WWYD?

Midmo · July 2020

Incase you don't know - WWYD means what would you do?

My parents are in allot of debt from over-spending on groceries. They owe the electric company thousands of pounds. They can't afford to pay the bills each month and it's mostly because they can't be bothered to cook from scratch. We have to move soon to a much smaller property in a bad area where we will be overcrowded because of their spending habits. They spend allot more than average on groceries (usually atleast £150, and that doesn't even include their smoking habit) and are unwilling to cut out things like snacks and expensive alchohol (for themselves ). They want to reduce their spendings. I realised that they're not accurately documenting how much they earn and are keeping that cash in a safe which I'm pretty sure is illegal and it's how they have the money for this lifestyle. Anyway I have offered to help them reduce their spendings if they agree to this plan;

I'll buy and make food for my sibblings and I from scratch if they give me atleast £40 every ten days (we go shopping every 10 days to reduce the chances of catching the virus). The £40 would buy the groceries and I would spend time choosing these groceries and a few hours each day cooking which I know how to do and afterwards washing the dishes. It would be healthier for my sibblings and I. If there are any savings out of that amount then they would be mine. So I'd be doing allot of hours of work in exchange for not much money at all if any.

They sort of agreed. The thing is, They said that £40 is too much for scratch-cooking and have lowered the amount to £25. This is barely enough in my opinion for a healthy diet. my sibblings have allergies so I can't buy legumes and lentils for them and instead have to buy meat. And I'll definitely get absoloutely no savings out of the amount they're offering so I wont get payed at all for my labour.
The deals off and I genuinly don't think they care. They're missing out and they don't see it. I don't know how to persuade them without getting grounded for being rude. And when I get grounded it's for a really long time.

Riley · July 2020

This sounds like a very worrying situation to be in @Midmo and I can understand why you'd want to come to the boards for help. Your proposed solution all sounds completely reasonable and I'm impressed you were able to come up with such a comprehensive plan, really baffling to me why your parents wanted to lower the budget.

It's very difficult for me to offer advice because obviously I don't know your parents, I'm not sure what would be the best way forward. Have you tried speaking to your siblings to see their opinion on it all? You didn't mention how old they are but I imagine they'd want to weigh in on the kinds of things they're eating, maybe even help you out in some way.

It might be that the only thing you can do is keep trying to bring your plan up to them, trying to convince them that your idea is healthy for everyone and will help save money. Like I said this is just a suggestion and I really hope you manage to work out a solution! Keep us all up to date with how you're getting on and if there's anything we can do to help.

Azziman · July 2020

Heya

So this sounds like a classic case - "Person X isn't aware of their finances, and has to end up in debt to continue an unsustainable way of living. Their solution? Either business as usual until they land in trouble, 'borrow' from a friend when they can't pay back, or simply hope for some extra money to come in. Or, they realise that they need to make a concerted effort in their lives to resolve their financial situation and go back into the black."

It's really admirable that you've decided to step in and help. Truth is, in a situation like this, your parents need to be the ones to take this seriously, not you doing it for them. Because as long as you're doing it for them, they'll go along for it, but as soon as you stop, people usually often go back into their old habits. You've made a great effort, but it doesn't really sound like they've had to change much in their lives, when it's their financial situation and routines that need sorting out!

As much as you want to see them doing well, financial independence and awareness is very important in all of this. It's all good and well that you are aware, but they have to actively break old habits and make new ones for this to work. It's not just a tick-box exercise of 'spending less', but a change/shift of mindset on how they live and manage their money - otherwise, it's just a short-term change that will probably slip back into old habits soon.

Personally, I'd give them advice and then let them do it. They need to be responsible for their own finances - having you do it all for them might help fix things for now, but doesn't resolve the underlying issue that they need to learn to be responsible with money and adjust accordingly.

Sorry if this sounds quite critical, but I've seen this approach taken several times before and it really doesn't work out how you want it. The onus has to be on your parents for this to work and stick x

TL;DR - they need to cut their expenses and learn to manage their finances independently. You can advise them, but they have to take the initiative and make the changes for this to work in the long-term - otherwise, you're fixing this in the short term without addressing the long-term issue of their approach to finances

Much love

WWYD?

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