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Looking for some guidance(TW-Suicide)

ButterflyBloom12ButterflyBloom12 Posts: 12 Settling in
edited December 2020 in Health & Wellbeing
TW: Suicide

Hi, 
This is my first post on here since having left a different online community. I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of 8 years now (ages 11-19) and as of late my mental state is not doing well. This has nothing to do with lockdown because its the same as my life before. 
    As a little context, I tried to commit suicide late September/early October this year with obviously not the desired outcome. There are only two people who know, my dad and my counsellor, but on the night when i attempted i went to my dad and all he did was go back to sleep and then checked i was still breathing in the morning. We havent spoken about it since. Both my mum and dad have recently just noticed I've been self-harming as they thought i had stopped earlier this year. In reality i never stopped, i just hid it better. 
    So, my current problem is that i want to do it again successfully to the point where its all i think about. I don't feel safe in my own home and I'm wondering what would happen if i told this to my counsellor or if i went to the GP. I'm aware that a hospital stay could be possible and if im being honest that sounds like the best way forward for me. However, the idea that this is supposed to be a happy time leading up to Christmas makes me feel guilty if i do take this route. I've already had multiple nights where its been a struggle to continue and i don't want to not be able to make it through the next one. I'm scared of going to the hospital but I'm even more scared of staying at home for the next week or even days. I don't know what to do anymore and i feel like this is the last thing i have to turn to before i try to take my own life again. 
Post edited by Jordan on
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Comments

  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    Hey it’s very nice to meet you.
    But I’m really sorry to hear how tough everything has been and I don’t really have any advice I just wanted to say we’re always here to listen.  <3

    However, the idea that this is supposed to be a happy time leading up to Christmas makes me feel guilty if i do take this route. 
    I completely understand what you mean but you’re mental well-being is more important than a happy time of the year. You deserve help and it’s not your fault if you need it during a festive period. You need to do what is best for you. 

    I’m not sure what will happen if you open up to your GP but it’s a good idea especially if you believe your life is at risk. You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own and your GP will be able to help you get the support  you need. It’s really good that you’re thinking about reaching out.


    If you ever need someone to talk on those tough nights we’re always happy to listen, and there are some amazing helplines like the mix’s crisis messenger which are very helpful. You’re not alone.  <3

    (I’m sorry if any of this came across rude or patronising) I wish you the best, always happy to listen  :)

    ButterflyBloom12
  • JordanJordan Posts: 340 Super Moderator
    edited December 2020
    Hi @ButterflyBloom12 and welcome to The Mix. I'm Jordan, one of the Super Moderators here on the forums. I know you were concerned about your post potentially triggering people so I've gone ahead and added a trigger warning to your thread title as well as made a minor edit to your post. If you'd still like your post removed, feel free to let me know and I will make sure it's removed. I'm happy that your post falls within the site rules, but the most important thing is that you are comfortable so let me know if you'd like this post removed.

    This post is a bit long so I've gone ahead and given my paragraphs headers so it is easier to navigate.

    Guilt
    You mention that you feel guilty that you are feeling this way in the leadup to Christmas. I think it is important to remember our mental health does not wait. It doesn't care what day, or month, or time it is. It's always there, whether we like it or not. You need to do what is best for you and your health. You mentioned that you feel that a hospital stay might be the best option for you. I think it says a lot about you as a person that you have the insight and confidence to recognise that might be the best option.

    Telling your GP
    You mention that you want to know what happens if you tell your GP. Your GP wants what is best for you and wants to help you in a way that offers you the most choice and freedom over your care. In some situations, your GP might feel that it would be best if you were admitted to hospital, but you are often given the option to yo there yourself. Sectioning, or being sent to hospital against your will, is a last resort. You can read more about what happens if you tell your GP you are feeling suicidal on the Papyrus Site, which I have linked here.

    How to contact your GP & Out of Hours
    I'm not sure when you will read my post, but be assured that help and support is available whenever you need it. You can phone your GP and book an emergency appointment. If it's out of hours for your GP, you can phone 111 who will guide you through finding the support you need.

    Crisis Resources
    I've gone ahead and linked some crisis resources that you are more than welcome to you use if you need to. 

    The Mix run a 24/7 Crisis support line for those aged under 25. If you are in crisis you can text THEMIX to 85258 

    The Mix run a helpline with trained supporters that runs from 3pm to 12am every day. You can contact them on 0808 808 4994

    The Samaritans run a 24/7 helpline that you can phone on 116 123

    Let us know how you are getting on @ButterflyBloom12. You are not alone.
    ButterflyBloom12
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