in this world even if you need to take it one day (or one hour) at a time.
It’s all I can think about atm. It’s too much. I just keep acting it out in my head.
As the days go on the urges get stronger and stronger and i don’t know how it’s possible
Siblings go through times where they are closer and more distant, I can assure you that is completely normal, I have two little sisters myself.
Have you tried talking to your twin sister about how alone you feel?
But please remember you are cared about and it would effect everyone here if we weren't to hear from you again
If you feel like it is too overwhelming don't forger there are numbers you can call for free, people who will talk to you as long as you need like the Samaritans: 116123
I would love to hear back from you soon, people do care
sending you big hugs,
Jaz
It's been a few days, so I thought I would check in to see how you are feeling today?
Sending you hugs,
Jaz
I have very good news
I have been referred to the mental health team for them to do an assessment on how my tonsils are affecting me mentally and they seem pretty positive that I could be getting them removed 🙂
Sending lots of hugs , I’m really happy for you and I hope it all goes well
mod edit: removed triggering content
When I was going through a phase this song brought me a lot of comfort and now it is one of my favs. I hope it does the same for you.
The song: King by Lauren Aquilina
I'm sorry you're feeling like this and the last few days have been especially tough.
I've been a very similar situation to you many times, and felt like no one cared about me at all. But someone does. All it takes is one person. And everyone on the boards here really love you and appreciate you!
But it does get better. And you won't feel this way forever. Emotions and feelings do pass. I know everyone says it and it's hard to believe. So I think giving yourself time to see how you feel is important. You never know what the next day/hour will bring.
It's been a few days since you posted this. How are you feeling now?
I’m sorry to hear a lot of people feeling the same
Since I last posted I had my mental health assessment about my tonsils. My gp said it was to see if I do actually need them removing because of my mental health and while she agreed that it’s really affecting me she said It’s unlikely I’d get them removed. When my gp said it’s likely so who do I believe. I felt like the whole thing was a test and I didn’t really like it. I kept crying and was out in public cause I didn’t want the phone call at home. It was hard to speak when most of the time I was choking up and trying not to cry can’t speak at the same time
Also little incident at work. And offered to speak to someone regularly about how I’m feeling. They will call me to the office to have a little chat which is very nice of them
I feel really fed up.
I still have the appointment with the ENT September but I don’t trust it will happen since it keeps getting moved. But I swear if they say no for my tonsils being removed I will not cope. I will harm myself and be in a&e everyday until they listen.
So am I understanding this right - your GP said it’s likely, but the mental health team you saw said it’s unlikely? That sounds like a really confusing mixed message, and like it was a really tough phone call, particularly to take out in public. Do you have any idea when you will hear back, would you consider talking to your GP again to try and clarify things?
Sounds like someone is looking out for you at work which is lovely, glad to hear this. You deserve to have support and I’m glad this person is giving it to you 😊
I hear you that you’re feeling fed up and I know there isn’t a lot I can say to make this better but just wanted to send hugs and let you know I care. Is there anything you’ve been doing that has given you some respite recently? Did the break from the boards help at all?
Take good care Shaunie
Lucy
Yeah they are very understanding at work. I had another little incident again. But more embarrassing. I couldn’t stop crying so I ask for early break but he asked for a chat instead then I just came out with how I want to die. When I’ve never spoke to him about my mental health. It was embarrassing. I left the store and they went out looking for me as they told me to stay in the training room as they didn’t feel safe letting me leave. They rang my dad to tell them I left abruptly and was concerned about me. This was Wednesday
I had a chat with one of them yesterday. She is a supervisor but in the office supervisor to do with P&CI feel comfortable speaking to her over any of the managers so she is the one I go to speak to now weekly. The manager I told I wanted to die thankfully wasn’t in yesterday I’m scared he is in today as I’m just so embarrassed
Yesterday chat with supervisor had a little chat and made a plan on what will do if happens again. I was like don’t worry it won’t happen again but she was like yeah but it’s likely it will so have to do this. I was like yeah true. They said they’d ring 111. And put me in the training room but lock it from the outside so no one else can come in (but I’d be able to open it from the inside)