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Looking for some guidance(TW-Suicide)
Former Member
Posts: 12 Settling in
TW: Suicide
Hi,
This is my first post on here since having left a different online community. I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of 8 years now (ages 11-19) and as of late my mental state is not doing well. This has nothing to do with lockdown because its the same as my life before.
As a little context, I tried to commit suicide late September/early October this year with obviously not the desired outcome. There are only two people who know, my dad and my counsellor, but on the night when i attempted i went to my dad and all he did was go back to sleep and then checked i was still breathing in the morning. We havent spoken about it since. Both my mum and dad have recently just noticed I've been self-harming as they thought i had stopped earlier this year. In reality i never stopped, i just hid it better.
So, my current problem is that i want to do it again successfully to the point where its all i think about. I don't feel safe in my own home and I'm wondering what would happen if i told this to my counsellor or if i went to the GP. I'm aware that a hospital stay could be possible and if im being honest that sounds like the best way forward for me. However, the idea that this is supposed to be a happy time leading up to Christmas makes me feel guilty if i do take this route. I've already had multiple nights where its been a struggle to continue and i don't want to not be able to make it through the next one. I'm scared of going to the hospital but I'm even more scared of staying at home for the next week or even days. I don't know what to do anymore and i feel like this is the last thing i have to turn to before i try to take my own life again.
Hi,
This is my first post on here since having left a different online community. I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of 8 years now (ages 11-19) and as of late my mental state is not doing well. This has nothing to do with lockdown because its the same as my life before.
As a little context, I tried to commit suicide late September/early October this year with obviously not the desired outcome. There are only two people who know, my dad and my counsellor, but on the night when i attempted i went to my dad and all he did was go back to sleep and then checked i was still breathing in the morning. We havent spoken about it since. Both my mum and dad have recently just noticed I've been self-harming as they thought i had stopped earlier this year. In reality i never stopped, i just hid it better.
So, my current problem is that i want to do it again successfully to the point where its all i think about. I don't feel safe in my own home and I'm wondering what would happen if i told this to my counsellor or if i went to the GP. I'm aware that a hospital stay could be possible and if im being honest that sounds like the best way forward for me. However, the idea that this is supposed to be a happy time leading up to Christmas makes me feel guilty if i do take this route. I've already had multiple nights where its been a struggle to continue and i don't want to not be able to make it through the next one. I'm scared of going to the hospital but I'm even more scared of staying at home for the next week or even days. I don't know what to do anymore and i feel like this is the last thing i have to turn to before i try to take my own life again.
Post edited by Former Member on
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Comments
If you ever need someone to talk on those tough nights we’re always happy to listen, and there are some amazing helplines like the mix’s crisis messenger which are very helpful. You’re not alone.
This post is a bit long so I've gone ahead and given my paragraphs headers so it is easier to navigate.
Guilt
You mention that you feel guilty that you are feeling this way in the leadup to Christmas. I think it is important to remember our mental health does not wait. It doesn't care what day, or month, or time it is. It's always there, whether we like it or not. You need to do what is best for you and your health. You mentioned that you feel that a hospital stay might be the best option for you. I think it says a lot about you as a person that you have the insight and confidence to recognise that might be the best option.
Telling your GP
You mention that you want to know what happens if you tell your GP. Your GP wants what is best for you and wants to help you in a way that offers you the most choice and freedom over your care. In some situations, your GP might feel that it would be best if you were admitted to hospital, but you are often given the option to yo there yourself. Sectioning, or being sent to hospital against your will, is a last resort. You can read more about what happens if you tell your GP you are feeling suicidal on the Papyrus Site, which I have linked here.
How to contact your GP & Out of Hours
I'm not sure when you will read my post, but be assured that help and support is available whenever you need it. You can phone your GP and book an emergency appointment. If it's out of hours for your GP, you can phone 111 who will guide you through finding the support you need.
Crisis Resources
I've gone ahead and linked some crisis resources that you are more than welcome to you use if you need to.
The Mix run a 24/7 Crisis support line for those aged under 25. If you are in crisis you can text THEMIX to 85258
The Mix run a helpline with trained supporters that runs from 3pm to 12am every day. You can contact them on 0808 808 4994
The Samaritans run a 24/7 helpline that you can phone on 116 123
Let us know how you are getting on @Past User. You are not alone.